Love Me Now
by JoyfulHeartEO
Summary: A spin on the season 7 finale. Not what you think. There was no kiss between L/L. But when something big happens to Luke, he decides to take a chance and he wants Lorelai to go with him. But will she? And what will she do when she finds out the reasoning behind his spontaneity? Will she be able to forgive him? Or will this really be the end? Bad summary. read & find out more!
1. The Beginning

**So this is a story idea that's been running around in my head for awhile. I decided to write the first chapter and see what the reaction to it was like. And go from there. Still developing in my head. I have bits and pieces already set up in my mind. But more to come. Let me know what you think and I'll keep going!**

* * *

SOOKIE: Hey.

LORELAI: Hey!

SOOKIE: It's beautiful, isn't it?

LORELAI: It's so beautiful. I can't believe you pulled it off.

SOOKIE: No, I just did all the baking. This was all Luke.

LORELAI: What?

SOOKIE: He made me promise not to tell you, but I don't care. This is all Luke. He did all of it. He's the one that came to me and said, "let's do the party," and then he planned the secret town meeting, everything.

LORELAI: Really?

SOOKIE: Yeah. I mean last night when we thought it was gonna rain and we'd have to cancel the party, he went around and collected everybody's tarps and tents and raincoats. I don't know how he did it. He must have stayed up all night doing this. Can you believe that?

LORELAI: Yeah… I'll be back.

SOOKIE: Okay.

LORELAI: Hey, Kirk.

KIRK: [Yelling] I can't hear you! My eardrum popped!

TAYLOR: Lorelai, if you see Luke, tell him that he and he alone is responsible for all party cleanup.

LORELAI: Okay.

BABETTE: Lorelai, you want to make a Morey sandwich?

LORELAI: Maybe later, Babette.

[Music, Jackson 5 "Let me show you what it's all about reading and writing, arithmetic". Luke exits the diner, Lorelai walks up to him. The Mighty Lemon Drops' "Inside Out" plays]

LORELAI: Hey.

LUKE: Hey.

[Both sigh]

LORELAI: Thank you.

LUKE: Oh, it's...no big deal.

LORELAI: Luke.

LUKE: I just... like to see you happy.

Lorelai sighed, "It really is the perfect way to send her off."

Luke frowned, "How you holding up?"

She smiled and shrugged, "Oh I'm fine." He gave her a look and she laughed, "Okay no I'm not. But what can I do? She's ready...it's time."

Luke nodded, "Doesn't make it any easier."

She shrugged again, "No. Not really. But it is what it is. She's all grown up."

"And she's a hell of a young woman all thanks to you." He said in a hoarse voice.

She felt her lower lip trembling, "Luke…"

"Look…" He said with a little soft sigh, "I know things are weird. But they don't have to be if we don't want them to be."

She laughed and wiped at a single tear coming from the corner of her eye, "I think it's going to be weird for a long time Luke."

He frowned, "We were friends for a long time before we…" He saw her cringe slightly, "We could be friends again."

She took a deep breath, "Is that what you want?"

He wondered if she wanted him to say he wanted to be more than friends. Of course he did. But...he didn't know if they were ready for that. Or if it made sense. Sure he missed the hell out of her, but could he survive getting back together with her and what would happen if it didn't work again. He shook his head, feeling a slight ache he assumed was due to sleep.

"Yeah. I'd like that." He said in a soft, unsteady voice.

She swallowed hard, wondering when it would stop hurting so damn bad when she looked at him. "Okay."

He nodded slowly, "Okay. Good. That's good." He paused and looked down, "What time do you have to take Rory to the airport tomorrow?"

She sighed, "Early. Really freaking early. Too early."

He smirked, "I assume you'll need coffee?"

Her cheeks burned, "It is the elixer of my life."

Luke nodded, "Then bring Rory by. I'll open early and send her off on a full stomach."

She bit her lip, "You don't have to do that Luke. You've already done so much…"

He smiled, "I don't mind. I'll be able to say goodbye properly."

She took a deep breath and walked over to him, she lifted up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, "Thank you Luke."

He swallowed the lump in his throat and wrapped his arms around her, "For what?"

She sniffled and pulled away, feeling almost embarrassed. She immediately felt the loss of physical contact and shuddered, "Just...for being so good to me even after…"

He reached for her hand, "We both made mistakes Lorelai. It wasn't just you."

She caught his eye for a moment then looked away, "Yeah…"

Fidgeting slightly he asked, "So...you'll come by in the morning?"

She nodded slowly, "Yeah. We'll be there. I'm sure Rory will really appreciate it."

"Great." He said with a nod, "I uh...need to get back to the Grill."

"Right." She said clearing her throat, "I'll get back to the party...check on Rory."

He nodded, "Great."

"So…" She pointed towards the crowd, "I suppose we can just walk back together?"

Luke chuckled, "Uh yeah. We're going in the same direction…makes sense."

She smiled, "Right. Right. So...let's go."

They turned and started to make their way back to the center of town where their friends were. They smiled softly at each other as they parted from each other, Luke made his way towards the grill. Lorelai spotted Rory and settled in beside her, Rory nudged her, "What happened there?"

"Oh nothing." Lorelai said shaking her head, "We were just talking. I was thanking him for his help with the party. Apparently he stayed up all night putting together this tent."

Rory smiled towards Luke, watching him roll his eyes at something Taylor was doing, "Sounds like a Luke thing to do. At least the old Luke…"

Lorelai nodded slowly, "Hm…"

Rory glanced over at her Mom, "Is something going on that I should know about?"

Lorelai sighed and shook her head, "Oh no hon. No. That ship has sailed. Nothing happening there."

Rory frowned, "Are you sure? I mean I think that if-"

"Hon…" She said reaching for her daughter's arm, "We've talked about this. I'd love to say it could all work out but I'm not sure we could get past all the hurt there. I'm okay. He's okay. He wants to be friends."

"Oh." Rory said with a little frown, "Friends. Well...that's good. You were always good friends."

Lorelai nodded, "Sometimes I think we were better friends than we were a couple."

Rory looked at her Mom, "Mom I think that-"

"Rory please." She whispered softly, "I just...I need you to let it go."

Rory sighed and looked back at her friends, "Okay."

Lorelai sighed and turned back to her daughter, "I'm sorry. That was harsh...I just-" She sighed again, "It's so damn complicated. And after this last year...I just need a little bit of time where life isn't so complicated. Okay?"

Rory looked at her Mom, "I just want you to be happy."

Lorelai felt a shiver run up her spine as she thought of what Luke had said to her, "I am hon. I'm good. Really. I promise."

Rory gave her a look, "Are you sure?"

Lorelai smiled and leaned her forehead against her daughters, "I promise hon. Everything is fine. Now go enjoy the party." She looked around, "Luke said he will open the Diner early for us in the morning."

Rory smiled, "That's good."

"Yes. It is." She smiled giving her arm a squeeze, "Go mingle. I'll be here."

Rory smiled, gave her Mom a kiss on the cheek and walked away to go talk to some of her other friends. Lorelai stood in her spot, she looked up and caught Luke's eye for a moment. He blushed softly, gave her a wave and then went back to work. She sighed, wondering what this new found friendship was going to mean…

Meanwhile, Luke was flipping burgers on the grill when a sharp pain hit between his eyes. He sighed and put the spatula down, he rubbed the spot trying to make it go away.

"You okay boss?" Caesar asked softly, "Headache?"

Luke grimaced, "Probably just from staying up all night."

Caesar shrugged, "You want to head back home and go to sleep? I can handle it."

Luke shook his head, "Nah I'm good. Taylor made me promise that if I set this all up I'd clean it all up too. I'll be fine."

"Okay. But if you change your mind, let me know. I know today isn't easy for you." He said softly, "You know considering…"

"I'm good Caesar. Really. I'm good." He smiled and picked up the spatula again, "You wanna run back and get more ketchup? I forgot it."

Caesar nodded, "Sure. I'm on it."

Luke smiled, watched him go and then put the spatula down again. He rubbed the spot between his eyes again and grimaced. It had been happening a lot lately. He wasn't one to get sick. He wasn't one to get headaches. But lately...they had been creeping up on him. He sighed and chalked it up to the stress of the last year. But it was getting worse…

With a sigh he realized that he might finally have to make a call to the Doctor despite how much he hated them.

* * *

The following morning, Rory and Lorelai finished up their meals at their favorite table in the Diner. Lorelai got up, gave Rory's hand a squeeze and told her she'd meet her out by the Jeep. She waved to Luke, thanked him and left to give them some space. Luke stopped wiping down the table and looked up at the young woman before him, amazed by how grown up she was.

"Thanks for this Luke…" She whispered softly, "It meant a lot to me."

Luke smiled, "Good. I'm glad. Don't go finding a better Diner during your world travels, okay? You'll hurt my feelings."

She smiled softly at him, "I wouldn't worry about that. Nothing will ever be as good as Luke's."

He blushed, "You're gonna love it kid."

She frowned, "I'm nervous. Really nervous. I feel like I've lived in this little bubble and it just popped and now I'm diving head first into the deep end."

Luke smiled at her, "I guess in a way that's all true. But I have no doubt that you are going to do great things Rory. I've always known you were destined for more than this town."

She stared at him for a moment, "I'm going to miss you, you know."

Luke stood up a little straighter, "Well I'll miss you too Rory. But I'll be right here whenever you feel like coming to visit. We all will be."

She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked down at the counter, "I've missed you for awhile now if I'm being honest. Things haven't been the same since…"

Luke sighed and reached across the counter for her hand, "I'm sorry Rory. Your Mom and I didn't think about how this would impact you too."

She bit her lip gently, "I really thought you two would figure it out...she says you've decided to be just friends though."

He looked away from her, "It's probably for the best."

Rory sighed and pulled her hand back, "I should probably get going. Don't want to miss my flight."

Luke stared at her for a moment, "Rory…" She glanced back up at him, "Just because your Mom and I aren't." He cringed, "I'm still here if you need me. And I'll keep an eye on her too."

She nodded once, "I'm counting on it."

He took a deep breath and quickly rounded the counter, without hesitating he pulled her into his arms, "I love you kid."

She closed her eyes, feeling them burn with unshed tears, "I love you too Luke."

She pulled back and gave him a little wave before grabbing her bag and turning to leave the Diner. He sighed as he watched her go, and he glanced at Lorelai as she stood waiting by the Jeep. She smiled and waved at him again, he waved awkwardly and watched as they pulled out of their parking spot and out into the world.

As he watched them go, another sharp pain ignited between his eyes and he cringed. He growled and rubbed the spot, glancing at the clock he wondered if now was too early to call and make an appointment…

* * *

Seven hours later, Luke sat in his truck staring out into the distance. He felt numb. He felt worse than numb if that was even possible. The last few hours he had been poked and prodded at. X-rayed and blood had been drawn. MRI's...the whole nine yards.

Sure the Doctor said it was inconclusive...that it could be benign but they'd need to run more test. Possible surgery. But it was still there. A tumor. A brain tumor to be exact. Hence the recurring headaches over the last few months.

He laughed bitterly to himself. How long had he calculated everything he ate? Made sure to have regular sleep patterns. Got constant exercise. Stayed away from drugs and for the most part alcohol. He had taken those stupid precautions and yet now here he was. Yet someone like Lorelai could eat all the red meat the world had to offer and drink coffee by the gallons and she was fine.

He was angry for a minute. How was that fair?

And then he cringed. Was he wishing that she was the one with the possible illness? God this thing must have really been messing with his brain. Hell maybe it had been developing over the last two years making him act as stupid as he had by breaking her heart. Pushing her into Christopher's arms.

He groaned and rubbed the spot between his eyes again.

Lorelai.

Lorelai.

Lorelai.

That was all he could think of now. Despite what he had told her last night...he didn't want to just be friends. He wanted to fix it all. He just didn't know if they could. And now...now it seemed impossible. Would he want to do this to her? Could he drag her only to possibly leave her forever...cause her this immense amount of pain?

He sighed and realized so much was out of his hands at the moment.

Putting the car in drive...he went back home.

Home to his lonely old apartment that had begun to feel so much smaller once Lorelai left his wlife. He locked the door behind him and collapsed on the recliner feeling more tired than he could remember feeling. He was fidgety and restless. Nervous and scared to death.

Looking over at the safe, he stood up again and walked towards it. After putting in the code, he took out the jewelry box he had tossed in there so many months ago. Sookie had brought it by with some of his other things that Lorelai wanted him to have back. Boy had he been angry that night. As soon as he saw the ring he had drank at least a six pack on his own and trashed a few things in the apartment, including her shelf in the bathroom, a lamp she insisted on buying for him and even her coffee cup she kept stashed in his cabinet.

He sighed and threw the ring back in the safe, not sure why he had even gone to get it. But as he did it, a piece of paper fluttered out from the force of the wind from his throw. Curiously, he picked it up and realized it was a map. A very old map. A map he hadn't looked at in years.

Opening it carefully, he saw that it was all still there. The route that he and his father had planned to take. A road trip. Just the two of them. When William had found out he was sick, he confided in Luke that Kat had always wanted to take the kids cross country. But by the time they were old enough to plan the trip, she herself had gotten sick and died.

After William's diagnosis, Luke had mapped out a route for them to take. And on the day that they were to leave, William had collapsed. He never came home after that...the cancer was much further along than any of them had realized. So of course...the trip never happened.

After William had died, he stashed the map way not having the heart to throw it out. Now here it was...all the landmarks clearly marked on the fading map. A lump formed in his throat. How ironic was it that he would find this today? On the day when he too found out he potentially could have cancer like his old man…

He took a deep breath, folded up the map and stuffed it in his pocket. And suddenly her face flashed before his eyes again. He had told her about the trip that never was...the day after that first dark day when they were together. He remembered it like it was yesterday…

* * *

 _He had stayed away after he apologized for the way he had treated her. He knew she was trying to help. He also knew that she was right, he'd regret giving up the boat if he did. She was always right about those things. But she thought things through...he didn't. He didn't like to think about things that made him uncomfortable so he acted. He always acted...and sometimes it hurt him in the process._

 _Now he lay tangled up in her bed as the rain beat down on the window outside. His head was in her lap, she ran her hands through his fine hair, "What are you thinking about?" She asked._

 _He sighed and shifted slightly, "Hm?"_

 _"You're very quiet." She whispered, "Even for your standards…" She teased, "You must be thinking pretty hard about something."_

 _He paused for a moment, then turned to look up at her, "I was thinking about this trip...this trip my Dad wanted to take."_

 _She stared down at him thoughtfully, "What kind of trip? I thought your Dad wasn't big on trips?"_

 _Luke shrugged, "Well technically my Mom had wanted to do it first. But she got sick...she wanted to take the whole family cross country. But it never happened. And then when Dad got sick...he told me about it and we thought maybe we'd try it. But...the day we were going to leave he collapsed. When I brought him to the hospital, he never came home after that."_

 _"Oh hon…" She whispered soothingly, "I'm so sorry."_

 _He sighed and sat up, "I don't know why it popped into my head. I haven't thought about it in years."_

 _She shrugged, "There doesn't always need to be a reason for these types of things."_

 _He nodded, "Yeah maybe…"_

 _She stared at him thoughtfully before whispering, "You should take the trip someday."_

 _He paused and looked up at her, "What?"_

 _She shrugged, "You should take the trip. I mean I know it won't be the same without your Dad. But you should still take it. I think maybe it would be good for you."_

 _He let her words wash over him before he whispered, "I don't know. I don't think I'd like to do it alone."_

 _She fidgeted slightly before reaching for his hand, "I could go with you if you wanted me too...not sure I'd be as good a companion as your Dad. But if you wanted me there I'd be there."_

 _He stared at her in awe, "You'd do that?"_

 _She smiled and scooted closer to her, "All in remember?"_

 _He took a deep cleansing breath and leaned forward, cupping her face gently, "Lorelai I-"_

 _"I know." She whispered nuzzling his cheek, "I know. I do too." She pressed a kiss to his lips, "But shh…" She whispered pulling him towards her, "We don't have to decide it all now. We have plenty of time. All the time in the world…"_

 _He breathed her in and lay back on the bed, getting lost in her again. Really believing he did have all the time in the world. That they had all the time in the world. If only he knew then what he knew now…_

* * *

Lorelai.

Lorelai.

Lorelai.

He didn't stop to think it through. He didn't bother trying to talk himself out of it. For a moment he was going to be selfish. He was going to do something drastic because what if this was it? He turned on his heel, grabbed the keys to his truck and dashed out the apartment door, down the stairs and off to his truck.

Before he knew it, he was outside her house banging on the door. She opened the door, bleary eyed and confused. It was clear she had been crying, "Luke?"

He cringed, "Hi. Sorry. I-" He paused, "Did you just get home?"

She nodded, "Yeah. I just wanted in about fifteen minutes ago." She frowned and looked at his frantic appearance, "Is everything alright?"

He opened his mouth and sighed, "This is a bad time to do this…"

She crossed her arms over her chest, "A bad time to do what?"

He stared at her for a minute, "Can I come in?"

"Um…" She hesitated for a moment, she was exhausted and totally emotionally spent. But something in his expression made her think that whatever this was, was very important, "Okay. Yeah. Sure…" She stepped aside, "Come in."

Luke smiled nervously and walked into the house that at one time had been his own. Or would have been his own if he had been smart enough to fully move in. He shook his head, no time for that now. He walked into the living room and spotted Paul Anka who jumped down to greet him.

"Hey Paul Anka…" He said bending down, he ignored the twinge of pain behind his eyes, "How you doing you crazy old mutt?"

Lorelai smiled, "He's getting better...kind of."

Luke smiled and stood up again, "Oh. Well that's good…" He looked around, calculating all the minor changes, that had taken place once Ch-. He sighed and pushed the thought of his mind before he could finish saying the man's name, "So uh...yeah okay. I wanted to run something by you. And It's...it's going to sound kind of insane. Kind of out there."

She smiled, "Well I hear I"m kind of insane. Kind of out there. I'm sure it will be fine."

He stared at her for a moment and then took the map from his pocket, "I found this."

She frowned and stepped closer to him, "What is it?"

He unfolded it, sat down on the couch and laid it out on the coffee table in front of him, "It's a map."

She slowly went to sit beside him, careful to leave enough space between them, "A map of the United States…"

Luke nodded, "Right. Exactly. It belonged to my Dad."

Lorelai fidgeted in her seat, "Luke I'm sorry but I don't und-"

"Do you remember I told you that my Dad had wanted to take a cross country trip with me? That it had been my Mom's idea first. But every time we tried to go...it fell through?" He asked.

She was silent for a moment but nodded, "Sure. I remember...he collapsed the day you were supposed to leave."

Luke nodded, "Exactly. And do you remember that you told me that I should take the trip anyway?"

She nodded slowly, "Vaguely I guess…"

Luke nodded again, "And do you remember what else you said?" She shook her head, "You said that you would come with me."

She inhaled sharply, "Luke…"

"You said that if I didn't want to go alone...that you'd come along with me." He could feel his heart pounding away in his chest as he spoke but he kept on going.

She rubbed her knees for a moment, then stood up, "Luke that was along time ago. We were…" She cringed, "Why are you bringing this up now?"

He opened his mouth to tell her about what had happened at the Doctors today. About the headaches...about what they had told him. And yet a pit formed in his stomach and suddenly he felt nauseous. He swallowed back those words and changed tactics.

"I want to take the trip." He said standing up as he shoved his hands in his pockets, "And I want you to come with me."

Her mouth hung open and she gaped at him, "Luke...what? You want us to go cross country together? Now?"

Luke shrugged, "Why not?"

"Why not?" She asked with a little laugh, "Are you still sleep deprived? Because this is the most insane thing you've ever said."

Luke smiled, "I told you it was a little insane."

"You mean a lot insane?" She asked as she started to pace the room, "I mean do you hear yourself right now? You're asking me to drop everything and go cross country with you. After everything that's…" She cringed, "Luke...come on we'd kill each other!"

He chuckled, "Maybe. Or maybe we'd have the time of our life."

She frowned, "Up until a little while ago we were barely speaking. And in the last year we haven't spent more than 5 minutes in the same room together. You want to be stuck with me in a car for hours on end?"

He shrugged, "I can think of worse companions. Kirk...Taylor...TJ…"

"Luke you can't be serious." She said throwing her hands up in the air, "This is crazy!"

He shrugged, "So what if it is? I mean I took time off for the boat trip but it isn't happening now. April has her own life with camp and all that. You said it yourself...I should take the time off anyway."

She nodded, "Sure. But-"

"And you never take vacations. You could use a break. Rory just left and won't be back for a few months. This is the perfect time." He said with a shrug, "I mean don't you think it would be kind of great? You backpacked through Europe. Why not see your own country?"

"Sure. I backpacked around Europe with my daughter. That's a hell of a lot different than going cross country with my ex-" She paused, "Luke I just…"

"I know it's spur of the moment. And very unlike me…" He said with a sigh, "But I haven't felt like myself in a long time Lorelai. And I need to do something. I just...I gotta get out of here. I feel stuck. And today I…" He paused and looked down, still unable to form the words, "When I found the map something about it felt right. And now I'm here...and I'm asking you to come with me. To take a chance. You said you wanted to be friends…" He shrugged, "We'd just be two friends going on a trip."

She stared at him carefully, "You're totally serious right now? This isn't some big elaborate joke?"

He frowned, "No. This isn't a joke. You know how important this trip was to me. And I…" He sighed and walked closer to her, "Please Lorelai. Please. Come with me. I don't want to do this alone."

She bit her lip, "Luke…"

"Look...don't answer me now." He said softly, "I know you've had a long day." He said stepping back, "I need a day or two to get everything ready anway. But...I'll probably leave on Monday. Early. Say six."

Her head was spinning, "Luke…"

He shook his head and turned to begin to fold up his map, he could feel his heart pounding away in his chest, "You need to think it through. I get that. It's big. Totally fine. Just uh…" He looked up at her, "If you want to come...meet me outside the Diner on Monday morning at 6am. Packed and ready to go."

Her eyes were wide as she let his words sink in. Who was this man standing in front of her? It wasn't like him to jump like this. He seemed off. Or maybe it was just the time they had spent apart. She was scared in a way...scared that there was a deeper meaning to all this. He had said he wanted to be friends...and even though she wanted more she thought she'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all.

She sighed, "Luke is everything alright?" She asked softly, unsure of herself and of what he was asking of her.

Luke stepped up in front of her and stared deep into her blue eyes, "Monday. 6 am. I'll understand either way." Leaning forward he pressed a kiss to her cheek and before she could say anything else he was gone out the door just as fast as he had come.

She heard the truck pull out of the driveway and her heart sank. What the hell was she going to do now?

* * *

Sunday night, Lorelai sat in her room staring at the closet in front of her. She had spent the last two days starting to pack and then unpack everything. How could she just take off with him? It was a ridiculous idea. And yet...something about it sounded so incredibly wonderful to her.

As if her daughter could sense her, her phone rang. She smiled and flipped it open, "Hey hon."

"So how many times have you packed and unpacked today?" She asked with a laugh.

"Rory this is serious. He's leaving tomorrow. I don't know what to do!" Lorelai yelled.

"Well you're the one that has to make the final decision." Rory said with a sigh.

Lorelai pouted, and she was sure her daughter knew she was, "No, you make the choice for Mommy."

Rory laughed again, "I mean I will if you want me too."

Lorelai sat up straighter and gasped, "You will?"

"Yup." Rory said, "I've known what the answer should be since you told me."

Lorelai sighed, "And you've been holding out on me?"

"I was waiting to see if you'd figure it out on your own. But I think you're too afraid to see what's right in front of you. I get that...I do. But now you need to make a choice. So I'll do it for you." Rory said.

Lorelai swallowed hard, "Okay...then what do you want me to do?"

"It's not what I want you to do. It's what you want to do." Rory said with a smile, "And I think deep down you know what I'm saying…"

Lorelai looked over at her closet, and her currently empty suitcases. She took a deep breath and realized that yes...she did know. There was only ever one answer.

* * *

At 6am Monday morning, Luke stood by his truck which was all packed and ready to go. He sighed staring off into the dark streets of the familiar town. He felt the ache in his chest. She wasn't going to show.

For the last few days he had been wondering if he should go talk to her. Wondering if this was all a huge mistake. But fear had taken over and he had stayed away. He wanted her to make the choice. He needed her to make the choice. He had put it out there and now it was up to her.

Clearly she had chosen…

At 6:01, he opened the truck's door and was about to climb in when he heard a sound coming down the street from behind him. He turned slowly and his heart leapt in his throat. There she was, pulling a wheely suitcase down the road and a duffel bag slung over her shoulder.

She stopped in front of him, "Hey." She whispered softly.

He took a deep breath, "Hey."

She glanced at her watch, "Sorry I'm a little late...Paul Anka wasn't happy about going to Babette and Morey's so early."

He shook his head, "No. No you're fine."

She smiled sheepishly, "I hope I packed enough…"

Luke smiled, "I'm surprised you limited it to two bags."

She smirked, "Sookie said she'd express ship anything to me I forgot."

Luke nodded, "Okay."

She nodded back, "Okay. So...ready?"

He pushed himself away from the truck, "Oh. Right. Yeah." He grabbed her bags and carefully put them in the back of the truck, making sure to tie them in.

She walked around to the passenger side and smiled when she saw a to go cup of coffee and a muffin waiting for her, "You knew I'd come?"

He blushed, "No. I didn't...just wishful thinking."

She smiled and hopped into the truck, "I've either totally lost my mind or I've finally found it. Either way...this ought to be an interesting journey my friend."

He chuckled and climbed in beside her, "I think you're right about that. Ready?"

She nodded, "As I'll ever be."

Luke smiled, put the car in Drive and took a deep breath. He wasn't sure what the hell was going to happen next...but he was just glad that she was beside him. He needed her now more than ever.

Beside him, Lorelai looked out the window at her familiar town and wondered what would happen over the next few months. Wondered if she would be changed by this. If they would be changed by this. When they came back...would they be together? Or was she about to get her heart broken for the last time? She closed her eyes, slipped on her sunglasses and decided she was just going to have to enjoy the ride...the rest would come in time.

* * *

 **So what do you think? Should I keep going? Let me know! Thanks guys! You are all awesome!**

 **P.S.- Based on "Love me Now" by John Legend**


	2. Part 1

**Wow. Wow. Wow! I am already so blown away by the response to the first chapter of this! I am looking forward to adding more to this story! Lots more! Just a few things before you read on.**

 **One - I got some reviews asking why I enjoy causing pain. LOL. Well...I don't necessarily enjoy causing pain. I just think that drama makes for a good story. Therefore...there will be drama in this.**

 **Two - Please remember that I am a JavaJunkie fanatic. There will be ups and downs but I am always all about JAVAJUNKIE LOVE AND HAPPINESS.**

 **Three - At times there will be flashbacks to parts we saw in the show and parts we didn't. Transcripts were borrowed from a site I use. The link is posted below this.**

 **Four - ENJOY THE RIDE.**

 **Five - I will update as much as I can, life's about to get crazy but I am excited about this story so I will make time.**

 **And Six - There will be more to "If You Ever Want To Fall In Love" not a lot more, but more at some point. I promise. Thanks! :)**

 **Now...go read and enjoy!**

* * *

 _This transcript is from the collection found at_ _scripts/gilmoregirls_ _._

* * *

 _LUKE: Hey, here's to you._

 _LORELAI: I'll drink to that. [they both sip]_

 _LUKE: Yep, I definitely hate champagne._

 _LORELAI: This is nice._

 _LUKE: Good._

 _LORELAI: Hey, do you remember the first time we met?_

 _LUKE: What?_

 _LORELAI: I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?_

 _LUKE: [nods] It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person -_

 _LORELAI: [gasps] Ooh, is it me? Is it me?_

 _LUKE: This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy._

 _LORELAI: [gleeful] Ooh, it's me._

 _LUKE: I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying - sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her._

 _LORELAI: Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful._

 _LUKE: She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me._

 _LORELAI: [dryly] God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?_

 _LUKE: So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under "Scorpio," she had written, "you will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away." I gave her coffee._

 _LORELAI: [grinning] But she didn't go away._

 _LUKE: She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me - [pulls a small scrap of paper from his wallet and holds it out to Lorelai] one day it would bring me luck._

 _LORELAI: [teasing] Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee [unfolds the scrap and reads it with new remembrance] Um...I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet? [sees his serious expression] You kept this in your wallet._

 _LUKE: Eight years._

 _LORELAI: [touched] Eight years._

 _[Luke sighs and returns the precious scrap to his wallet]_

 _LUKE: Lorelai, this thing we're doing here - me, you - I just want you to know I'm in. I am all in. [carefully watches her reaction] Does that, uh - are you, uh, scared?_

 _[Lorelai blushes with sudden shyness, but looks back and smiles.]_

* * *

Lorelai woke with a jolt, her heart racing as the memory of their first date haunted her dreams. Why hadn't she responded? Why hadn't she told him that yes she was scared? Terrified. She didn't want to lose her best friend.

Would that have changed anything? She doubted it...but maybe it would have made their conversation skills as a couple better if she had been open from the beginning. With a sigh she rubbed her eyes and sat up, it took her a moment to register her surroundings. She panicked, but only for a second.

She was in the truck. _**His**_ truck. She cringed, if these old seats could talk they could tell a few dirty stories about lustful nights when they couldn't quite make it home before touching each other. She sighed and looked around, the sun was high in the sky now and she didn't recognize anything around her.

She wondered how long she had been out. She vaguely remembered the awkward silence that filled the truck when they first left Stars Hollow. Neither one of them quite knew what to say. This was uncharted territory and there was a hum, a buzz, a tension that neither of them could deny. She would be lying if she didn't almost open the truck door a few times and tuck and roll out of the thing, chastising herself for putting herself in such a vulnerable situation.

Looking around, she realized they were parked at a gas station and she was alone. Her heart jumped in her chest for a moment, but she relaxed when she saw Luke walking towards her. He climbed into the truck and turned towards her, "Oh hey. You're awake."

She sighed, "Yeah...sorry. Was I out long?"

Luke shrugged and handed her a bag, "A couple of hours or so."

She cringed, "Crap. Luke I'm sorry! What a terrible co-pilot."

He smirked, "I've got it under control. Besides, you've had a hell of a few days. I'm sure you haven't slept much. You needed sleep."

She bit her lip gently, "Yeah…"

He fidgeted slightly, "Does uh...does Rory know you're with me?"

The nervousness in his voice sent shivers down her spine, "She knows. Yes."

He stared at her for a moment, "Is she-"

She smiled at him, "She told me if I didn't go she'd come back and kick my ass."

Luke chuckled, "Yep, she's your daughter."

She smiled and looked down at the bag, "What's in here?"

He shrugged, "A few road snacks."

She gave him a curious look and then opened the bag, "Let's see here, what do we have." She sighed and started taking items, "Beef jerky, peanuts which I assume are yours." She said tossing at him, "Red vines, oreos, twinkies and cheetos. All mine. Yes!"

Luke smirked, "I see the little things still make you happy."

She tore open the red vines and smirked, "I'm a simple girl Lucas." As soon as she said it her cheeks flushed, "Luke-"

He shook his head, "Ready to hit the road again?"

She nodded slowly, cataloguing this into what she assumed would be one of a million awkward scenarios this trip, "Sure. Do you want me to drive?"

Luke turned towards her, "Hell no."

She sighed, "Come on! I've drive the truck before."

"I'd like to make it out of New England before getting into any major accidents." He said with a huff, "I'm driving."

She frowned, "Are you seriously going to drive the whole time? That's insane. We've got a lot of ground to cover my friend." She paused and looked around, "Where are we anyway?"

He looked around, "Somewhere in MA I think. I figured we could skip Boston...New York too. We've seen those."

She nodded, "Sure." A memory of a stolen night in the limo on the way home from New York City made her shudder, "We've uh. We've seen those."

She reached into the glove compartment, "Is the map in here?"

Luke nodded, "Yeah. You can look at it if you want."

She smiled, "I want to see our route. Know what I'm in for." She unfolded the map, "Let's see here. Where did your Dad want to visit." She frowned, "Did you cross out some places?"

He shrugged nervously, "I mean just New York and Boston. I figured we'd get more distance under us if we keep-"

"What's this other one you crossed out?" She said scrunching up her nose as she looked closer, "I can't-" She paused then frowned, "You crossed out Maryland. Why'd you cross out Maryland?"

A memory flashed before her again...it felt so real.

* * *

 _LORELAI: Let's elope._

 _LUKE: [Stunned] What?_

 _LORELAI: Come on, Luke. Grab your keys. Let's go._

 _LUKE: Elope?_

 _LORELAI: You said that would be fine at Martha's Vineyard. Didn't you say that would be fine at Martha's Vineyard?_

 _LUKE: Yes, I did. I'm just…_

 _LORELAI: Come on, then! Let's go! We can drive to Maryland. What the hell, right? I mean, you have to see Maryland eventually. We can drive there, get married, and then come back here. And you'll get your stuff, and you'll move in.  
_

* * *

She shuddered then sighed, "Oh."

She flinched again when yet another memory washed over her...somehow an even worse memory.

* * *

 _LUKE: Uh...a car crashed into my diner yesterday. There's a giant hole where my wall used to be. It's gonna take a couple of weeks to fix. [Chuckles] It's a disaster, but I don't care. I mean, I care, but... you know what, no. I really - I don't care. It's like it's not even real to me. It's like my life isn't even real to me unless you're there, and you're in it, and I'm sharing it with you. And, uh, I don't know what I was waiting for, and I don't know what I was scared of, but I'm not. I'm not scared, and I'm not waiting. I'm here._

 _LORELAI: Luke._

 _LUKE: No, don't say anything. I've got a tank full of gas, and Maryland is only 200 miles away, and I've made us some reservations at a couple of bed-and-breakfasts. I mean if you don't want to do the Maryland thing, we don't have to. I heard you say "Maryland" the other day. I don't know whether you were serious. I'm just trying to cover my bases here._

 _LORELAI: Luke…_

 _LUKE: I also packed some camping equipment so we can head to Vermont or Maine and, you know, check into a cabin for a week, you know, like a little honeymoon thing. But maybe that's a little too rustic for your taste. Or we could drive to Atlantic city or even Las Vegas if you want to make a real road trip out of it._

 _LORELAI: Luke, stop._

 _LUKE: I also did some research, and we can we can also apparently use a sea captain, if you want. I'm not sure how big the boat has to be for it to be legal, but we can head to the coast, and we can knock on some doors, you know, boat doors. Yeah, that's probably not the most sensible way._

 _LORELAI: Just stop._

 _LUKE: But, no no, you were right. I need to be faster. I need to move faster, I need to think faster. And, well, here I am._

 _LORELAI: It's over._

 _LUKE: No, you can't say that. You can't just say that it's over. It's not over. You can't just decide that it's over. I'm in this, too. You know I'm not gonna let it be over. You said, "be ready now or never." I'm ready now._

 _LORELAI: Luke._

 _LUKE: Let's go. Let's do this. Let's get married right now. Let's go._

 _LORELAI: I slept with Christopher._

* * *

The tears prickled in the corner of her eyes and she was pretty certain if she bit her lip just a little harder she would draw blood. Maybe it would make her feel better. Probably not...but maybe.

She looked over at him and saw the tense jaw, that familiar look that told her he was fighting off the memory too.

"Can you pull over?" She asked quickly without realizing she had said it.

He looked over at her, and frowned, "What?"

She took a deep breath, "Pull over. Can you just...can you pull over?"

He was confused, but pulled the car over on the side of the road. He watched as she folded up the map and turned to open the car door. She grabbed her bag and quickly jumped out. He went to call her name but something held him back. He grabbed for the handle of the door, but he stopped that too.

So he sat back in the car and waited, watching her carefully and curiously. He saw her pacing slightly, he couldn't tell what she was thinking, but she looked like she might be muttering to herself. He wondered if she was trying to find a way out...rethinking her decision.

Maryland.

Stupid Maryland.

He sighed and realized he was going to have to wait this one out.

Picking up her phone, Lorelai pressed the number one and waited, "Pick up. Pick up."

After a few rings she heard someone say, "Hello?"

"Why did we think this was a good idea?" Lorelai asked furiously, "I'm not even through day one and I'm already being faced with...with all the…" She sighed and stopped pacing before whispering in a pained voice, "Rory I'm not sure I can do this."

Rory sighed, "You knew this wasn't going to be easy. I mean...you're literally trapped in a pickup truck with your ex-fiance. Not gonna be a cake walk."

"Not helping Rory. I'm about two seconds away from calling for a cab and getting my ass home." She said with a cry.

"Where are you right now?" Rory asked softly.

"On the side of the road in Massachusetts somewhere. Luke is just sitting in the car watching me and I can't turn to look back at him." She said turning her back on him.

"Mom…" She whispered, "What set you off so fast?"

"The map." She said with a sigh, "He crossed off New York and Boston because we've seen those."

Rory nodded, "Well sure, gives you more time in other places. Makes sense."

"He crossed of Maryland too." She said nervously kicking at the ground, "Stupid freaking Maryland."

"Maryland?" Rory asked curiously, "What's so special about Maryland?"

She began gnawing on her lip again, "That night...when I gave him the ultimatum. I told him we could go to Maryland and elope. I don't know why...it just popped into my head. And then when he came to me...he said we could go there. But...obviously we didn't."

"Oh." Rory said softly, finally understanding, "Oh Mom…"

"Rory we've barely spent five minutes together in the last year. How am I supposed to do this?" She said with a sniffle, "I won't' survive it."

"I mean if you really want to come home you can…" She whispered, "I think you'll always wonder what would have happened if you really went."

"Sure. But I'd make it out in one piece." She said with a groan, "My heart wouldn't continue to shatter."

"Or maybe it will get put back together on this trip…" Rory whispered.

"Rory." She said with a frown, "I don't even know if he wants...and even if he does…"

"Don't leave yet." Rory whispered, "Just don't, okay? I really think you'll regret it. Just give it some more time. And then if you still want out...then fine. But just try...just try Mom."

Lorelai turned to look at the truck, she saw Luke look away quickly clearly not wanting to look like he was eavesdropping. She sighed and dropped her chin to her chest, "Stupid Maryland…"

"Good thing there's a lot more to see in this country of ours." Rory said, "Call me later?"

Lorelai sighed, "Yeah. Yeah I'll call you later."

"I love you Mom." Rory whispered, "And no matter what I'm on your side."

Lorelai smiled, "I love you kid. More than you know."

"I'll talk to you soon. Tell Luke I said hi."" Rory said before hanging up the phone.

Lorelai took a deep breath, shut her phone and walked back to the truck. Getting back in, she smiled sheepishly, dusted off her pants and awkwardly said: "So Rory says hi."

Luke's mouth hung open for a minute, "Uh...okay?"

She nodded once and cleared her throat, "Okay now we can get back to our regularly scheduled programing."

Luke sighed and made no move to start the car again,"Lorelai you didn't just hop out of the car to say hi to Rory."

She frowned stubbornly and crossed her arms, "Yes I did."

He rolled his eyes, "Uh no you didn't."

"Yes I did." She said in a sing song voice.

"No you didn-" He groaned and shook his head, "No. No you will not distract me with this stupid yes and no game. Not falling for it."

She frowned, "Luke don't. Please don't."

He gave her a serious look, "I know why…" His voice trailed ofd awkwardly, he shifted in his seat, "Maryland-"

"Stop." She said quickly, raising her hand to emphasize her plea, "Please just stop. I'm not…" She averted her eyes from him, afraid she woukd start crying if she had to look him in the eye, "I'm just not ready for all that yet. Please."

He watched her carefully for a moment, noting the way she sucked in her lower lip. How she clasped her hands together in her lap. She was hurting and she didn't want him to see it.

In all these months apart, he was so focussed on his own pain. She had married Christoper. He told himself she was happy. That she was getting what she truly wanted. But he saw that she, like him, had been in a hell of a lot of pain too.

And then he remembered that she was actually in pain long before the actual breakup. Long before the mention of eloping in Maryland. That was just the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.

He had been causing her pain for months before it all broke down. He had been ostracizing her. Starting this whole new life without her. He had ignored her pain, ignored the signs because he was afraid. He never wanted to be the one to hurt her. After all those years of waiting, of watching her get strung along and hurt he swore he would never hurt her. If he had the chance with her, he'd treat her like a Queen.

And yet here they were.

He sighed and rubbed the ache between his eyes and then another thought occured to him.

The tumor.

The damn tumor. For a moment when she showed up this morning he almost forgot about it. He was so damn happy to see her standing there, his fear seemed to wash away. But now here it was, glaring at him, taunting him, remindig him of what could possibly happen.

This would cause her pain. He knew it would. Even if she didn't love him anymore it would hurt. He glanced at her and saw that she was studying him carefully. She blushed and turned away when their eyes met.

He had to tell her.

But now wasn't the time.

He cleared his throat and gripped the steering wheel in his hands, "Okay. We don't have to talk about it. But...at some point we probably need too."

She nodded slowly, "I know. Just maybe not the first day. I'm trying to wrap my head around even being here...about what this all means." Her cheeks flushed again, "I'd just like to get out of New England before we either get arrested or one of us kills the other."

He chuckled, "That's fair. I think. Although I'm not sure I want that to happen anywhere."

She smirked, "If we can hold out until further west we can go at it in the desert and have no eye witnesses."

He laughed even harder, "So thats your master plan then? At least I know."

She shrugged, "Well not really. It's more like plan B."

"And what exactly does Plan A involve?" He asked with a curious smile.

Her heart skipped a beat when he looked at her that way. She smiled and tilted her head to the side, "Plan A is basically where I take this hour by hour and hope it isn't a huge mistake."

He realized in that moment what he had asked of her. To drop everything and run away with him when everything between them was still so screwed up. "Lorelai-"

Nervously she reached across the bench seat, crossing that invisible line that had separated them for the last year, "Not now. I'm okay. Just...freaked out a bit. But I'm sure that is bound to happen at least a few dozen times during all of this. Right?"

He frowned, "If you want to leave I'll under-"

She squeezed his hand, "I'm not going anywhere Luke. I'm here. I'm not sure what happens next, but I'm here. Okay?"

He swallows the lump that was growing in his throat. All he could think of was, _**how long will I be here with you though?**_

He smiled and squeezed her hand back, "Okay."

She smiled softly and let go of his hand. They both instantly missed the physical contact. Reaching forward she grabbed her purse and took our her sunglasses, she put them on her face and smiled, "So...ready to hit the road Louise?"

He frowned, "What?"

"Oh I'm Thelma. You're Louise." She said with an innocent smile, "I assumed you knew this already."

"Why am I Louise?" He asks curiously.

"Thelma is the louder one. Louise is a little reserved like you. Plus, Louise, Luke. Same difference." She said with a wave of her hand.

"Yeah but-" He immediately stopped and saw her trying not to laugh, "Why am I even arguing with you on this?"

She smirked and reached for the red vines, "I honestly don't know."

He sighed and revved the engine, "I must be out of practice fending off your weird pop culture references."

She giggled, "Good thing we have plenty of time to remedy that situation. Now-" She pointed towards the road, "Hit the road Jack."

He groaned, "Oh please don't start sing-"

"Hit the road Jack. And don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more!" She sang loudly

He sighed and pulled back onto the highway, "I liked it much better when you were sleeping."

She tossed a redvine at him, "Too bad. I'm wide awake now!"

He chuckled and tried to pretend like he was annoyed but he knew it was no use. They both knew he found this amusing. He missed their banter. Hell he just plain missed her.

As he started to drive again he wondered how this was all going to unfold. How and when he should tell her. How she would react. Would she want to leave as soon as she found out? He wouldn't blame her if she did. But right now...in this moment he needed her beside him. He would figure out the rest later…

* * *

They drove for most of the day, and into the late evening. They were making good time according to Luke's calculations though. He pulled into a hotel parking lot and yawned, stretching slightly.

She frowned and looked around, "What are we doing?"

He turned towards her, "I'm beat for the day. We need to sleep."

She continued to frown, "We're staying in a hotel?"

He sat up a little straighter and stared at her, "Uh...yes? Is that a problem?"

She shook her head, "Well...I mean no. I like hotels." She rolled her eyes, "I mean obviously because I work in the industry and-"

"Lorelai." He said with little patience left, "What's the problem?"

"I guess…" She fidgeted slightly, "I assumed that you know we'd camp or something." She said awkwardly.

Luke was floored, he snorted which he saw made her harden slightly, "Camp? Lorelai you don't camp. The one time I tried to get you to do it, you lasted five minutes before running full speed back to the car because a bird landed within ten feet of you."

She sighed, "Yes well I wasn't prepared for that bird. Plus it wasn't just a bird. I maintain that it was a vulture."

He smirked, "There are no vultures in Connecticut. It was a robin."

She crossed her arms over her chest, "Robin. Vulture. Same family."

He opened his mouth to protest but stopped himself again, "I'm still not understanding what-"

"I just figured we were going to do this the way you planned it with your Dad." She said with a soft whisper, "He would have wanted to camp, right?"

Luke sighed and pulled the key out of the ignition, "Yeah I mean we talked about camping as much as we could."

She shrugged, "Then we should do it the way you want to do it Luke. The way it was planned."

He smiled, feeling moved that she cared enough to want to face one of her fears for him, "That's uh...that's sweet of you but I can't ask you to do that. I've already put you in a weird position. I'm not going to make you sleep in a tent too."

She frowned, "But Luke…"

"Look…" He said shifting towards her slightly, "If it means that much to you we can discuss it. We've got a long trip ahead of us. But maybe the first night at least, we stay in a hotel? A real bed? Yeah?"

She let out a little shaky breath, "Yeah. Okay." She paused for a moment, "But you did pack a tent, right?"

Luke nodded, "Two. Just in case." He said with a shrug.

She smiled softly, "Good." She turned to get out of the car and stretched her legs, "But just for the record...if and when we do camp you're going to have to stay up all night and ward off all the creepy crawlies that may come near me."

He chuckled and got out of the car, stretching his own legs, "Noted."

She smiled and walked around the back of the truck to grab one of her bags. He grabbed his own duffel bag and they walked towards the entrance of the hotel. Lorelai glanced around as he walked up to the front desk.

"Hi." Luke said with a smile, "Any vacancies?"

The woman behind the desk nodded, "Certainly. One room?"

Luke tensed slightly and he saw Lorelai freeze beside him, "Um…" He cleared his throat, "T-Two please." He stumbled.

He thought he saw Lorelai relax slightly, but also felt that he sensed something else. Some sort of sadness or regret. He pushed it into the back of his mind and took out his wallet.

"Okay. We have to adjoining rooms on the second floor. Does that work? Queen beds in both." She said with a smile.

Luke nodded and tapped his credit card on the counter, "Sure. Sounds great."

He signed the paperwork and grabbed the room keys before turning back to Lorelai. She stood nervously beside him, and lifted her bag. "Ready?"

He nodded and pointed towards the elevator. She walked beside him and they got into the small space. They rode upstairs silently and shared only a brief awkward smile. Once upstairs, they walked down the hall towards their rooms.

They both stopped, she shifted from foot to foot, "You didn't have too-"

"It's no big deal." He said with a smile, "Good to have our own space."

She blushed softly, "Yeah but it's more money and-"

"Really. Don't worry about it." He said brushing her off, "It's fine."

She looked down, "Tomorrow I'll pay."

He cleared his throat, "If you want…"

She swallowed hard, "Um...which room do you want?"

"Oh it doesn't matter." He said shaking his head, "I'm sure they are the same really."

She nodded, "Then I'll take this one." She said pointing to the one closest to her.

Luke nodded, "Great." He handed her the key and then pointed to the other room, "And I'll just take this one."

She nodded, "Okay." She paused, "Um...did you want to grab dinner or something?"

"Sure." He said with a nod, "I saw a restaurant downstairs."

She nodded, "Okay. I'll just drop my stuff off…"

Luke nodded, "Great."

She nodded again and slipped into the room. He sighed when he watched her go, wondering how much of this he was going to be able to take.

* * *

After a quick dinner, they both retreated upstairs to their separate rooms. After an awkward goodbye, Luke took a quick shower and changed. Now he was lying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about the fact that she was so close yet so far away. Right next door she was probably lying in her own bed. Brief images of her tangled up in his bed above the Diner invaded his mind.

He groaned and put a hand over his face, then he heard the TV in the room beside him click on. His eyes popped open again and a different memory washed over him…

* * *

 _LUKE'S APARTMENT_

 _[Lorelai comes out of the bathroom. Luke is lying in bed.]_

 _LORELAI: Hey. You built me a shelf. That's so nice._

 _LUKE: It was anything but nice. I kept using your crazy toothpaste._

 _LORELAI: There's nothing crazy about my toothpaste._

 _LUKE: It's cinnamon._

 _LORELAI: So what?_

 _LUKE: I don't like cinnamon. I like normal flavored._

 _LORELAI: What exactly is this normal flavor?_

 _LUKE: You know, striped._

 _LORELAI: Striped. That's not a flavor._

 _LUKE: It is in the toothpaste world._

 _LORELAI: Ooo, the toothpaste world. Is that anything like Whoville?_

 _[She joins him in bed.]_

 _LUKE: I'm exhausted._

 _LORELAI [perky]: I'm exhilarated._

 _LUKE: You know, you don't have to do this._

 _LORELAI: Hey. Going to bed early every once in a while is good for ya._

 _LUKE: I have to get up at four. You don't._

 _LORELAI: Yes, I know, but every night you have early deliveries is a night we spend apart and seriously, where's the good in that?_

 _LUKE: Okay. [He turns off the light.] 'Night._

 _[They kiss.]_

 _LORELAI: Night._

 _[They kiss again. Luke rolls over. Lorelai is sitting up. She looks around, wide awake.]_

 _LORELAI: Man, is it quiet. Do you hear how quiet it is?_

 _LUKE: Mm-hmm._

 _LORELAI: Do you have a pin, 'cause I want to hear it drop._

 _LUKE: No pins._

 _LORELAI: Okay. Sorry. So, okay. Good night. [She leans back, then taps Luke on the shoulder.] Hey, Luke. Why don't you have a T.V.?_

 _LUKE: I have a T.V._

 _LORELAI: No, I mean, in here, in the bedroom so you can watch T.V. in bed._

 _LUKE [rolls back over]: I don't watch T.V. in bed. Studies show that it's not good for your sleep._

 _LORELAI: What studies?_

 _LUKE: Watching T.V. in bed screws up your REM sleep._

 _LORELAI: But Charlie Rose, Jon Stewart, Pink Lady and Jeff?_

 _LUKE: All screw up your REM sleep._

 _LORELAI: How does Charlie Rose screw up your REM sleep?_

 _LUKE: Because he's always got some guy on pushing a book about how everything's all going to hell, or they're going to pass a law, how everyone with a nose ring is going to get shipped off to China. Suddenly you're depressed, thinking we're all going to die and don't drink the water, there's anthrax in my bagel - and bam, there goes your REM sleep._

 _LORELAI: Or Mel Brooks is on, and he is so funny, and you think, "What a wonderful world we live in, that there's a Mel Brooks to go to sleep to."_

 _LUKE: Mel Brooks is never on Charlie Rose, and when he is on he's talking about Nazis, and then you go to sleep and you dream about Nazis and they all look like Nathan Lane, and you're creeped out for days._

 _LORELAI: You know what ruins your REM sleep, is those articles about REM sleep. And you know what could help you forget those articles about REM sleep?_

 _LUKE: What?_

 _LORELAI: A television._

 _[Luke opens his eyes.]_

 _LORELAI: Say goodnight, Gracie._

 _LUKE: Goodnight, Gracie._

* * *

He smiled at the memory but felt his heart ache in his chest. That felt like a million years ago. So much had happened since then.

He sighed and rolled over, staring at the door that lead to their adjoining rooms, "Goodnight Gracie…" He whispered to himself.

* * *

Beside his room, Lorelai lay awake staring at the TV. John Stewart was droning on about something. It didn't matter what he was saying really. She just knew she wasn't going to be able to fall asleep quickly. Luke was just feet from her, laying in bed.

She wondered if he still slept in the same clothes, wondered if he slept in the same position. She wondered if he had slept with anyone else while…

She groaned and threw a pillow over her head.

She had no right. No right to feel jealous or angry. She sure had slept with someone. On multiple occasions to be exact.

Not that her heart was really in it with Christopher. She was always thinking of Luke. Somehow that thought made her feel worse though. She had been married to Christopher but emotionally she was unfaithful to him. There was never any doubt that her heart and mind had always been with Luke. Even despite what had happened between them, her heart still belonged to Luke. And that was definitely never going to change.

She sighed and threw the pillow down, staring at the TV a memory washed over her too…

* * *

 _LUKE: I will never, under any circumstances, no matter how short a dress you put on, go back to Al's Pancake World ever, ever again._

 _LORELAI [OS]: Aw, you didn't like your manicotti?_

 _LUKE: That was not manicotti, it was square and flat and blue._

 _LORELAI [OS]: Yeah. Manicotti's rarely blue._

 _[Lorelai comes out of the bathroom.]_

 _LUKE: You know, I've been thinking, uh, maybe I shouldn't go to this thing of your parents'._

 _LORELAI: First Al's Pancake World, and now my parents vow renewal?_

 _LUKE: I'm serious. I'm not really their favorite person. They don't really want me there._

 _LORELAI: Hey, I'm not their favorite person either, and I still have to go._

 _LUKE: I know, it's just – it's going to be this big fancy thing with all their friends. And, you know, I just –_

 _LORELAI: Listen. My parents are very weird people. They don't hate you. They just don't know you. This is the perfect opportunity. They'll be happy. They'll be smashed. You show up, shake some hands, get in a few family pictures, and before you know it my mother will be trying to convince you you're too good for me. [Luke sighs.] Come on, it'll be fun. Good food. Open bar. I'm wearing a fabulous dress and as maid of honor, if you're not there, I'll have to get drunk and make out with the best man. Who is Rory. So you can see all the creepy ramifications of your absence here._

 _LUKE: Okay._

 _LORELAI: Okay? [Luke nods.] Okay. [She gasps, seeing the T.V.] Hey! You got a T.V.!_

 _LUKE: Oh. Yeah._

 _LORELAI: Since when did you get a T.V.?_

 _LUKE: I just picked it up this morning._

 _LORELAI: What about your REM sleep?_

 _LUKE: Hey, twice a week you're going to bed at 9:30 like a 72-year-old woman because I have early deliveries, so I figured the least I could do is make sure you don't miss your Charlie Rose or your Patrick Stewart –_

 _LORELAI: Jon Stewart._

 _LUKE: And plus, I can sleep through anything. Once I'm out, I'm out._

 _LORELAI: Oh, I know._

 _LUKE: So, here. [He hands her the remote.] Enjoy._

 _LORELAI [turning on the T.V.]: You are too good for me._

 _LUKE: Well, maybe I'll meet a nice girl at your parent's wedding._

 _[Lorelai glares as he turns off the light, then settles in to watch T.V.]  
_

* * *

God she missed him.

She missed him so fucking much it made her stomach hurt. It made every inch of her body burn and ache. He was just on the other side of the door. Luke.

Her Luke.

He was right there.

Tears burned in her eyes and suddenly she was up and out of the bed before she realized what she was doing. She was knocking on the door that connected to his, not giving it a second to think it through. Her heart almost plummeted to her stomach when he did open the door and her eyes met his.

"Lorelai?" He asked softly, it was clear he hadn't been sleeping but he looked concerned, "You okay?"

"I uh…" She shifted awkwardly where she stood, "I just...um…"

He took a step towards her, now standing between the two rooms, "What's wrong?"

The worry in his voice and his eyes sent shivers down her spine. Despite everything...he was still there. Underneath all the pain, **Her Luke** was still there. The one that was always there when she needed him. The one that would do anything she asked of him. The one that she loved with all of her heart.

And yet...she couldn't jump.

Not now.

Not yet.

She sighed and stepped back, he frowned and called her name again, "Lorelai?"

She took a deep breath and whispered, "I just...I realized that we didn't talk about what our plan for tomorrow was." She saw him give her a puzzled look, "You know I didn't know if you wanted to get up early. Hit the road...and we both know I can sleep in. But I can set an alarm if you have a set schedule. So I figured I'd just ask...you know before you fell asleep. And then I'll set the alarm and wake up and be ready and-"

"Oh." He whispered as he stepped back, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head, "Right. Yeah. Sure. Um...I mean I'm not in a rush."

"Great." She said shifting from leg to leg, "I just...I just wanted to check in with you about that."

He stared at her for a moment, wishing he didn't feel so sad that she hadn't wanted something else. Wasn't seeking him for other reasons…

"Yeah. Um...we can just leave whenever." He said with a shrug, "No big deal."

"Perfect." She said with an awkward thumbs up, she cringed, "Well I'm going to get some sleep now. Let you get some sleep too." She stepped back, "So I'll just be…" She pointed to her bed which was up against the wall where his bed was, "I'll be here."

Luke nodded, "And I'll be here."

She reached forward and patted him on the shoulder, "Great. Great! See you in the morning buddy."

He stepped back just in time for her to slam the door shut between them. He stared at the dark wood in shock. She stood on the other side, leaning her palms against it. He frowned and whispered to himself, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

She groaned and pressed her forehead against the door and thought the same thing, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

They both took a few calming breaths, then walked towards their own beds. Fully aware of how close they still were to each other. A wall didn't seem like enough to ward off the tension, the longing, the pain. They both lay down in their beds, staring up at the ceiling and wondered how long this was going to last before one of them cracked…

The last thing she thought of before she finally drifted off to sleep was, "He's still my Luke…"

The last thing he thought of before he drifted off to sleep was, "I shouldn't be doing this to her…"

And to think...they had only just barely survived day one.

* * *

 **I hope you're still in because I'm having a lot of fun writing this. Lots in my mind I need to plan out and write. Looking forward to it! I will update as soon as I can! I have a wedding on Friday that will take up a lot of time, but when I can write I will! Thanks guys!**


	3. Part 2

**You guys are seriously awesome! Sorry for the wait. Insane week last week, my best friend got married so I was away. But I made sure to sit down and write the next chapter. There won't always be flashbacks in chapters at least I don't think. But so far they are helping me write. Anyway - here is the next chapter. I will update when I can! Thanks!**

* * *

_(Luke flips the sign to "Closed" and locks the door.)_

 _LUKE: That's it. We're closed for the night._

 _LORELAI: You know, listen - since you have to take everything off the walls to decide what stuff you're going to keep and what stuff you're to get rid of._

 _LUKE: Everything stays._

 _LORELAI: OK, there's a plastic dancing pork chop that says -_

 _LUKE: Everything stays._

 _LORELAI: "I lost my head over a good chop. You should too."_

 _LUKE: Everything stays._

 _LORELAI: Ok. Everything stays._

 _LUKE: You know, this place hasn't been painted since my dad was alive._

 _LORELAI: No, I didn't know that._

 _LUKE: He painted it before he opened it and once more when the roof caved in one winter. I think that's probably it._

 _LORELAI: The paint lasted a long time. He got his money's worth._

 _LUKE: Yep. He really loved this place, you know. This store was his life. Mine too, I guess. I spent every minute I wasn't in school here. I spent a lot of minutes I was supposed to be in school in here too._

 _LORELAI: How come you opened a diner? Why didn't you keep it a hardware store?_

 _LUKE: I don't know. I didn't love the hardware business the way my dad did, and, you know, I knew how to cook, so I just thought a diner would be more...fun._

 _LORELAI: (laughing) That's a hard word for you to say._

 _LUKE: (laughs) Yeah. I just always wanted to work here. Just where Dad did._

 _LORELAI: God that's nice. To be so - I don't know - connected to your dad. That's - I would have loved that._

 _LUKE: Well you've got that with Rory._

 _LORELAI: Yeah...I guess so._

 _LUKE: You know, I still think there's a spot on the wall somewhere where my dad took an order one day when he ran out of paper._

 _LORELAI: Really? Where?_

 _LUKE: I don't know. Behind the counter maybe._

 _(Lorelai goes behind the counter.)_

 _LUKE: Next to the door. On the right side._

 _(Lorelai sits on the floor. Luke joins her.)_

 _LORELAI: Oh. Huh. Here it is: "Three hammers, Phillips-head screwdrivers -"_

 _LUKE: "and three boxes of nails in assorted sizes."_

 _LORELAI: Oh._

 _LUKE: I've seen it from time to time._

 _(They laugh.)_

 _LUKE: Yeah, well, I guess it is time for a little spruce._

 _LORELAI: Yeah, it is. But let's not spruce this particular spot._

 _LUKE: That sounds good._

 _LORELAI: OK._

 _(They look at each other then hear voices outside. Luke starts to get up.)_

 _LUKE: Oh, jeez -_

 _LORELAI: No, no, don't get up._

 _LUKE: But if I don't get up -_

 _LORELAI: They'll go away. They'll go away, trust me. Shh._

 _(Taylor rattles the doorknow and knocks on the window.)_

 _TAYLOR: What are they doing? They should be in there. Just imagine it all in pastels. The whole thing._

 _(When they can't see anything, the crowd leaves.)_

 _LUKE: Thank you._

 _LORELAI: You're welcome: (whispers) I should go._

 _LUKE: OK._

 _LORELAI: Ah, so. It's going to be great._

 _LUKE: Oh, I'm sure it is._

 _LORELAI: See ya._

 _LUKE: See ya._

 _(Lorelai leaves.)  
_

* * *

Luke woke with a jolt. It was only a dream. A memory...it had been real but it happened so long ago. It was hard to believe how long ago it had been. Why hadn't he kissed her that night? That thought had always haunted him.

Sure they were friends then, good friends. But he felt it. He couldn't deny that he felt it then. Hell he had felt it from the moment she had waltzed into the Diner in a caffeine frenzy. He sat up and rubbed the spot between his eyes, his head was pounding. He sighed and thougth of his Father. Of the disease that had turned into the man he once saw as Superman into nothing more than skin and bones.

He frowned, climbed out of bed and looked in the mirror. Would that happen to him too? Would he wither away? Would it take long or would it be quick? If this was cancer...would he fight it? Or would he just give in.

The questiones haunted him and he shuttered. What was there to fight for if he did?

The lump formed in his throat and he knew the answer.

Lorelai.

He sighed and looked down. Of course there was April too. Rory, Jess, Liz, TJ and little Doula. A whole life that he had built in a town he pretended to hate but secretly loved. There was so much to fight for...but there was also her.

Lorelai.

Lorelai.

Lorelai.

What was he doing all this for? What did she want? Did she want to be friends? Did she want to try again? Could they try again? Could they get past all the terrible things they had done to each other.

He plopped down on the edge of the bed again and sighed thinking about that night all those years ago. Sharing that moment with Lorelai behind the counter. A few months ago he had dropped something while he was cleaning up. His eyes skimmed to the fading writing and he smiled, and then his heart ached. Both for his Father and for the missed opportunities with the woman he loved.

He wondered if she even remembered that night. Probably not. It wouldn't have been as significant to her, or so he assumed. As if on cue, a gentle knock echoed on his door, the one that joined their rooms. The same one that he had pulled open after her frantic knocking the night before.

This time when he opened the door and came face to face with her, she didn't seem frantic or nervous. Just shy...reserved. Very unlike herself. She smiled softly and lifted a bag and a cup, "I brought you some tea and a scone."

Luke rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock, "What time is it?"

She smiled, "A little past ten."

Luke's eyes widened, "Past ten? Ten in the morning?"

She nodded, "Yes."

Luke let out a sigh, "Wow. I never sleep that late."

She shrugged, "You were tired. It's okay. Sometimes it's good to let your body rest Luke."

He nodded and rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah. I guess you're right. Just can't remember a time in which you were awake before me."

She laughed, "It is a rare site. I'll give you that."

He took the tea and scone bag from her, "Thank you. Did you sleep alright?"

She nodded slowly, "Um, yeah. You know always strange at first when you're in a different place. But I uh...I drifted off after awhile."

He lifted the tea to his lips, "Great." He took a sip and smiled, "Peppermint."

"I assumed it was still your favorite." She said awkwardly, "I can go get another one if-"

"It's great. Thank you." He said stepping into the room, "Did you get coffee?"

She nodded, "I did. On my second cup actually."

Luke chuckled and sat down at the little table in his room, "Somethings never change."

She shook her head, "No. They most certainly do not."

Just as he was about to open the bag, his phone rang. He stood up again and went to walk over to the bedside table. Lorelai awkwardly stood by the adjoining doors. He flipped open the phone without checking who it was first.

"Hello?" He asked giving Lorelai a little smile, she blushed but smiled back.

" _Dad?"_ A nervous April asked, " _I called The Diner and the Apartment but there was no answer. I finally got through to Caesar and he said you were on some cross country trip. What is going on?"_

Luke cringed, he had completely forgotten to tell April where he was going. Yes, she was at camp but she promised to call him often and was probably assumed ing to hear from him soon. "April. Hey kid. I'm so sorry I didn't call you sooner."

From beside him Lorelai froze, she felt so out of place. All those old feelings rushed back to her. Feeling unwanted in his life, feeling like there was no room for her anymore. She stood there for a moment trying to contemplate what to do next.

He heard his daughter sigh, " _Where are you? Did you go by yourself?"_

He cringed again and sat down on the bed, his back to Lorelai, "Uh actually no kid...I'm not."

The sight of his back turned to her set something off in her gut. She couldn't just stand there. Who knew how long he would be on the phone with his daughter. The daughter he had hid from her for two months. The daughter that he had used to push her away. With shaky legs, she turned and closed the door to give him his privacy and he didn't seem to notice.

 _"Well then who are you with?"_ April asked quickly.

"Well...I'm actually with Lorelai." He heard her gasp and then shriek, "April it's not-"

 _"Are you guys back together? Did you elope? Oh my God does Rory know?"_ She was speaking frantically and hurriedly, and somehow it reminded him so much of Lorelai.

He turned to look at her but realized she was suddenly gone and his heart sank, "Uh...no. We aren't back together. We're just...we're friends."

She huffed on the other side of the phone, " _Friends? Please Dad. You are so not just friends. And where the hell are you anyway?"_

He sighed and stood up, "First of all language...second we are...we are going cross country."

She shrieked again, " _Cross country? You're just going cross country with the woman you almost married? Geez Dad! How could you not tell me all this!"_

"It all happened rather quickly. I'm sorry. I should have called to tell you." He frowned, "My parents had always wanted to take this trip...and it never happened unfortunately. But I came across the old map and decided to give it a go since I already had the time off. I asked Lorelai to come with me and she said yes and so now here are are."

 _"Wow."_ He heard his daughter say, " _That's...that's pretty incredible. I mean was it just because you found the map or is there more? I mean did something happen or-"_

"No." He lied quickly, seemingly unable to tell her the truth, "It was just...just the map thing."

 _"Oh. Well...I mean what does this all mean?"_ She asked curiously, " _Do you think you will get back together?"_

"I honestly have no idea kid. We're both just...just trying to figure it all out. She's sad about Rory leaving anyway. Right now we've just started the trip. I don't have much to tell you other than I'm sorry about not telling you right away that we left." He said with a frown.

" _It's okay. I'm just glad you're okay. I was starting to get nervous."_ He heard someone talking to her, _"I should get going anyway. We are heading on an early morning walk."_

"How's camp going?" He asked with a little smile, "Are you having a ton of fun?"

 _"So far it's great, yes."_ She paused, " _Hey! Maybe if you make it out this way you can come visit! I'd love to see you and Lorelai for that matter."_

He smiled, "I'd like that...I'll keep you updated on our whereabouts. And you call me whenever you want okay? I want to know everything that's going on."

 _"Same goes for you. I want to know EVERYTHING."_ She teased, " _Especially when I end up getting a new Step-Mom finally!"_

"April…" He said with a little chuckle, "I don't think-"

" _Sorry Dad, gotta dash! Tell Lorelai I said hi! And have fun."_ She hung up the phone before he could say another word.

He smiled to himself and hung up the phone. Turning he noted that the door between their rooms was closed again. He frowned and wondered when she had run off and why. Walking over to the door, he tapped on it gently. After a minute or two, it opened and she stood there with a smile on her face, but not her usual bright smile. One that looked faked and forced, one he swore he remembered seeing some other time…

"Oh hey." She said softly, she fidgeted slightly.

He frowned, "You didn't have to leave the room…"

"Oh!" She said waving a hand at him, "I just...figured you'd like some privacy." She rubbed her arm nervously, "No big deal. I was just going to jump in the shower real quick...then we can uh...hit the road if you want."

Luke tried to understand her jumpy behavior, "Oh. Okay."

She nodded, "Great. So...I'll see you in like twenty minutes? I won't dry my hair or anything. Just want to freshen up a bit."

Luke nodded, "Yeah. Sure. Do you want me to help with your bags?"

"Oh no." She said shaking her head, "I'll just meet you down at the truck. Okay?" She didn't wait for him to answer before she shut the door behind her leaving Luke stunned once again by her behavior.

She leaned her back against the door and shuddered as a memory passed over her…

* * *

 _LORELAI: So, who do you belong to. Caesar?_

 _APRIL: Who?_

 _LORELAI: You're not Caesar's?_

 _APRIL: Not according to the lab results._

 _LORELAI: Well, how'd you land the gig?_

 _APRIL: My father owns the place. The diner, at least. Not sure about the land._

 _LORELAI: Your father?_

 _APRIL: My biological father. (Luke comes out from the kitchen and notices the scene taking place) Not really sure what to call him, it's kind of new. (Lorelai sees him too and they look at each other. Lorelai looks upset. Luke looks uncomfortable) Not the biological part, that was years ago. I wonder if brown rice would work, too. Brown might be more decorative or it might backfire. People might think there are bugs in the salt. I should put some brown rice in one of the shakers and use it as a control group against the other ones._

 _LUKE: I thought you couldn't get away._

 _LORELAI: I got away._

 _APRIL: She said she wasn't a strangler._

 _LUKE: Uh, you want to go outside and uh...?_

 _LORELAI: Uh-huh. (walks outside)_

 _LUKE: April, I'll be right back, OK?_

 _APRIL: OK. (Luke follows Lorelai outside)_

 _(CUT to Stars Hollow outside Luke's, continuous. Lorelai is standing there waiting as Luke exits and walks up to her)_

 _LORELAI: So she's..._

 _LUKE: Yeah._

 _LORELAI: Wow._

 _LUKE: I know._

 _LORELAI: That's..._

 _LUKE: My daughter._

 _LORELAI: I don't believe it._

 _LUKE: I still have trouble believing it._

 _LORELAI: You have a..._

 _LUKE: Yeah._

 _LORELAI: Right. And what is she, twelve?_

 _LUKE: Yeah, twelve._

 _LORELAI: Twelve years. Twelve years! This is for sure?_

 _LUKE: It's for sure._

 _LORELAI: When did you find out?_

 _LUKE: I just found out._

 _LORELAI: Just? When just? She's in there filling salt shakers. It doesn't feel that new to me._

 _LUKE: Two months ago._

 _LORELAI: Two months?! That's a hell of a long time to go without telling me._

 _LUKE: I know. I should've told you._

 _LORELAI: She's cute._

 _LUKE: Lorelai, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry. It's all just a blur of stuff happening. I mean, she just came into the diner two months ago, no warning, talking about a science fair and how I may be her father, and she pulled my hair out and DNA-tested it, and then I wanted to forget the whole thing, but I went to the fair and found out the truth. And we were at the park, and she wanted to come here. And I called you today, wanting a moment to talk about it, but you were busy, and...so I put it off again. And here we are._

 _LORELAI: Here we are._

 _LUKE: It's stupid. I'm stupid._

 _LORELAI: Look...I need to digest this and you have to get back inside. So, uh, I'm just gonna go someplace where I can digest this and we'll just talk more later, OK?_

 _LUKE: Sure. Whenever you want._

 _LORELAI: OK._

 _LUKE: I'm sorry. (Lorelai sadly nods and walks away. Luke doesn't seem to pleased with himself)  
_

* * *

She sighed, wiped at the millionth tear she had cried over him and went to the bathroom to shower, all the while wondering what thell she was doing here.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Luke stood out in front of the truck, kicking at the dirt anxiously waiting for Lorelai to show up. Half expecting to find out she had hailed a cab and was halfway back to Stars Hollow by now. He couldn't pretend he wasn't relieved as hell when he saw her walking towards him in the parking lot, her bag at her side.

"Hey." He said quickly walking to her to retrieve her bag.

"Oh. Uh." She shifted from foot to foot nervously, "Thanks. You don't have too-"

He shook his head, "Don't mention it." He turned back to her, "Ready to go?"

She nodded, "You um...you checked us out?"

Luke nodded, "Yeah. Everything's been taken care of. I got you some more coffee too just in case. It's in the cup holder in front."

"Oh. Thanks." She said with a little nervous smile, "Do you want me to drive? I mean I know you're nervous about it but-"

"Nah. I'm good." He said shaking his head, "You can just relax. Pick some road music."

She frowned, "You hate my road music."

Luke shrugged, "As long as you don't play KISS or Meatloaf I'll be fine."

She chuckled, "Oh come on, you can't deny that Paradise by the Dashboard light is a classic!"

He rolled his eyes, "Uh yes I can. It's a terrible song."

She scoffed, "You have no idea what good music is." She walked over to the passenger seat, "I'll have to teach you a thing or two during this trip my friend."

The word friend stung a little, but her returned banter made him hopeful that maybe not all hope was lost. He smiled, made sure all their bags were secured in the trunk and then climbed into the Driver side beside her. He turned his key in the ignition and watched as she fiddled with the radio to try and find a station she liked.

"So...I was thinking today we'd hit up Philly." He said, "See the Liberty Bell. My Dad was always fascinated it by it for some reason. I never knew why."

She nodded, "Sounds good."

She paused when she thought of Philadelphia, something about that place ignited those worries again. She couldn't quite put her finger on it at first. Then she remembered...he had taken April there to meet Jess for his book release party. Rory had been there too...he hadn't expected her to be there. She had really officially met April before Lorelai had.

She sat back in her seat and folded her hands in her lap, giving up on her pursuit to find good music. Why after all this time did this hurt so damn badly? Why couldn't she let it go? She knew the answer...because it killed her to know that he wanted to keep something so important from her. It made her feel irrelevant when she heard that everyone else in her life was able to meet his daughter except for her. The woman he was supposedly going to spend the rest of his life with.

The dull ache started to build again and she absentmindedly scooted even further from him, practically plastering herself to the car door. This didn't go unnoticed by Luke. It also didn't go unnoticed that she had left the radio on static which he knew drove her nuts. There were many bickering matches during their relationship about her disdain for static and how she begged him to just get CDs to play.

The only time he had a CD in his car though was during their first break up...and a memory washed over him again.

* * *

 _LUKE: So I thought we'd go to Marino's. You like Marino's, right?_

 _LORELAI: Mmm. [Her attention is on the C.D. in her hand. She looks baffled as she holds it up.] What is this?_

 _LUKE: What?_

 _LORELAI: Reggae Fever?_

 _LUKE: So?_

 _LORELAI: When did you buy this? Where did you buy this? Why did you buy this?_

 _LUKE: I was at the gas station last week. It was at the register. What's the big deal?_

 _LORELAI: The big deal is it's Reggae Fever._

 _LUKE: I know!_

 _LORELAI: When you look in the mirror, do you see Reggae Fever?_

 _LUKE: It was cheap._

 _LORELAI: 'Ja Glory' by Toots Bambada. 'Lively up Yourself' by the Family Zigzag, 'Let your Ya be Ya' by Ranking Roy. What else am I going to find in here? Ganja and a yellow, green and red knit cap?_

 _LUKE: I bought a C.D. I didn't adopt the entire Rastafarian culture._

 _LORELAI: This is so weird. I mean, to think that there was this whole chunk of time when we weren't together. We were living totally separate lives. I was just working like crazy and you were running around, buying reggae C.D.'s._

 _LUKE: One C.D. One._

 _LORELAI [sighs]: I just hate that we were apart._

 _LUKE: Yeah, wasn't too fond of it myself._

 _LORELAI: Well, all I can say is, you're lucky I'm back in your life, because clearly you were lost without me. I mean, it's a miracle you're even still alive. Right?_

 _LUKE: You bet._

 _[They smile. Luke starts the truck.]  
_

* * *

She had to know how much more that was all true now after this last break up. It was so much worse than the first one. It was debilitating in some ways. It was like all the oxygen had been ripped from his lungs. All the blood had dried up in his veins. His heart had stopped and he just barely existed.

He hated thinking of all the wasted moments. The waste time. The time apart…

He frowned and looked over at her, wondering what was going on in that head of hers. There was a time he had been able to read her so well. He knew her like the back of his hand. Knew her every mood, her every thought. He could sense it above everyone else when she was sad. He knew when she was happy, really truly happy. And he knew when she was trying to hide behind her pain.

Yet somehow...all those abilities he prided himself with seemed to sleep out the window at some point. He wasn't sure when. Maybe he was just to preoccupied with his life and finding out about April that he blocked her feelings out. At the thought of his daughter, he fidgeted slightly and focused on the road in front of him.

"So uh...April says hi." He said as he drove.

She didn't turn to look at him, but he could sense her tense up beside him, "Oh?"

He cleared his throat, "Uh yeah. Yeah...she said hi."

She nodded, "Okay."

When she had nothing else to say, he shivered as if the car had turned ice cold despite the fact that it was nearing 85 degrees outside, "I sort of forgot to mention to her that I was going on a trip."

Lorelai frowned and reached for her sunglasses in her bag, she put them over her eyes to be able to hide from him if she started to cry, "Was she mad?"

"No. Not mad just...just worried." He said softly, "Didn't know where I was. She's never really seen me outside the Diner much I'm sure it confused her. Startled her."

"Hm…" She said softly as she looked back out the window.

Luke opened his mouth, "Lorelai-"

"How long until we get to Philly?" She asked quickly.

Luke sighed, "A couple of hours probably."

She nodded and curled her arm up under her against the window, "You mind if I sleep for a few more hours until we get there? I didn't' sleep as well as I actually thought."

He looked over at her and felt his heart pound harder in his chest, "Sure."

She smiled awkwardly and closed her eyes, having no intention of actually sleeping. Even if she wanted too, she was pretty sure her brain would never shut off long enough for her to get any actual sleep. But she didn't feel like making small talk in this tiny old truck. And she also didn't' feel like breaking down in front of him. So the safest bet was to pretend she was asleep...no matter how awkward it was.

Luke sighed, gripped the steering wheel tighter and focussed on the road in front of him. He had a feeling it was going to be a rough day…

* * *

When they finally reached their destination, Lorelai had actually fallen asleep. Luke awkwardly shook her awake and she blinked trying to get a hold of her surroundings.

"Sorry." He whispered, "But we're uh...we're here."

She rolled her neck back and forth, "Ow…"

He frowned, "Sorry I-"

She shook her head, "I'm fine. Just a little stiff." She opened the car door and waited for him to follow her.

They looked around the busy streets of Philadelphia and noticed the tourists gathering around different areas. Lorelai spotted the Liberty Bell and pointed towards it. He nodded and followed her, wondering if a nap would have improved her mood at all.

He watched as she picked up a pamphlet and rifled through it as they got in line to get a better look at the historical monument. "So it says here that it was actually originally called the State House Bell but was changed in the 1830s during the antislavery movement."

"I think April mentioned that once." He said, he watched her stiffen beside him again.

She cleared her throat, "Oh." She rifled through the pamphlet again, "It also says no one knows when it originally cracked."

He sighed, "Lorelai-"

"Sorry did you know that too?" She closed the pamphlet, "I can-"

"What's going on?" He asked softly, "Why are you being so weird?"

She scoffed, "I'm not being weird." She placed a hand on her heart, "We just got here."

He turned to her and crossed his arms over his chest, "Stop. Just stop."

She turned to see a few people staring at them, "I don't know what you're going on about but I'd rather not make a scene Luke."

He sighed, "Ever since I got the call from April this morning you've been acting strange. I mean you took off while I was on the phone."

"I told you I figured you'd like some privacy." She said shrugging as she turned towards the bell again.

He shook his head, "And everytime I've mentioned her you've completely clammed up on me. I mean I know things are still weird but I don't know why hearing April's name-" He watched her cringe again, "See...you just did it again!"

"Did what?" She asked stepping away from him, "I don't know what you're-"

"April." He said testing his theory, he sighed when she stepped even further away from him and turned her head to the side, "You won't even look at me."

She sighed and turned to walk away, "Luke don't…"

He quickly followed her, "Lorelai stop."

She sighed and walked into a little open clearing, "I don't want to do this right now."

"Well I do." He said with a huff, "Tell me what the hell is going on."

She sighed and turned back to him, "I just...I don't know how to talk to you about her. Or...or deal with her."

He frowned, "I don't understand. What-"

"Luke...I'm not meaning to be rude or make you uncomfortable. I just…" She shrugged, "I was never allowed to talk about her so it just...it feels weird."

He swallowed hard, "Never allowed to talk about her?"

Her cheeks burned red, "You always got really defensive if I tried to ask about her. You deflected...didn't want me around. So...so it just feels weird. I mean I know we've talked about her since we broke up. We talked about the boat trip and all but…" She looked down and shrugged, "I don't know I just feel like...like it's awkward. And it's not her fault. I think she's a great kid from the little that I've seen." She watched him flinch at her words, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I don't want to upset you I just-"

"No. No I get it." He said with a shake of his head, "I'm sorry. I should be more sensitive too…" He looked down, " Lorelai I never meant to push you away. To keep you from her. I wasn't thinking...everything got so screwed up."

She stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. They really did have so much they needed to talk about. There were all these feelings swarming around them. So many things left unsaid. She wished they could ignore it all. Start on a clean slate but it didn't' seem possible. The thing was...April was never going to go away. And Lorelai didn't want her too.

She wanted to know the little girl. She truly did. If she was half of Luke she had to be wonderful. From what she had seen of the girl, she was wonderful. She was smart and interesting. She was full of life and pulled out a new side of Luke. She wanted him to have a relationship with his daughter. That had never been the problem. What she didn't want was for him to start a new life without her…

She shifted her weight from foot to foot, "Was she upset that you were with me?"

Luke frowned, "No. Of course not. She's...she's quite fond of you. I'm sorry that you didn't know that. She was happy that I was here with you...she's asked a lot of questions over the last year."

She frowned, "Oh I'm sure she did." She cringed, "Although I'm sure she hates me for what I did."

He swallowed hard, "She doesn't know. And she doesn't need to know."

Her eyes welled up with tears, "You didn't tell her?"

Luke shook his head, "She's young...she didn't need to know. And I realized once I calmed down a bit that I pushed you to that...I also didn't want her to think it was her fault."

Lorelai swallowed hard, "It was never her fault Luke. She's just a kid."

Luke looked down, "I'm really sorry that I made you feel uncomfortable today. I didn't mean too...I didn't think."

She shrugged, "I guess we're going to have to face this all head on at some point. Whether we want to or not...it's all just sitting here between us."

Luke nodded, "Do you want to start now?"

She swallowed hard, "Maybe we should. But I think that I need to eat something first."

Luke chuckled, "Fair enough."

She turned and saw a little sandwich shop, "You care that much about the bell?"

He turned to look at it, "Nah I got a good enough look."

She smiled and nodded, "Well then I guess we talk…" She bit her lip, "Can we set some ground rules though?"

Luke nodded, "Sure. If that will make you feel comfortable."

She took a deep breath, "Let's uh...let's go grab some food and then we can go over to that park over there and talk."

Luke nodded, "Right behind you."

She smiled nervously and they stood in line waiting to order their food. When they were ready, they walked across the park and found a spot on a little hill overlooking the city. They settled in and began to eat their food, letting themselves collect their thoughts first.

Luke chewed on his turkey sandwich, "So...ground rules?"

She reached for a chip in her bag and nodded, "Right. So…" She sighed, "There are obviously a lot of things we want to talk about. Or maybe not want too...but need too." She paused, "I don't think we should do it all at once."

Luke nodded, "I think that's probably smart. We don't want to go into deep too quickly."

She fidgeted slightly, "Maybe we pick one topic a day to discuss and set a time limit. And maybe…" She bit her lip, "If one of us is feeling a little overwhelmed we come up with some sort of safe word."

He smirked, "Safe word?"

She rolled her eyes, "Don't let your mind wander to the gutter Luke. I just mean...a way out if we are feeling that it's getting to be too much. And we both need to respect that decision too."

Luke watched her carefully, "Okay. That's probably fair. So...what's the safeword?"

She scrunched up her nose, "Um...I don't know? Coffee?"

Luke chuckled, "You would pick coffee."

"Well do you have something better?" She asked with a nervous giggle, "Plaid?"

He chuckled, "Coffee is fine."

She nodded and picked up her sandwich, "Okay…"

"Okay." He took another bite of his sandwich, "So...do we start with the April situation?"

She shifted again, "Um...I mean if you want too. If that's...I mean I don't want-"

"Lorelai." He said softly placing his sandwich down again, "Before we start this...I need you to not be afraid to talk to to me."

She swallowed hard and looked at him, "Luke…"

"I'm sorry that I ever made you feel that way. You used to be able to tell me anything." He said with a sad smile.

She sighed and looked down again, "Things changed…We changed."

He was quiet as he watched the sadness wash over her and it hit him like a ton of bricks when he realized how much he had hurt her. "I guess we did." He took a deep breath, "Do you want to ask me something?"

She nibbled on her food, "Um...tell me about April."

Luke cleared his throat, "What about her?"

She shrugged, "Anything...about how it's been with her...getting to know her."

He nodded, "She's uh...she's incredible. I mean she's nothing like me...she's so smart. So scarily smart actually." He said with a laugh, "She knows about things I've never even heard of. She's got big dreams...she reminds me of Rory that way. Maybe that's why I felt as comfortable with her as I did right away."

Lorelai smiled, "That's great. She does seem wonderful Luke…"

He swallowed hard and looked down, "Lorelai-"

"Why didn't you tell me about her?" She asked with a soft, frightened voice, "I just...I've always wondered about that. Why you didn't trust me with that."

He sighed and looked away, "It wasn't like that. I just...I panicked Lorelai. I was thrown this huge curveball in my life. I didn't know how to handle it. And the truth is I wanted to tell you because I wanted you to fix it somehow. I don't know how...I just wanted you to help me handle it but I got scared."

"Scared of me?" She asked softly, "I don't-"

"No." He said with a shake of his head, "No I just…" He sighed again, "Right when I found out things started to get settled with Rory. You were so happy and you were planning the wedding and…" His cheeks burned red, "I didn't want to throw another wrench in the mix. I wanted to see you smile again. And I was so confused, plus I was worried that you'd me mad."

She frowned, "Why would I be mad at you? I have a kid of my own Luke. I think I would understand that. Plus...it's not your fault that Anna chose to keep her from you for 12 years."

Luke stared out at the city, "I know that she made that choice but in someway I felt no better than…" His jaw clenched and he wasn't able to finish, "Well...you know."

It didn't go unnoticed by her that he was unable to say Christopher's name. But he really didn't need too. "You are nothing like him Luke."

He opened his mouth to say something but stopped, the had agreed on one topic a day. Jumping into the Christopher thing wasn't going to happen now. "Lorelai…"

She took another bite of her sandwich, "Tell me about her."

Luke frowned, "April? I thought-"

"Anna." She said in a soft voice, "You never mentioned her before...before we found out about April."

Luke sighed, "That's because I never gave her much thought after we broke up. That sounds awful but it's true."

"Wells he was more than just some one-night stand at least I assume." She said with a shrug.

Luke nodded, "We dated briefly...after one of the times Rachel came and went. I met her at a bar that some friends dragged me too. I had been moping around because Rachel was gone again and my Dad was gone. I was lonely...she flirted and I jumped. She wasn't really my type...we had nothing in common. But for a brief moment she made me forget about what I was feeling."

She nodded, "How long did you date?"

Luke frowned, "A few months or so...it was nothing serious. At least not to me. She asked me once about a future...about kids and I said I didn't want that. And at the time I didn't really. I was young and stupid. I don't know if she was pregnant already...or it happened later. But soon after we broke up and I never heard from her again until April showed up and yanked my hair out of my head."

Lorelai looked down, "So you didn't...you weren't in…"

Her voice trailed off and he saw her eyes shimmered with unshed tears, "No. I was never in love with her."

She looked back at him, "Oh."

He took a chance and whispered, "I've only been in love once in my life."

Visions of Rachel or even Nicole flew through her brain. She wanted to believe he was talking about her, and deep down she knew that he was but she wasn't ready. She just wasn't. Clearing her throat she put her sandwich down and quickly muttered, "Coffee."

He sighed, "Lorelai…"

She shook her head, "No. Just…" She wiped her hands on her jeans, "Just coffee…"

He stared at her for a moment but nodded once, "Okay."

She frowned and looked at him, "I'm sorry...it's just...it's a lot. All at once. And it's on really the first day. I think I need to ease into this…"

Luke nodded, "I think that's fair."

She slowly stood up and looked to the left, "I think I'm going to run to the restroom real quick."

Luke nodded, "Sure. Yeah. I'll be here."

She smiled and started to walk away, then she turned to look at him, "You know Luke...I think April is one lucky kid to have you in her life. I can tell in just a short time you two have gotten really close and that makes me really happy. That's all I wanted for you. To be happy...to make up for that lost time. You deserve it. You both do."

He took a deep breath, "Thank you…"

She smiled and nodded her head before turning to walk away. He watched her as she went and wished somehow that they could keep going. Keep talking. But he understood that they had to take it slow. If they jumped to quickly, they'd probably go too far and say things they regret. Ending this trip before it really began.

But something that she said triggered something in him. What she said about making up for lost time with April. His heart clenched in his chest when he realized that he was hiding this big secret from her too. He missed out on the first 12 years of his daughter's life and now he may possibly miss out on everything else. How the hell was that fair?

He knew what it was like to lose a parent at such a young age. But April had barely gotten the time to to get to know him. If he died...would she remember him at all?

He suddenly felt wracked with guilt. He hated keeping things from April and Lorelai. Wasn't that how they got into this situation in the first place? He had hid so much from both of them during that short period of time and it wasn't fair.

He had to tell them. Both of them. But he just didn't know how how. He was also afraid that if he did tell Lorelai she would run and he felt like maybe they were finally on the right track. He didn't know what to expect from all of this. Didn't know if it would lead or could lead to them finding their way back to each other. But she did deserve to know if there wasn't a possibility of a future didn't she?

He sighed again and looked down...why did life have to be so damn hard?

* * *

After she had run to the bathroom, Lorelai's phone rang. She smiled and stepped back outside, she could see Luke sitting on the hill still. The number on the screen was Rory's and she smiled, flipping it open.

"Fruit of my loin." She said with a happy sigh.

She heard Rory chuckle, " _Someone is feeling better today."_

She shrugged, "I don't know. I guess I am...things have been crazy in the last 24 hours but good in some ways."

 _"So are you glad that you didn't leave?"_ She asked.

Lorelai nodded, "Yes. I'm glad...there have been a few rocky moments since we talked but some good ones as well. We're starting to talk things through…" She looked back at Luke, "I don't know...he seems more willing to talk things through. More open. And...I don't know what it all means but for the first time in a long time I feel hopeful. I don't know what I am hopeful for...but it feels different kid."

 _"That's good Mom…"_ Her voice trailed off slowly, " _Just...be careful."_

Lorelai bit her lip, "I know hon. I'm not saying things are fixed...that we're jumping into anything. We only had one real talk to day but the fact that he was willing to discuss it with me shows that something is different."

 _"I know that no matter what has happened he does love you Mom."_ Rory whispered.

Lorelai's heart swelled in her chest, "Rory…"

 _"I know that word is probably a little scary right now. But...no matter what happens that's the truth."_ She whispered.

Lorelai nodded, "I hope so. I don't know why I jumped and came on this trip...it just felt like my last chance at something. Something big. One way or another...it feels like it will lead to something. I suppose it will either make or break whatever we have...or had."

" _Are you scared? It's okay if you are. This is pretty big."_ She whispered.

"Terrified...but like I said hopeful too." She said softly, "Hey...I was thinking maybe we could try and visit you at some point! I know your schedule is crazy...but if we're close it would be nice."

Rory smiled, " _Keep me updated on your timeline and I'll let you know where I am. I'd love to see you both."_

"Hey kid? I really love you and I'm damn proud of you. I hope you know that." She said with a smile.

Rory felt an ache in her chest, she missed her Mother more than she could admit, " _I love you too Mom. Go be happy."_

"I'll talk to you later honey. Knock 'em dead." She said with a smile as she flipped her phone shut.

She slipped her phone in her pocket and smiled. She had backed out of the conversation before it got to heavy but it still felt like they were heading in the right direction. Even just the little amount of talking was big for them. At the end...they had fallen apart so quickly.

When they were just friends she could talk to him about anything. She wondered why it had changed as soon as they shifted to being a couple. She sighed...she could play the wondering games forever but it wouldn't change anything. The past happened and they couldn't change it.

But...they could change the future and she just hoped that they could change it for the better.

* * *

 **I'll update as soon as I can! :) Thanks!**


	4. Part 3

**Hello again! Found some more time to write and I finally finished this chapter. Hope you enjoy!**

 **A few things - he will tell her...it just may take a while. Adds to the drama and they have a lot of places to see. At least thats my plan now.**

 **Also - HYPOTHETICALLY ;) If there were to be a later rated M chapter would everyone be okay with finding that chapter in the M section? Just curious. Thanks all! Enjoy!**

* * *

A few days later, an anxious Lorelai sat in the front seat of the truck. They were just a few miles outside of Chicago and Rory had found sometime to squeeze them into her schedule. Luke couldn't help but giggle when he saw the excitement building in the woman beside him. During the last few days, they had found a way to begin to open up to each other. Though it was sometimes awkward, it was also cathartic to talk about everything and sometimes nothing at all.

They continued to use their safeword of coffee, Luke noted that so far she had used it more than him. He wasn't going to be mad at her, he couldn't be. This was a lot to take in. He had still not been able to tell her about his potential health crisis...he wanted to find the right time. But was there a right time to do that sort of thing?

Luke chuckled as he watched her bounce in her seat, "Five more minutes."

She squealed, "It hasn't even been that long since I've seen her and it already feels like a year!"

Luke smiled, "I know."

She frowned and looked over at him, "Do you think I'm crazy? I mean crazier than usual...I'm sure you do."

Luke shook his head, "Lorelai...your relationship with Rory is special. You know I understand it. It's okay. You don't have to worry about that with me."

She sighed, "I think it will just be good to know where she's living you know? See her space. She only has a few hours to spare but I'll take it."

"Do you want me to leave you guys alone?" He asked curiously, "I don't mind. I understand if you need some space."

She frowned, "No! Rory specifically said she wants to spend time with both of us."

He smiled and felt his heart tug in his chest. He adored Rory more than he could even begin to describe. He had watched her grow into an incredible young woman. Yes she had fallen a few times, but with the help of Lorelai she was always there to get back up. Even after the little dropping out of Yale hiccup...though it took awhile, Rory figured it out.

"Well good. I'm excited to see her too." He said with a nod.

They pulled into a parking lot and Luke cut the engine. Lorelai continued to bounce in her seat. He smiled and got of the car, she followed, practically jumping up and down beside him.

Luke glanced at his watch, "She said 11:00 right?" He asked.

Lorelai nodded, "Yes. 11:00 exactly." She said glancing around, "Do you see her?"

Luke glanced around too, "Not yet. But give her a minute or two."

She huffed and bounced from toe to toe, "Think she'll look different? More sophisticated? More grown up?"

Luke shrugged, "Only been a little over a week but possibly."

She sighed, "Imagine what she'll look like after months of being apart." She grimaced and looked at Luke, suddenly feeling empathy for his separation from his own daughte,r "Luke I'm sorry, I-"

He shook his head, "It's okay."

She frowned, "I don't know how you do it."

He sighed, "It isn't easy...but I make it work. Just like you and Rory will."

She gave him a soft, hopeful smile and was about to respond when her phone rang. She squealed again when she saw her daughter's name on the cover, "Hey! Where are you? We're standing out here waiting anxiously!"

There was a slight pause, _"Mom I'm so sorry…"_

Lorelai's face fell and Luke sensed what was coming next, "You're not coming are you?"

Rory sighed, " _We got swamped here and they needed us to fly to Detroit really quick for the day. I'm so insanely sorry. I tried to get out of it but I'm the new kid and-"_

"No. No it's okay. I get it." She said turning her back to Luke, "This is the big time. Don't even worry about it hon."

She heard her daughter sigh, " _You can go see where I'm staying in Chicago if you want. I told the hotel manager and he said he'd let you in if you show your ID."_

Lorelai closed her eyes tightly, willing the tears to stay away, "Yeah...yeah maybe."

She heard the tremble in her daughter's voice, " _I really, really wanted to see you. You and Luke. God this sucks."_

Lorelai tucked her hair behind her ear, "Honey this is a big deal...you're going to be thrown into work. We can figure something out to do. Maybe we can try and meet up somewhere else if you're doing traveling. If not...then I'll see you at Christmas like we planned."

Rory whimpered, _"I still feel terrible…"_

"Don't." Lorelai said taking a deep breath, wanting to stay strong for her daughter, "Everything is fine. Go keep kicking ass, okay? I love you. And we'll talk soon."

" _I love you too Mom. Please tell Luke I'm sorry too. I'll call you tonight."_ She said quickly.

"Okay. Bye babe. Be safe." She quickly shut the phone and turned back to Luke, trying to smile.

He frowned, "Something came up?"

She nodded and stuffed the phone in her pocket, "Something happened in Detroit and they all had to go there. She won't be back today…"

Luke sighed, "Lorelai I'm sorry…"

She shook her head, "Duty calls. I get it. It's important that she sticks with her group. It's only been a week. She can't come running to Mommy so soon."

He stepped closer to her, "Doesn't make it suck any less."

She sighed and looked down, "No. I guess not. But...it is what it is." She glanced up at him, "She told me to tell you sorry as well. And I'm sorry I dragged you here for no reason."

Luke shook his head, "I've always wanted to see Chicago. It's not a waste. We can stay if you want...check out where she'll be spending most of her time. Maybe even catch a White Sox or Cubs game if you're up for it."

She smiled, "You'd cheat on your team?"

He smirked, "Once and a lifetime opportunity. I've always wanted to see Wrigley field anyway."

Lorelai swallowed hard, "We can stay? You know just in case...I mean I'm sure that she won't be back but-"

He reached out and squeezed her arm, "We can stay. Come on. Let's get you some coffee."

Lorelai sighed and fell into step beside him, "Rory loves coffee…"

"An addiction she inherited from you." He said with a smirk.

She giggled, "Well she was spoiled, she started on your coffee. Still the best out there."

Luke huffed, "Yeah okay."

She frowned and glanced over at him as they walked back to the truck, "I mean it Luke! It is the best coffee I've ever had."

He paused for a moment and looked down, "I've been making a lot less of it over the last year."

She swallowed hard and stopped in her tracks, "Yes well your best customer has been missing in action…"

Luke sighed, "You could have come in you know."

She shrugged, "It just...it didn't feel right. Plus-" She stopped talking, not wanting to bring up Christopher, she wasn't ready for that conversation quite yet especially not after missing out on time with Rory, "It just...it was too hard Luke. I'm sorry."

He nodded, "No. I get it. I do...the Diner just felt different without you. Everything felt different without you."

She smiled sadly, "I know exactly what you mean Luke."

He nodded once, "Anyway...wanna start some sight seeing?"

"After the coffee. You promised me coffee." She beamed at him.

Luke nodded and started to car, "Right. Got it. I wouldn't dare take it away once I promised it. I value my life too much."

They fell into step together, Lorelai felt sad about missing out on her daughter. But also somewhat peaceful with this man beside her...Luke's mission was to make the day as fun as possible to help her forget all about missing her kid.

* * *

An hour later, they stood in front of Cloud Gate staring up at their reflections in the metal.

"It really does look like a giant bean." Luke said glaring up at it, "I mean...someone actually just made a sculpture of a giant bean and called it art."

Lorelai laughed and sipped at her coffee, "And now they're famous for it."

Luke huffed, "I could have made this."

"You still could. Make a giant coffee bean statue and stick it by the Gazeebo." She said with a giggle, "That will attract the toursits."

"And what, name it after you?" He said with a smirk, "You're the only one that would appreciate a coffee bean statue."

She swatted his arm playfully, "Shush. And people apprecaite this particular bean statue because they can look at their reflections in it." She said making a funny face into the shiny surface.

Luke laughed, "That's attractive."

She stuck her tongue out at him, "Where's the humor in your life Lucas? You gotta live a little! Life's short!"

A lump formed in his throat as her words rung true and terrifying to him, "Lorelai I-"

"Excuse me." Lorelai said turning to someone beside her, "Would you mind taking a picture for us?"

A woman smiled and said, "Absolutley!"

Lorelai pulled Luke closer and squeezed his arm, "Smile."

He was frozen for a moment, he had almost been ready to tell her but now he was pressed up against her side, "Um…"

"Come on. Pretend like you actually tollerate me." She said with a laugh, squeezing his arm again.

Luke blushed and the woman smiled at them, "What a great looking couple you make."

He felt Lorelai tense beside her but he smiled at the womans words. She handed them their camera after she took the picture and Lorelai muttered a thank you.

Lorelai shuffled her feat and stuck the camera back in her bag, "Sorry...I didn't think-"

"It's okay." He said with a shrug, "We should take some pictures of the trip anyway. Prove we actually took it."

She looked up at him, "I watned to take some sooner but didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I just…"

"Hey…" He whispered giving her a squeeze, "It's more than okay."

She took a deep breath and looked back at the Bean, "So...now that we've seen the Bean, want to get some deep dish pizza and compare it to Al's?"

Luke chuckled, "Anything is better than Al'z pizza."

She scoffed at him, "How dare you mock dear old Al. He has nothing but wonderful things to say about you, you know."

Luke rolled his eyes, "Yes I heard he was quite happy that his profits went up again this past year."

She rolled her eyes back and nudged him, "You're the worst."

He chuckled and pointed down the street, "Come on, I saw a pizza sign this way."

She smiled at him and they began to walk together towards the pizza place they had seen before. They were seated outside on a patio overlooking the city and Lorelai looked around.

"Looks like a nice enough place for my kid to live, right?" She asked hopefuly.

Luke smiled, "She's smart Lorelai. And she won't be alone. She'll be okay."

Lorelai sighed and swirled her straw in the water in front of her, "I was just really hoping to get to see her today. Even if it's been a short time...it would be good to know that she's okay."

"I get that." Luke said with a nod, "Rory's not even my kid and I get that. I remember when she first moved to Yale...I was secretley glad I got to help out so I could scope the place out first. It was her first time away from home. Wanted to make sure she was going to be safe."

Lorelai smiled gently at him, "What did you ever end up doing with that mattress?"

Luke chuckled "Sold it to Kirk for 500 bucks."

"You did not!" She said slapping his arm playfully as he laughed, "Luke!"

He shrugged, "I had to do something with it! The dump wouldn't take it and I had no where to store it. I asked Kirk if he needed a new bed. I believe his exact words were, 'I'd like to lose my virginity to Lulu on a bed that wasn't mine as a child.'"

Lorelai squirmed, "Oh God! Luke why would you put that visual in my head!"

He smirked, "You asked!"

She sighed and put her head in her hands, "I've just gotten the image of his naked butt out of my head. Now I have the image of him doing it with Lulu on what would have been my daughter's mattress! All sorts of wrong!"

Luke smiled and looked down at the table, "Hm…"

A memory washed over both of them…

* * *

 _[Luke sits and stews on their conversation. He finally shakes head and rises. Lorelai enters.]_

 _LORELAI: Hey. The last one up?_

 _LUKE: No, not the last one._

 _LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] You okay? I heard Babette was kicking your butt at Yahtzee._

 _LUKE: Actually, I'm feeling pretty stupid right now._

 _LORELAI: Why?_

 _LUKE: I'm not a mysterious man, am I?_

 _LORELAI: Well, the wardrobe's a bit of a head scratcher._

 _LUKE: I think I've been very, very clear with my intentions -_

 _LORELAI: Your…_

 _LUKE: You know, the wedding, the movie invite, the flowers._

 _LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] Luke -_

 _LUKE: You knew what I was doing!_

 _LORELAI: Well, no, not officially._

 _LUKE: Not officially? Oh, come on. I mean, I didn't have a ref present, but other than that._

 _LORELAI: Well, you didn't say anything official._

 _LUKE: What was I supposed to say? I did things. I let my actions speak. That's what you're supposed to do. Your supposed to let your actions speak. That's the romantic way to do this, damn it._

 _LORELAI: Okay, you're right. I'm sorry._

 _LUKE: And you went along with all of it. So naturally, I assumed we were on the same page, and then your boyfriend shows up here at the inn that I invested in._

 _[Lorelai reacts]_

 _LORELAI: Whoa, what boyfriend? Are you talking about Jason?_

 _LUKE: No, Tom. Yes, Jason._

 _LORELAI: You guys were talking? What did he say?_

 _LUKE: He said you were together. I mean, I was sitting there listening to this guy spout on and on about how it's right, you're right, he's right. The whole time, I'm thinking, "What the hell have I been doing all this for? She's taken." [Storms out the front door - Lorelai follows]_

 _LORELAI: I - I'm not taken! We broke up!_

 _LUKE: Well, he doesn't know that!_

 _LORELAI: Well, just calm down!_

 _LUKE: Aw, I don't want to calm down! I did everything right! I did exactly what the book said!_

 _LORELAI: The book?!_

 _LUKE: I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy._

 _LORELAI: I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!_

 _LUKE: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!_

 _LORELAI: I loved the flowers!_

 _LUKE: And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment._

 _LORELAI: There was! There was a moment. [Luke gazes at Lorelai, then moves closer.]_

 _LORELAI: What are you doing?_

 _LUKE: Will you just stand still?_

 _[He gathers her in his arms and they kiss. Lorelai pulls away then moves back closer to Luke.]_

 _LUKE: What are you doing?_

 _LORELAI: Will you just stand still?_

 _[She holds his face as she kisses him. Luke's arms wrap around her as they kiss. She pulls away again. As they gaze at each other, Luke grasps her waist and pulls her back.]_

 _KIRK: Aaaaah! [running down stairs, buck naked with only a pillow covering himself.] Aaah! Aaaah! [runs out the door in terror into the night] Aaaaah! Aaaah!_

 _LUKE: I'll be right back. [Lorelai looks puzzled] I'll explain later. [runs after Kirk]_

 _KIRK: Aaah! Aaah!_

* * *

The memory of their first kiss haunted them both. The way it felt to finally be in each other's arms, the pounding of their hearts, the warmth of their skin. The way their lips fit perfectly together. What they wouldn't give to go back to that moment and do it all again...but better this time.

She swallowed hard, "I probably shouldn't have mentioned that…"

Luke sighed and rubbed his hands together, "Well...we said we were going to talk about things. That was a big moment for us. At least what happened before we saw his naked butt."

Lorelai bit her lip and looked down again, "A very big moment…"

He stared at her for a moment, "There are things I've always wanted to talk to you about, pertaining to that night actually. If...if you are up for it."

She took a sip of her coffee, "As long as we can keep the safe word in place, then yes."

Luke nodded, "Okay…"

She took a sip of her water, "Okay...what do you want to know?"

He took a deep breath and sat up straighter, "Did you uh...did you really not invite that Jason guy?"

Lorelai shook her head, "We had been broken up. He had called a few times but I thought I had made it very clear that I was done. Apparently he didn't get the official memo though. I was shocked when he showed up...and I didn't want to be rude. He wasn't necessarily a bad guy...we just weren't right for each other. I don't know why he said those things to you though...about him and I being together."

Luke shrugged, "Maybe he sensed something between us…"

Lorelai nodded, "Maybe." The waitress came back and put the pizza down between them, "Thank you." She whispered before taking her napkin and utensils, "What else do you want to know?"

Luke sighed, "Were you...were you upset that I kissed you?"

Her cheeks burned red and she smiled, "Upset?" She shook her head and reached for a slice of pizza, "No. Surprised maybe...though looking back on it I guess I shouldn't have been. It was sort of...a long time coming. But selfishly I'm not sure I was totally ready until the second it happened."

"Why?" He asked as he took his own pizza, "You don't have to answer if you don't want too…"

She sighed and put her pizza down, she brushed her hands off on her napkin and shrugged, "Because I was scared Luke. It was a big deal."

He watched her, trying to read her expression, "Because it was us?"

She nodded, "Because it was us. It wasn't just me kissing some guy...it was me kissing you. For 8 years you had been this constant figure in my life. Even when we were fighting that summer...I knew deep down you were there. I've never had very many people in my life who I could trust totally. Who I believed in...there was really only Rory, Sookie and you. And so to take that step...to allow that to happen was absolutely terrifying to me."

He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry."

She shook her head and reached across the table for his hand, "No. God no, don't apologize Luke that moment was…" She shivered slightly and pulled back her hand as the rush of emotions startled her, "It was the best kiss I'd ever had."

He felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest, "Me too."

"I wanted it to happen...it was just the what happens next part that scared me." She said with a frown as she looked down, "And even though it was good for awhile...it still came with a lot of repercussions. I mean look where we are now."

He sighed and picked a pepperoni off his pizza, "I guess you're right."

She broke off a piece of her crust and popped it in her mouth, "I don't regret it though." He gave her a hopeful look, "I regret how I've hurt you...but I don't regret taking that step. What we had…" She let out a shaky breath and tried to blink back the tears, "It was the first time in my life that I was truly, unconditionally happy Luke. And I want you to know that it meant everything to me."

His eyes locked with hers, "Lorelai-"

She took another deep breath, "Coffee."

He sighed, "Lorelai…"

She cringed, "I'm sorry…I'm just a little...or a lot…" She fanned herself in the warm Chicago air, "A lot overwhelmed all of a sudden."

He sighed and looked down, "Can I just...can I ask one more question? One that's always bothered me since then."

She fidgeted in her seat a little, "Luke…"

"Please?" He asked softly, "Then we can change the subject. I promise."

She took a deep breath and lifted the piece of pizza up to her lips, "Okay. One more."

He nodded, "When you came back...when Kirk was…" He sighed, "Were you upset with me?"

She frowned and looked down, "With you? No...no it had nothing to do with you." He gave her a look, "It was...complicated Luke. And I'm not sure I can tell you why."

He narrowed his eyes at her "It had something to do with Rory and Dean didn't it?"

Her mouth hung open for a moment, "How did you-"

He shrugged, "Just little signs I guess...things I heard later on. And when I got back from Maine they were together."

She sighed and looked down, cringing, "Please don't think less of her Luke. She made a mistake...she's only human."

Luke shook his head, "I don't. We all make mistakes Lorelai. Shit happens. I mean look at you and me…" She smiled sadly at him, "Rory is still a great girl. I don't judge her."

She nodded slowly, "Well good. Because she would be horrified if she knew you knew…"

Luke shook his head, "She never has to know I know. I think I knew the answer anyway. I just...I was always self consciously wondering if I had done something wrong."

She smiled sadly at him, "Well then that's my fault. No Luke...you were great. You were the one thinking keeping me together if I'm being honest. It was a crazy night...I was opening the Inn which was terrifying itself. My parents were all of a sudden separated but they wouldn't admit it until the middle of the night. Jason showed up...Rory and Dean…" She smiled softly, "And my best friend finally crossed the line and kissed me. A lot going on in my head. And you of all people know that my head is a scary mixed up place to be on a normal day. That night it damn near snapped off my neck."

Luke chuckled, "Understandable. That is a lot. I wish I had known though...I would have tried to help."

She smiled, "I know you would have, because you're Luke."

He frowned and looked down, "Yeah well I think I lost that Luke for a while there…last year I wasn't-"

She sighed, "Not today Luke. Just...not today, okay? One thing at a time...remember?"

He saw the pleading look in her eye and knew that she needed a break. He hated to see her look so broken and afraid. It wasn't the Lorelai he had come to know over the years. It killed him when he thought about how he had played a part in the changes that had taken place over the last few years. He wondered how his news would change her too…

He had been so close to telling her when they were in front of the Bean. It felt right. But then Lorelai cut him off and the moment was lost. Now...now she was emotional and upset and once again he didn't feel right saying it. But how long could he wait? And how would she react when she did find out?

He sighed and nodded his head, "One thing at a time. You're right. I'm sorry."

She smiled and shook her head, "It's okay. I'll forgive you if you let me order a second pizza because this one is going to be gone soon."

He chuckled and felt himself relax, he loved the way she could ease back into teasing banter mode so easily, "You got it."

"And this time…" She said picking off some vegetables, "No gross slimy things."

Luke rolled his eyes, "You're insufferable."

She beamed and shrugged her shoulders, "Take me as a I am babe."

He smiled as she took a large bite of her pizza, thinking he wouldn't want her any other way. He loved everything about her. Even her faults. She was and always would be the woman for him. He wished she had understood that before...he just hoped that someday he could make it all up to her. And hoped that it wasn't too late…

* * *

Later that afternoon, they were wandering around Chicago seeing the sights. Luke was trying to find last minute tickets to a cubs game when Lorelai's phone rang.

"Hello?" Lorelai said into the phone.

" _Hi!"_ Sookie practically squealed into the phone, " _Are you with Rory? How is she? Is her life fabulous? Has she forgotten about us?"_

Lorelai smiled hearing her best friend's voice, "Hey Sook. No...sadly work got in the way and Rory isn't in Chicago after all."

 _"Oh no!"_ Sookie said with a gasp, " _How are you holding up? Are you okay?"_

Lorelai sighed and turned to her left where she saw Luke talking to what she assumed was a scalper to try and get tickets, she laughed at the sight, "I was upset...but it's been a good day."

Sookie took a deep breath, " _You and Luke do it yet?"_

Lorelai rolled her eyes, "Sookie...I told you before I left it's not even like that."

 _"Oh please! It's always been like that between you two!"_ Sookie said, " _For eight years we all watched and waited to see when the two of you would give in and have at it in the Diner._

Lorelai laughed, "Sookie! Come on! We weren't that bad!"

" _You were. And everyone in town will back me up too. I mean...you can't tell me that nothing is happening. You don't just drop everything and go cross country with your ex, the absolute love of your life and think that you can just remain friends."_ Sookie said.

Lorelai bit her lip and glanced over at Luke again, "Sookie I don't know. I mean I know it was all crazy. I still can't believe I'm actually here. I don't know what he wants...what he's thinking. We're talking...about a lot of different things. He seems willing to open up but I just…"

 _"You just what honey?"_ Sookie asked, encouraging her to keep talking.

Lorelai looked down and kicked at the ground, "I just don't know what he wants out of this."

There was a pause on the other end of the phone, " _I really think he still loves you honey. A man like Luke doesn't just forget about the love of his life like that."_

Lorelai cringed, "You keep throwing that love of your life line around."

 _"Because it's the truth! And you know it. Tell me that there's been a more important man in your life than Luke."_ She said with a sigh, " _Yes you two hurt each other, but the extent of that pain tells you how important what you two have is_."

She felt her heart beating in her chest, "Sook you and I both know I can't shake him...I never will. But after what I did...who I did it with." She felt the tears burn in her eyes, "I'm not sure he could ever forgive me for something so terrible."

 _"You can't beat yourself up forever."_ Sookie whispered, " _You made a mistake. You were hurt and you did something stupid. We all have."_

Lorelai sighed and glanced over at him again, "Maybe…" She said him finishing up with the man, "He looks like he's coming back over to me."

 _"Okay. Well I just wanted to check in. I'm sorry that you didn't get to see Rory but hopefully you still have a good day. I'm sure that Luke will keep you preoccupied."_ She smiled.

Lorelai gave him a wave as he looked for her, "He's been great…"

 _"Good. Now I know you're scared but try and stay open to the possibilities...okay?"_ Sookie asked hopefully.

"I will." Lorelai said softly, "I'll call you in a few days."

 _"I love you hon. Have fun. Tell Luke I said hi."_ Sookie said.

"Love you too Sook. Kiss Martha and Davey for me. Bye." She hung up the phone just as Luke walked up to her.

Luke smiled, "Was that Rory again?"

Lorelai shook her head, "No. Sookie checking in. She says hi."

Luke's face flushed a little, "Oh that's nice." He rubbed the back of his neck, "Um...what does she think about you coming on this trip?"

Lorelai smiled, "She didn't say much other than squeal out of excitement. I think that tells you everything you need to know."

Luke laughed and looked down, "Oh…"

"Michel however was not amused." She said with a laugh, "He demanded a pay raise."

Luke nodded, "Sounds about right. Can't say I've missed him."

"The feeling is mutual I'm sure." She teased, he chuckled, "So...did you get tickets?"

Luke nodded and held up two tickets, "Can't tell you if they're real and I'm pretty sure my heart almost burst out of my chest when dealing with the guy but...we'll give it a shot."

She giggled, "Yeah...getting tickets from a scalper isn't really a daily occurrence for you. But there's a first time for everything."

Luke shrugged, "I suppose so. Well...we need to head to Gate B which is that way. You ready?"

Lorelai nodded, "Take me out to the ballgame dude!"

Luke rolled his eyes, "I may live to regret this."

She laughed and started to skip down the road, "Yes you absolutely will!"

He smiled after her and wondered how he had gotten through the last year without her…

The tickets happened to be real and Luke and Lorelai were escorted to their seats. They were high up but Lorelai was excited as she took in the view around her.

"Wow." Lorelai said with a smile, "This is great."

Luke smiled, "It ain't Fenway but it's still pretty cool. My Dad always wanted to take a trip out to this stadium."

Lorelai smiled and reached for the bag at her feet, "Feel like you're cheating on your team?"

Luke sighed and looked around, "A little…"

"Then I suppose you won't want to wear this cap I bought." She said holding out a Cubs hat for him.

Luke scoffed at her, "Hell no! I'm not putting that on my head!"

A few people gave them weird glances and Lorelai laughed, "Calm down Luke. It's for me."

Luke sighed, "Lorelai don't-"

She plopped the hat on her head, "Oh stop. You can handle me wearing it!" He chuckled, "Besides...you only look good with the blue hat." Her face flushed and she looked away.

He cleared his throat, "Weren't a fan of the black one?"

She took a deep breath and shook her head, reaching for a twizzler in her bag, "Um...no. It didn't suit you."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, "You know I didn't wear it to try and hurt you…"

She turned to him, "Luke you don't have to explain. I get it."

Luke shook his head, "I...I want to explain it. Do you remember the day that you gave me that hat?"

She smiled softly, "Of course I do…"

* * *

 _CUT TO LUKE'S_

 _LORELAI: Hello._

 _LUKE: Hey, how's your dad?_

 _LORELAI: Better, though he says that life is not life unless it includes a steak. How come you're not out with everybody?_

 _LUKE: I had some things to do._

 _LORELAI: Right, anyways, this is for you. [giving him a bag]_

 _LUKE: What's it for?_

 _LORELAI: Just thank you, Christmas, whatever._

 _LUKE: Christmas isn't for two weeks._

 _LORELAI: Do we really have to do this again? [he opens the present. It's a baseball hat] I just thought, you know, God forbid something happens to that one, you might need a spare. Here [put it on forwards] Does that look wrong. [puts in on backwards] There! Oh hey turn out the lights [going to the window]_

 _LUKE: For what? It's not the real procession, it's just the rehearsal._

 _LORELAI: So, it's pretty._

 _LUKE: And why do they need to rehearse it? It's the same thing every year._

 _LORELAI: Come on Luke, please. [he turns out the lights and joins her by the window] It's hard to imagine living somewhere else isn't it?_

 _LUKE: Thanks for the hat._

 _LORELAI: You're welcome. Looks good on you._

 _LUKE: Good how?_

 _LORELAI: Just watch the procession.  
_

* * *

Luke smiled softly, "I knew then Lorelai...what I felt for you. I never wore a different hat after that. I washed it...took care of it. I wanted to keep it in mint condition. It was something from you."

She frowned, "It was just a hat Luke…"

He shrugged, "But it meant something to me. And after we…" He sighed and shook his head, "It was just a giant reminder of what we had lost. It was too painful."

She smiled, "But you didn't throw it out…"

Luke smiled and shook his head, "I couldn't. I stashed it away in the farthest corner of my closet but I didn't get rid of it."

"I swear I almost fainted when I saw you wearing it." She said with a little laugh.

Luke smiled, "You were giving me a funny look…"

* * *

 _LORELAI: Hey._

 _LUKE: Hey._

 _[Lorelai notices Luke is wearing the blue caps she gave him 6 years ago and is confused and a little stunned.]_

 _LUKE: Okay here you go, ladies. More hot water for you, Miss Patty, and for you, Babette, a bowl of shredded wheat._

 _BABETTE: It's for my throat. Gives it a rougher quality, a husky sound sort of like Debbie Harry meets Ethel Merman!_

 _[Lorelai is still staring at the cap.]_

 _LUKE: What?_

 _LORELAI: What?_

 _LUKE: What?_

 _LORELAI: Nothing._

 _LUKE: Okay._

 _LORELAI: I'm just getting some coffee._

 _LUKE: To go?_

 _LORELAI: Yep._

 _LUKE: Coming right up.  
_

* * *

She blushed, "I was just...so surprised to see it back on your head. I don't know why...but it just felt like something had shifted. Nothing bad or good...just something. Does that make sense?"

Luke smiled, "Yeah. I get it. And in a way it had...I was ready to let you back in again."

She bit her lip and stared at him, "Luke…" He stared at her hopefully and she sighed, chickening out on asking him what he wanted, "Tell me a story about your Dad."

He was surprised by her words, "My-my Dad?"

She nodded, "Did you go to a lot of games with him as a kid?"

He was startled by the change in subject but knew better than to try and push her. Especially today. "He tried to take us to at least one or two a summer. It was always a big production. Packing us all up and heading to Boston. Liz always whined and cried. Mom would end up walking her around the park. I stayed with Dad...fixated on the game."

Lorelai smiled, "Must have been a nice hobby to share with him."

Luke swallowed the lump in his throat as he thought of his Father, "It was. Sometimes...when I was having a bad day we'd just toss the ball around in the backyard. We did it a lot after Mom died...we didn't talk really. Just stood out there for hours tossing the ball. Probably sounds silly but it was comforting somehow. It was so familiar."

Lorelai shook her head, "It doesn't sound silly. It's nice Luke. You clearly had a really good relationship with him. I wish I could have seen that."

Luke smiled, "He would have loved you. Mom too."

She took a deep breath, "Tell me a story Luke…"

He turned to look out at the field and sighed, "A story...hm…" He thought for a moment and then smiled, "One summer...I must have been about 6 we went...I was determined to catch a foul ball. We sat right by the Pesky pool to up my chances. I could barely concentrate on the actual game...I was just sitting there keeping an out for a stray ball. But no ball ever game my way...at least not until the 9th inning." He chuckled, "I was sitting there, someone yelled foul ball, I looked out and it came zooming towards me. This was it...this was my moment. But instead of holding my arms out, I ducked out of fear and it soared over my head and the kid behind me caught it."

"Oh no!" She said with a sad little laugh, "Oh poor little Luke…"

He smiled and shook his head, "I was devastated. I could have gotten it. But I panicked. I remember I wanted to cry...I was so upset. But I was too embarrassed. I looked over and my Dad knew that I was upset. He just smiled and patted my back and said I'd get it next time." He shrugged, "I sucked it up and sat through the rest of the game. But Dad knew it was still killing me...so afterwards he somehow snuck us out back and I got to get autographs from all the players. It was incredible."

Lorelai smiled, "What a good Dad."

He sighed and looked down, "The best...I think I was shell shocked. I just sat there as all the players signed this notepad. I could hear the chuckling behind me...but he was happy. We got huge ice cream sundaes on the way home too. Probably one of my best days with him."

Lorelai smiled, "That's really sweet Luke."

He smiled and looked up at her, "I haven't thought about that in years."

She reached her hand out and touched his arm, "It's okay to think about it. To feel those emotions Luke...I know that it's hard. But sometimes you have too."

He frowned, "I miss him. Everyday…"

She nodded, "I know you do. And that's okay."

"Foul Ball!" Someone screamed from behind them.

Luke and Lorelai looked up just in time and Lorelai gasped, she ducked her head into Luke's shoulders and heard a light thump against what she assumed was skin. When she opened her eyes, she looked down and saw that Luke had caught the ball. Their eyes locked for a moment, both feeling surprised, but a slow smile spread on her lips.

"Looks like you finally caught the ball." She said softly.

Luked looked down at his hand and smiled, "Guess I did…"

She gave his arm a squeeze and cheered along with everyone else beside him after the great catch. He blushed and shook his head with a little smile, how did she possibly make everything so much better?

* * *

That night, they checked into a hotel. Still two separate rooms, Lorelai yawned as they walked down the hall towards their rooms. Luke walked her to her room and she turned towards him, smiling softly.

"Luke…" She sighed, "Thank you for today."

He frowned, "What did I do?"

She smiled at him, "I tried to keep it together but honestly...I was devastated when Rory called to tell me she couldn't meet us. I wasn't sure I even wanted to stay…" She laughed, "Hell half of me was just ready to go home."

He frowned, "Lorelai…"

"But today ended up being great. And that's all thanks to you." She whispered, "You made today amazing for me."

He took a deep breath, "I just like to see you happy…"

Her heart swelled in her chest, that was exactly what he had said to her the night of the party, "Well...thank you."

"Lorelai?" He asked shifting from foot to foot, "Can I ask you one more question tonight?"

She swallowed hard, curious as to what he wanted to know now, "Sure."

He took a deep breath, "It's kind of...kind of a a big one so you can say no if it's too much when I ask it."

She felt her heart beating faster in her chest as his words registered with her, "O-Okay...what is it?"

He stared at her for a moment, "All this talk of Rory...of different things I just…" He shrugged, "Why did you ask me to marry you that night Lorelai?" He saw her face flush, "You were so upset about Rory. Everything was falling apart and you just...you asked. I was so caught up in the moment that I said yes. But I've always wondered if it was what you wanted. Or if I should have said no...just to get you to think things through."

Tears prickled in the back of her eyes and it killed her to think that he was unsure of how she really felt. Wondering if she had only asked him to marry her to feel better. He didn't know. He truly didn't know how much she had loved him. How much she still loved him…

* * *

 _LUKE'S DINER_

 _[Luke wipes the counter. Lorelai enters.]_

 _LORELAI [quietly]: Rory dropped out of Yale._

 _LUKE: What?_

 _LORELAI: She dropped out of Yale and she moved in with my parents, who I went to for help, and they stabbed me in the back. Everything we worked for. All these years. Her whole future. She was supposed to have more than me. She was supposed to have everything. That was the plan. We had a plan._

 _LUKE: Okay, I'm sorry. I have to jump in here. Uh, I know you think you have this thing handled, but I can help. First off, we call Yale and we tell them something like, uh, Rory had a chemical imbalance and she was mentally out of her mind when she told them she was dropping out. And then we get her out of your parents house whatever way we can. We lock her up in her room with you, because you can talk anybody into anything. And if worse comes to worst, we will drive her to school every day and we will follow her to class and camp out there to make sure she goes. I'll take morning classes, you take afternoon classes, or the other way around, if it works out better for your schedule. And I know there's a few kinks to work out, the kidnapping thing might be a little problematic but either way, she is not quitting school. This was her dream. I am not going to let this happen._

 _[He takes a deep breath. Lorelai is gazing at him.]_

 _LUKE: What?_

 _LORELAI: Luke, will you marry me?_

 _LUKE: What?  
_

* * *

She took a deep breath and turned to open the door to her room, she smiled and leaned against the doorframe as she stared at him, "Because."

He frowned and shook his head, "Because? That's...that's not really an answer."

She smiled at him, "You were right Luke. I was devastated. Everything was falling apart. Rory was slipping away from me and I was terrified. I wasn't sure of anything in that moment...but then…"

Her voice trailed off and he was pretty sure his heart was going to pound right of his chest, 'But then what?"

She beamed up at him, "You were standing there telling me you'd kidnap my daughter. Force her to go back to school...you'd drop everything for her. And amongst all the madness you were the one thing that made sense. The one good thing...the one real thing that I knew would always keep me grounded. And so I just...I asked. I had too. I had to have you Luke. I had to know that even if everything else in my life fell apart...I'd still have you. Always."

He swallowed the lump in his throat, "Lorelai…"

She sighed, "Maybe the timing wasn't great. I see that now...and I'm sorry if you ever doubted how I truly felt but I asked because I wanted it to be forever."

He smiled at her, "Lorelai…"

She shook her head, "Man...you sure are getting me to think about a lot of things." She sighed and looked down, "I'm exhausted."

He swallowed hard again, "I'm sorry."

She smiled and shook her head again, "It's okay. It's good Luke...I think we both need to really talk about this. All of this...even if it's hard. It's good."

He took a deep breath and nodded, "Okay."

"So…" She whispered squeezing the door frame, fighting the urge to ask him to come in, "I'll uh...I'll see you in the morning?"

Luke felt a pang of sadness wash over him, half wishing he could retreat to her room with her and hid forever, "Uh yeah...in the morning."

She smiled and held out her hand, "Don't forget this."

He smiled and looked down at the ball in her hand, "You should keep it."

Lorelai shook her head, "Oh no. You've been waiting a long time for this. This one belongs to you."

The irony of her words hit him like a ton of bricks. He had waited all these years to catch a ball. But he had also waited a long time to be with her...if he could choose the ball or her he'd definitely pick her. But he wasn't sure she was quite ready for that yet...not to mention the complications facing them now.

He reached his hand out and took the ball from her, "Thank you."

She shook her head, "No. Thank you. Today was wonderful." She stepped back and gave him a hopeful smile, "Goodnight Luke."

He smiled back, "Goodnight Lorelai."

She slowly shut the door behind her and retreated back to her own room. Luke walked to the room beside hers and let himself in. He threw his bag down on the bed and sat down on the end of it. Lifting the ball in his hands, he rolled it around and sighed, "What am I going to do Dad?"

He sure wished now more than ever his Dad was there to talk him through this one…

* * *

 **There you have it! I will update as soon I can! I promise! :) Thanks again!**


	5. Part 4

**I seriously love you guys! Having a great time writing this story. Lots more to come. Stay with me! Don't give up! :)**

* * *

Four days later they were in Sioux Falls South Dakota overlooking the falls. They had gotten closer during the last few days. Lorelai felt a shift, felt herself opening up more to him. Allowing herself to flirt a little, fill their usual banter. It felt right. She wasn't sure what to expect...she just hoped it was all going to be good from here.

Luke felt the shift too. But he also felt a weight sitting on his chest. He knew he had to tell her, but the closer they got the more afraid he seemed to become. He wished more than anything he could make it all go away. But he knew even when they got back to Stars Hollow...reality would set in. He wished they could just keep driving forever…

Lorelai breathed in the air and smiled, "Wow it's really beautiful here."

Luke nodded, "This area as big on my Dad's list."

She turned to him and smiled, "Maybe this is where we should do our camping. Out near some of these canyons and such."

Luke smiled gently at her, "You're really sure you want to camp?"

She smiled and cocked her head to the side, "I told you Luke. I want to do this as close to the way your Dad wanted it. I think I can handle a few nights in a tent. Especially if you supply me with alcohol."

Luke chuckled, "Noted."

She nodded, "Good." Her phone began to ring in her pocket, "I'll be right back."

Luke looked out at the falls and took another deep breath. Something about the open air calmed him. He chuckled when he thought about seeing Lorelai attempting to camp. But he also wouldn't mind sharing a tent up close and personal with her…

He sighed and shook the thought from his mind. He couldn't jump that far ahead just yet. He needed to tell her his truth before he even let that thought become a possibility. He was so consumed in his thoughts, he didn't see the person walking up to him at first. "Luke?"

He snapped out of his daze and looked to his right. His mouth fell open as the face registered in his mind, "Rachel?"

She smiled widely at him, "Well I'll be damned. You left the Hollow."

Luke chuckled gently, "Uh...not permanently. But yes."

She put her arms out, "Well...can I hug you?"

Luke smiled, "Of course." He leaned forward and enveloped her in his arms, "What are the chances?"

Rachel pulled back and smiled, "I have no idea. Never expected to see you here." She nudged him, "What are you doing here anyway?"

He sighed and shrugged his shoulders, "Impromptu summer road trip."

Rachel raised an eyebrow at him, "You don't do impromptu things Luke."

He smirked, "It's been awhile since you've seen me Rachel. Maybe things changed." She gave him another look, "Okay they haven't changed that much...but it just happened."

Rachel nodded, "Hey wait...weren't you always supposed to go on a trip like this with your Dad?"

He smiled, "Yeah. Actually that's kind of what this is." He blushed, "I mean obviously he's not here but…"

Rachel smiled sadly at him, "Well then who are you here with?"

He took a deep breath, "Funny you should ask…"

* * *

A few feet away, Lorelai had the phone pressed to her ear, "Hello?"

 _"You're wearing my favorite Bangle's t-shirt right now. I thought I told you that you couldn't wear that."_ Rory's voice said through the speaker.

Lorelai looked down at the very shirt that Rory was talking about, "How did you-"

 _"Look up."_ Rory said with a little laugh.

Lorelai's head snapped up and she squealed, "Rory!"

Rory closed her phone and dashed towards her Mom, "Surprise!"

Lorelai wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter, "What are you doing here?"

Rory pulled away, "We got a surprise 48 hour little break. You said this was your next stop so I got on the next flight."

Tears formed in Lorelai's eyes, "I can't believe you're really here." She stepped back and looked her daughter up and down, "Look at you! You look different."

Rory rolled her eyes, "Mom we haven't been apart that long...I so do not look different."

"It's been years and yes you do." Lorelai said giving her a little swat, "And don't argue with Mommy."

Rory smiled gently at her, "You look great Mom." She shrugged, "You look happy."

Lorelai bit her lip gently, "I do?"

Rory nodded and leaned up to push back her Mother's hair, "You look like Luke's back in your life."

Lorelai blushed, "Well...technically he is. I'm not totally sure I know what is happening...but something's different."

"Well that's good." Rory said with a nod, "Where is he anyway?

Lorelai turned, "I left him over-" She paused when she saw him standing next to someone, someone who looked strangely familiar, "Is that-?"

"Lorelai!" Rachel said lifting her hand to wave enthusiastically.

"Rachel?" Rory whispered as Luke and Rachel walked over to them.

Luke smiled sheepishly, "Look who I found." He said then paused pointed, "And you found-"

Rory laughed and held her arms out wide, "Surprise!"

"Surprise indeed!" Lorelai said walking over towards Rachel as Luke and her daughter hugged, "What are you doing here?"

Rachel lifted her camera, "Working on a new project here."

Lorelai nodded, "Wow. What the hell are the chances of that?" She laughed slightly, yet she couldn't shake an odd feeling of guilt that took over her gut.

Rachel shook her head, "I know! I mean I was saying to Luke I never thought I'd see him out of the Hollow. And look how far you managed to drag him."

Lorelai shook her head, "Weirdly this time around it was him who did the dragging. I'm just along for the ride really."

Rachel smiled at her, then heard her name, she turned and smiled, "Over here!"

A tall man with dirty blonde curls and a beard stepped up to them with a camera around his own ned, "Hey." He said.

Rachel smiled, "Guys this is my boyfriend Adrian. Adrian these are some old friends of mine."

Adrian smiled at them, then looked at Luke, "I feel like I recognize this one."

Rachel blushed, "You've seen pictures of him. This is Luke. Luke Danes."

Adrian nodded, "Ah yes...the infamous Luke Danes." He stuck his hand out to him, "The old boyfriend meets the new one." He chuckled, "Though I suppose I'm not really new."

Luke smiled, "Nice to meet you Adrian."

Lorelai smiled, "Have you been together a long time?"

Rachel laughed, "Funnily enough I met Adrian a week after I left Stars Hollow last...we've been together ever since."

"Wow." Lorelai said with a smile, feeling somewhat relieved by this news "That's great."

Rachel looked between the two of them, "And what about you two-"

"Oh no." Lorelai said quicker than she meant to, her face flushed instantly red, "We're just...we're not…" She looked down, "Um…"

Luke cleared his throat and gave Rachel a look which she seemed to understand, "Uh...this is Lorelai Gilmore and her daughter Rory." He said to Adrian.

Adrian seemed to understand as well that there was some sort of awkward tension in the air and was glad to help ease it, "It's nice to meet you both. What brings you out to South Dakota?"

Luke nodded, "Well...Lorelai and I are on a road trip." He turned to Rory, "And Rory here decided to surprise us I guess."

Rory smiled, "I just started working for the Obama campaign. I was supposed to meet them in Chicago but got tied up with work. Got a little time off and thought I'd come crash their party."

"Wow the Obama campaign?" Rachel asked, "Rory that's great! I've heard great things about him. I'll have to follow more closely now that I know you're involved with him."

Rory smiled, "I've only been there for a few weeks but so far it's been great. But hard to be away from home."

Rachel smiled, "Away from your Mom."

Rory smiled at Lorelai, "Exactly."

Adrian smiled, "Well I don't know about you guys...but we've been up since before sunrise and I'm starving. Anyone wanna grab a bite to eat? There's a great Diner down the road."

"Diner you say?" Rory teased, "It has high standards it has to meet."

Luke rolled his eyes, "Please, I'm sure in the last two weeks you've had way better food than mine."

Rory shook her head and patted Luke's shoulder, "No one has been able to beat your coffee, boysenberry pie or pancakes yet."

Luke chuckled, "Good to know you have a reason to come visit me still."

She smirked, "I have many reasons. Those are just added perks."

"I'll agree with Rory about the coffee part." Rachel said, "I've been all over the world and yours is still the best by far."

That jealousy rung through Lorelai again, "It is pretty damn good."

Rachel noted the way that Lorelai's cheeks flushed when she talked and she was curious to know just what was going on between these two. Was it possible that after she had left that Luke had not made a move? She had told him not to wait to long to tell her how he felt. But Luke...as sweet as he was, was always a little slow about things. She knew that first hand.

Had he waited all these years to say something? Is that what this trip was about?

"So…" Rory whispered, hoping to cut the tension a bit, "We heading to the Diner?"

"Let's go." Adrian said with a smile, "We're parked over there. Follow us?"

Luke nodded, "Sure. Riding with us Rory?"

Rory nodded, "Like Mom's going to let me leave her side for the next 24 hours…"

Lorelai laughed and pulled her daughter close, "As long as you know it…"

They all laughed and parted to go towards their respective vehicles. Lorelai climbed into the truck and sat between her daughter and Luke. The close proximity to him send a shiver up and down her spine. She gave him a little smile which he returned.

"So Rachel huh?" She asked softly, "Crazy to be running into her here."

Luke turned the key in the ignition, "I know. Never saw it coming."

She felt Rory touch her leg reassuringly, "Did you ever talk to her again after she left last time?"

Luke shook his head, "Strangely no. We used to keep in touch before that...but that time felt more permanent."

Lorelai swallowed hard, "Oh. Why's that?"

He opened his mouth to speak but a memory washed over him and he sighed.

* * *

 _CUT TO LUKE'S DINER_

 _(Luke walks in the diner. Rachel is behind the counter.)_

 _RACHEL: Oh, you're back._

 _LUKE: Yeah, nothing much pressing at the town meeting._

 _RACHEL: Okay. Well, the bread shipment's all put away, and I sent Caesar home since it was pretty dead._

 _LUKE: Good. Good call._

 _RACHEL: Thanks._

 _(Rachel picks up her luggage and walks out from behind the counter.)_

 _LUKE: So you're leaving huh?_

 _RACHEL: Yeah._

 _LUKE: Were you even gonna tell me?_

 _RACHEL: I was waiting for you to get back so I could say goodbye._

 _LUKE: Yeah, you at least always do that. So go._

 _RACHEL: Don't you even want to know why?_

 _LUKE: I know why._

 _RACHEL: I don't think you do._

 _LUKE: It's just like all the other times Rachel. You're the anywhere but here girl, you're restless, you're bored, it is what it is._

 _RACHEL: That's not it._

 _LUKE: Then what is it? Is there another guy?_

 _RACHEL: No._

 _LUKE: Then what?_

 _RACHEL: It's another girl._

 _LUKE: What? You telling me you're. . ._

 _RACHEL: The other girl isn't for me Luke, it's for you._

 _LUKE: Okay. Now that's crazy._

 _RACHEL: Yeah?_

 _LUKE: Yeah._

 _RACHEL: No._

 _LUKE: You feel you need a different excuse this time to mix things up a little, fine. But you are not leaving because of me._

 _RACHEL: I'm sure you tried Luke. But admit it, you're heart wasn't in it._

 _LUKE: My heart was in it. I was here, I didn't leave. . . .I don't get this._

 _RACHEL: Luke._

 _LUKE: And what are you talking about, another girl. What other girl? (Rachel stares at him) Oh Rachel, no, you don't mean. . . She and I are just friends. I told you that a thousand times._

 _RACHEL: No. You told it to me once. And you could barely get it out then._

 _LUKE: Okay, this is crazy. You've got it wrong here. It's not. . .She and I are. . .uh. . ._

 _RACHEL: I'm gonna go. I'll miss you (she hugs him goodbye) Stay in touch._

 _LUKE: Rachel, come on._

 _(Rachel walks to the door and stops. She turns around to look at Luke.)_

 _RACHEL: So don't wait too long okay._

 _LUKE: To what?_

 _RACHEL: To tell her. (Rachel leaves.)_

* * *

 __He frowned and shook his head, "I...I'm not sure."

Lorelai nodded slowly and smiled, "Oh."

Rory pointed towards the moving car in front of them, "He's heading that way."

Luke cleared his throat and followed her direction, "On it."

As they drove, Lorelai looked over at her daughter who gave her a gentle smile. She could sense her Mother's anxiety...but she wished she could understand as well as everyone else did that the only woman Luke Danes wanted was Lorelai Gilmore…

As they sat around the table at the Diner and devoured their food, Rachel and Adrian had them laughing with tales of their many worldly adventures over the years.

Rory smiled, "Wow. You've done so much traveling. I'm jealous."

Rachel smiled and lifted her drink to her lips, "Well with this new gig of yours, I'm sure you'll see the world."

Rory shrugged, "If they let me stick around."

Luke rolled his eyes, "Oh come on Rory. They're lucky to have you. Give it a few more weeks to show them what you really got and you'll be on fire."

Rory blushed, "Still feels weird being away from home."

Lorelai beamed at her, "You can always come home to visit hon."

Rory smiled and felt her phone ring, she looked down, "Oh I should get this. Do you mind?"

Lorelai shook her head, "Not unless they are telling you to come back already. I'm not done with you."

Rory laughed and scooted out of the booth to go talk on her phone. Adrian tossed down his napkin, "I'm gonna head to the restroom real quick."

When it was just Rachel, Luke and Lorelai, Lorelai ducked her head and dipped a fry in ketchup, "So…" Rachel said softly, "I feel like all I've done is talk about myself. Tell me about you guys. What's new?"

Lorelai glanced up and saw Rory waving a hand to her, "Um...I think Rory wants me."

All eyes turned to Rory, "Go ahead." Luke said with a nod.

Lorelai smiled nervously and left Rachel and Luke alone, causing an unpleasant pit to form in her stomach. Rachel looked over at Luke when Lorelai left, "So...what the hell is going on Luke?"

He sighed and pushed his plate towards the middle of the table, "Rachel…"

"I thought for sure after I left you'd sweep her off her feet. I figured by now you'd be married and have kids and all that." She said with a huff.

Luke grimaced and looked down, "Life doesn't always go according to plan Rachel."

She frowned sadly, "Please don't tell me you've been alone all these years Luke. That will absolutely break my heart."

He frowned, "No...I haven't been. And we...Lorelai and I we were together."

Rachel raised a curious eyebrow, "Were?"

He sighed, "It's uh...all pretty complicated."

Rachel frowned, "So...right now...what's happening between you two?"

He looked out the window and saw Rory and Lorelai talking about something together, "Honestly? I have no idea...this whole trip was kind of a whim thing."

She frowned at him again, "You don't do whim things."

He huffed, "Yeah well...things change. Life happens."

Just then Adrian walked over to the table, "Hey, Bill just called. He was able to get that shoot lined up for me today after all. Will you kill me if I take off?"

Rachel looked up, "Oh no. Of course not. You've been waiting weeks to do that. Do you want me to come with you?"

Adrian shook his head, "Nah. You stay here. Catch up with old friends." He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips, "Just make sure you come home later." He teased.

She laughed, "Have fun."

Adrian turned and held his hand out for Luke, "It was nice to meet you Luke. If I ever get this one to take me back to her hometown, I hope we can meet up again."

Luke smiled, "Diner's always open."

Adrian nodded, "Tell Lorelai and Rory I said bye?"

"We will." Rachel said with a smile, "Bye babe."

He gave her a quick smile and then exited the Diner leaving the old lovers alone. Luke glanced at her, "So you two have been together all this time but never got married?"

Rachel smiled, "We just decided it wasn't necessary. We didn't need it. Neither of us wanted kids either and we've been so busy having fun traveling the world. What we have works. I love him and he loves me. We're happy."

Luke nodded, "That's great Rachel. I'm glad you found happiness."

Rachel sighed and leaned her elbows on the table, "Luke...I can see it in your eyes. You do love her. I was right then...and I'm right now. So what the hell happened?"

Just then Lorelai and Rory dashed into the Diner again, "Will you absolutely kill me if I steal Mom for the rest of the day?" Rory asked.

Luke's mouth hung open for a moment, "Uh...no? But is everything okay?"

Rory nodded, "Yes. I uh…" She beamed at him, "There is a chance I'm going to be on TV in which case I obviously need a Lorelai Gilmore approved outfit."

Luke chuckled, "Obviously."

"We were going to hit a few stores nearby if you guys don't mind. Maybe meet up for dinner later?" Lorelai asked, "I'd love to catch up with you more Rachel."

Rachel smiled, "That sounds wonderful."

Rory smiled, "Great! We'll call you in a few hours to check in?"

"Sounds good." Rachel said digging into her meal again.

Rory started to dash off towards her car and Lorelai was following her. Luke excused himself quickly and caught up with Lorelai again, "I uh...I'm…" He stuttered.

Lorelai frowned at him, "Are you okay with me leaving? I figured you'd like to catch up with Rachel anyway."

He blushed, "Lorelai...I don't-"

She swallowed the lump in her throat, "You don't have to explain anything to me Luke. She was a big part of your life. It's okay to be happy to see her."

He looked back at Rachel, then looked back at Lorelai, "And you're sure you're okay with this?"

She smiled softly at him, "Yes."

He nodded once, "Call me later?"

She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze, "I will. Have a good day."

He gave her a smile and felt his heart jump in his chest when she turned to follow Rory. It occurred to him that this was the first time since they left for their trip that they would be a part like this. After an entire year apart it almost killed him to think about being away from her now. He sighed and turned back to the table, he sat down next to Rachel.

She smiled at him, "Wanna go for a walk and talk?"

Luke took a deep breath, "Yeah...I think I'd like that."

She smiled, threw money down on the table and hoped she could help him figure out whatever battle he was clearly fighting in his mind.

* * *

A few miles away, the girls had found a boutique and were looking for an outfit for Rory to potentially wear on CNN. Lorelai was going through some racks across from her daughter. Rory was paying more attention to her Mother than the clothing in front of her.

"So...weird seeing Rachel here, huh?" Rory asked as she passed on a shirt.

Lorelai looked up, "Hm?" Her daughter's words registered with her and she nodded, "Oh yeah. I know. What are the chances? Such a small world."

"Do you feel weird leaving Luke with her?" Rory asked curiously.

Lorelai sighed and took a black dress off the rack, "Why would I? Luke isn't my property."

Rory glared at her Mom, "Mom come on…"

Lorelai looked up and shrugged, "Sure...it feels a little weird. But she's with Adrian now and seems happy. Plus…" She looked down at the ground, "I still don't know what Luke wants...what he's feeling."

"Why don't you just ask him?" Rory asked, "I mean I think you have that right."

"It's just complicated kid." Lorelai said with a frown as she turned towards another rack of clothing, "We really did on a number on each other."

Rory stepped up beside her, "But you told me that you've been talking about a lot of things. You said that your biggest issue in your relationship was your lack of communication. If you want to try and make things work...shouldn't you talk about what you want? Make sure you're on the same page?"

Lorelai froze for a moment, "But what if he really does just want to be friends? Selfishly I don't know if I could handle that."

Rory was quiet for a moment before whispering, "Mom...I really don't believe that he would ask you to come on this trip with him if he really only wanted to be friends."

Lorelai shrugged, "I don't know."

"Well you won't' know until you talk to him about it." Rory said with a huff, "You can't let yourself get invested in this again if you're only going to be heartbroken again."

Lorelai looked over at her daughter, "Do you honestly think he could ever forgive me?"

Rory sighed and put her hand on her Mom's shoulder, "He hurt you too Mom."

Lorelai nodded, "I know that. And he knows that...but what I did…" She shivered slightly and looked down, "Especially marrying your Dad the way I did. I wouldn't blame him if he truly hated me."

Rory gave her shoulder a squeeze, "Maybe it wasn't your best moment but you weren't yourself. I think he knows that."

Lorelai glanced up, "Have you forgiven me?" Rory frowned, "I know my choices hurt you too."

Rory sighed, "When I was little I always wanted you and Dad to work it out. I wanted you to be together. But once I got older I realized that he wasn't the one for you. I was upset about what happened but more with him than you. He knew better Mom...he's always known how to manipulate you when you're hurting. And this was the ultimate example of that. You were in serious pain and he used that to his advantage. Unfortunately for him...you couldn't be bought. He realized no matter what happened...you were never going to love him the way you love Luke."

Lorelai swallowed hard, "I thought I could. I thought I could make it all better. But it made it so much worse."

"I know." Rory whispered, "But to answer your question...yes I think Luke would forgive you. In fact I think he already has." She smiled encouragingly, "The real question is...have you forgiven yourself?"

Lorelai looked down at the ground again and let her daughter's question ring in her mind. Had she forgiven herself? Or was she still trying to punish herself for her actions?

* * *

Meanwhile, Rachel took Luke to a nearby park where they walked through the forest. He felt calm among the trees and away from the crowds of people.

Rachel glanced over at him, "So how long are you going to make me sweat it out over here man? I've got a million and one scenarios running around in my head."

He laughed, "Well...let's see last time I saw you, you told me-"

"Not to wait to long to tell her." Rachel said with a nod, "I have a feeling you didn't follow that advice."

Luke shook his head, "No. I didn't...but it was complicated. She got engaged after you left."

Rachel frowned, "To that Max guy?"

Luke nodded, "It didn't last...but she wasn't ready. And then...there were other guys. And then I got married-"

Rachel froze and grabbed his arm, "Wait, what?"

He sighed, "Drunken night on a cruise."

Rachel gawked at him, "Again I say, wait what?"

He laughed, "I know...not my finest moment."

Rachel laughed and pointed to a clearing, "I think I need to sit for this."

He followed her and sat down, "Anyway...when I finally got my head screwed on straight and got divorced...I realized that it was now or never. Lorelai was opening her Inn. The dragonfly actually…"

Rachel smiled at him, "Wow she really did it?"

Luke nodded, "She did. And it's great Rachel. You should see it. She transformed the place. It's incredibly successful. She's even been in a magazine for it."

"That's great." She smiled at him, "You are beaming with pride talking about her you know."

He sighed and looked down, "I imagine that I am…"

She nudged him, "So...what happened then?"

He nodded, "We got together...sort of. The night the Inn opened. And then Liz and her husband got in an accident and I had to leave...we were talking on the phone when I was gone. And when I got back...we got together. And it was great. It was everything I thought it would be."

"So then what went wrong?" She asked curiously, "If it was so great, why aren't you together now?"

He began to pull at the grass around him, "Her parents didn't approve of me. And we went to their vow renewal, Lorelai's ex was there. Rory's father. He made this big speech to me about how he was supposed to be with Lorelai. And she had lied to me about spending time with him while we were together. I snapped...and I ended it."

She frowned, "That sounds like you. Jumping to conclusions."

Luke nodded, "We were apart for a few months. The town divided us up. Taylor and Kirk had people buying blue and pink ribbons to pick a side. I was a miserable old grump. More so than usual anyway…"

"Oh Luke…" She said with a sad little laugh.

He nodded, "But then I pulled my head out of my ass and realized I was being stupid. So I went to her and we got back together. And once again….things were great."

She nodded slowly, trying to keep up, "Okay…"

"And then Rory dropped out of Yale and stole a yacht." He said with a sigh. "And Lorelai proposed."

Rachel put a hand on her forehead, "My head is spinning…"

He chuckled, "I know. It's a lot to take in." He shrugged, "So we were engaged...and Rory and Lorelai were estranged. I tried to get them to talk to each other but they were both so damn stubborn. And then…" He cringed, "Then when they finally did start talking again my life got turned upside down in a way I never expected."

She stared at him for a moment, "How so?"

He turned to her and smiled, "Turns out I have a daughter of my own."

"A daughter?" Rachel said softly, "You have a daughter?"

Luke nodded, "I know. Crazy right?" He sighed, "But it's true. April. By the time she found me she was 12 already."

Rachel shook her head, "Who-"

"April Nardini." He said, "We dated briefly in between times you were around. It was never anything super serious...but she got pregnant and we broke up. She found out afterwards I guess and decided not to tell me. She didn't' think I'd make a good Father."

Rachel frowned, "She just didn't tell you? Luke that's crazy!"

"Maybe." He said with a shrug, "But I can't change it."

Rachel sighed, "So...what? Lorelai freaked when she found out or something?"

Luke shook his head, "She was upset...but not for the reasons you're thinking." She gave him a questioning look, "The thing is...I freaked and didn't tell her for two months." Her eyes bulged, "Terrible. I know. And when she found out...she was great about it. But I was still so confused and I started pushing her away without even realizing it. I created these two separate lives. One with Lorelai and one with April. I didn't let them mix."

"You were compartmentalizing as you always do." She said with a sad smile.

Luke nodded, "Exactly. And I screwed up royally...I didn't mean too but I was killing Lorelai in the process. So much so that she completely broke down and gave me an ultimatum."

She cringed, "Which of course you didn't take well."

Luke shook his head, "Not at all. And so...she thought I was saying it was over. And she…"

"And she what?" Rachel asked giving his an arm an encouraging squeeze, "What happened Luke?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat, "She slept with Rory's Father."

Rachel gasped, "Oh no."

"Before I could even process it...he had swept her off her feet. She was so upset over things with us she threw herself into a relationship with him. Next thing I knew they were married. And it was just...over." He said with a huff.

"Wow." Rachel whispered, "Luke...that's a lot."

"I was so damn mad Rachel. But it took me awhile to realize I was more mad at myself than I was mad at her." He whispered.

"I take it she's not with him anymore? I didn't see a ring...and she's here with you." She pointed out.

Luke nodded, "They broke up. She didn't give me any details and quite honestly I'm not sure I want any. I just know that they are broken up and now she's here with me."

Rachel took a deep breath, "Well that has to mean something, doesn't it?"

Luke frowned and pushed himself off the ground, "Rachel…"

"I mean she wouldn't have come on this trip if she didn't' still care. No woman goes away with their ex like this if they just want to be friends or if they hate them." She said with a laugh, "I think she still loves you!"

He turned his back away from her and overlooked a little clearing, "Rachel…"

"Have you guys talked about what this all means?" She asked curiously, "I mean...it has to mean something Luke."

He turned back to her slowly, feeling like his heart was going to burst from her chest, "Rachel...I need to tell you something. Hell I need to tell someone. Anyone."

She paused and looked at him, something in his expression made her heart jump in her chest. It reminded her of a moment from many years ago. A day she hadn't' thought of in years…

* * *

 _Rachel was in her room packing a bag. Tomorrow she and Luke were leaving for New York City for the summer. She had a gig before school started. She was so excited to leave this small town behind her. It had taken a lot of begging and pleading to get Luke to agree to come with her. Somehow or other he had said yes though...and she was so ready to take this step with him._

 _A soft knock on her bedroom door startled her, she turned, "Come in."_

 _Luke walked into the room with a blank look on his face, "Hey."_

 _She zipped up one of the pockets and smiled, "Hey! You all done packing? I'm just about finished I think. I'll pack the last minute stuff in the morning."_

 _"Rachel." He said with a little sigh as he closed the door behind him._

 _"My Mom still can't believe that we're actually going."S he said with a laugh, "Although I think she's probably just amazed I got you to agree to go than anything else."_

 _"Rachel." He tried again, his voice cracking slightly._

 _"She is going to drop us off at the airport though like she promised so that's good." She turned to him, "Are we still doing dinner tonight with everyone?"_

 _"Rachel." He said with a little more urgency, she gave him a questioning look, "I can't go with you."_

 _At first she thought she heard him wrong, and then she thought that her heart had been ripped in two, "What?"_

 _"I can't go with you." He said softly, "I just...I can't go."_

 _She fidgeted slightly, "I don't understand." She shook her head, "We have it all planned out Luke. Everything is set. We-"_

 _"It's my Dad." He whispered in a hoarse voice, "He's sick."_

 _She froze, "What?"_

 _He swallowed hard and looked down, unable to meet her eyes, "He's sick Rachel. Really sick. Cancer. He just told me."_

 _She put a hand over her mouth, "Oh Luke…"_

 _"I can't go." He whispered shaking his head back and forth, "I just can't go."_

 _She took a deep breath and walked over to him, quickly wrapping her arms around him, "Shhh...it's okay. It's okay."_

 _He clung to her in that moment and cried. Something she had never seen him do before and she knew then...as much as she loved him it was never going to work._

* * *

Snapping out of her daze, she felt new tears forming in her eyes. Whatever he was about to say wasn't going to be something she wanted to hear. It was going to be difficult...but just like before she knew that her old friend needed her to be strong.

"Luke…" She whispered softly, "What is it?"

He took a deep breath and said the words out loud for the first time since hearing the Doctor say them, "They found a tumor in my brain."

She gasped, "No."

"I don't know...if it's cancerous. But it could be. I found out and just...just left a few days later. I panicked. Found the map my Dad had made for this trip and just had to get out. I practically begged Lorelai to agree with me and for some reason she said yes. And now...here we are." He said with a shrug.

She felt her hands shaking, "A tumor…"

Luke nodded, "I'd been getting these headaches. Right here." He said pointing to the space between his eyes, "I just assumed they were stress related. But they started getting worse...and I was getting faint. So I decided to go get it checked out…"

She shook her head, "But you're the most health conscious person I know. That's not right."

He smiled, "Guess it doesn't always work that way. Family history and all…"

She stared at him in disbelief, "Please tell me you told Lorelai before you dragged her out here."

He grimaced, "That's where it gets even more complicated."

"Oh Luke…" She whispered shaking her head, "You haven't told her?"

"I panicked. And then there have been times when I wanted to tell her...when I almost told her but I froze." He said with a sigh.

"Luke she needs to know." She said with a pointed look, "I mean you told me that you kept your kid from her for months. She'll be devastated if she thinks you're keeping something from her now."

"But what if she just takes off?" He said throwing his hands off, "What if it's too much?"

"She might freak...it's a lot to take in. But she deserves to know." She said softly.

He took a deep breath and frowned, "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

Her heart ached for him, "Luke…"

"This wasn't supposed to be my life. I mean if I was with her I thought I'd make ti work. I thought I'd never get sick. I'm not my Dad. I'm-" He was rambling now.

"Luke…" She whispered stepping towards him, "Stop."

He shook his head, "I don't want to die Rachel. I'm not ready to die."

Tears welled up in her eyes and she quickly wrapped her arms around him, "Shh...shh it's okay."

Having said the words out loud for the first time since he found out that there was a possibility that he could be sick, "I'm scared."

"I know." She whispered giving him a squeeze, "I know you are. But it's going to be okay."

He felt that rush of emotion as if he was transported back in time to the very day he found out his Father was sick. Telling Rachel felt it all come full circle. It made it more real...it made the possibility of this illness being real.

He pulled away and frowned, "I have to tell her…"

Rachel nodded, "You have to tell her Luke. And when I say don't wait too long to tell her this time...I really mean it."

He nodded slowly, "I know. I know…"

She reached a hand out to him, "She loves you Luke. She wouldn't be here if she didn't."

"But what if sometimes love just isn't enough?" He asked sadly.

She sighed and squeezed his hand, "It will be okay…"

Luke wanted to believe it...he truly did but he just wasn't sure if it would be.

* * *

The sun was setting by the time Luke made it back to the hotel to meet Lorelai and Rory. They decided on an early breakfast with Rachel and Adrian the following morning and the three of them would have dinner alone together tonight. He walked to his own room and went to the connecting door to Lorelai's room.

Knocking gently, he had no answer but he turned the door open slowly. When it opened, he saw that Rory and Lorelai were deep in conversation sitting cross legged on the bed. Neither of them even noticed him. Lorelai through her head back and laughed loudly at something that her daughter had said. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen her so happy...and suddenly he couldn't do it again.

Not tonight.

Not when she was so happy.

He sighed, turned around and closed the door behind him.

He sat down on the bed and once again a memory of Lorelai washed over him.

Luke took a deep breath and hung his head, he rubbed the spot that was aching between his eyes. What if it was cancerous? What if right now it was like a ticking clock counting down the moments until his last breath?

Would Lorelai have a dark day if he died? He hated to think of that. He hated to think of her sad. Hated to think of causing her any pain.

He had been so mad at her later that very day when he saw the boat in her garage. But he realized she had done it because she loved him. She didn't want him to have any regrets and he would have regretted throwing the boat out so hastily.

Why did life have to be so damn complicated? Why couldn't they just find their way back to each other and be happy once and for all?

Rachel was right. He had to tell Lorelai...but damn she looked so happy with Rory by her side.

Rory.

Then there was Rory. He had to tell her too. And April...his girls.

Laying back on the bed he sighed and wondered just how he was ever going to face the three of them. He didn't want to put them through this...it was awful watching his own Father die. He didn't want them to see him like that if it was real.

He groaned and tossed a pillow over his head just as a knock on the door startled him. He jumped up and turned to see Rory poking her head in. "Hey! We thought we heard you in here."

He smiled, "Hey...sorry you guys looked like you were having fun. Didn't want to interrupt."

Rory smiled and walked into the room, "Mom just jumped in the shower before we head out. You okay with me crashing tonight?"

Luke smiled at her, "Of course I am. You know that."

She closed the door behind him, "Have a good day with Rachael?"

He sighed and looked down at his hands, "It was good to catch up...crazy to here her here."

"It's a small world." Rory said with a nod.

Luke looked up at her, "You having a good time so far out in the real world?"

She laughed slightly, "Still feels like I haven't settled totally. But...yeah it's been fun. Crazy but fun."

Luke nodded, "Good. That's good. I'm really proud of you Rory."

She smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed, "Thanks Luke."

He watched her face flush and the way she averted her eyes from him, "What's on your mind kid?"

She took a deep breath and lifted her head to look at him, "I just uh...I know it's not totally my business I just…" She narrowed her eyes at him, "What is the point of this trip Luke? Mom seems happy...and that's great. I just…" She shifted slightly, "I want to make sure you aren't going to hurt her again."

His heart raced in his chest, "Rory…"

"I mean do you want to be with her again? Is that what this is?" She asked hopefully, "Because if it's not...then you should let her go now."

Luke frowned, "Rory-"

Lorelai poked her head in the room, "I'm all set hon! Showers yours."

Rory turned and nodded, "Okay. I'll be right there."

Lorelai rubbed her hair with a towel, "Hey, did you have a good day?"

Luke nodded slowly, trying to switch tactics, "Uh...yeah. Yeah it was good."

Lorelai nodded, "We saw a little Italian place nearby. Does that sound good with you?"

Luke nodded, "Sure. Yeah. That's fine."

Lorelai nodded and stepped back, "Okay. I'm going to go get dressed."

Rory nodded, "I'll be in in a second." The door shut behind them and Rory turned to Luke, "So?"

"I never stopped loving your Mom." He whispered, "I want you to know that."

Rory nodded slowly, "Well that's good to hear...but you should probably tell her that. Not me."

Luke nodded, "I know. It's just not that simple Rory…"

Rory stood up slowly, "Maybe not...but you can't wait another 8 years this time Luke. That's not fair."

Luke stared up at her, wishing he could just spit it out. But he thought he had to tell Lorelai before he told her daughter, "I won't."

Rory nodded again, "I guess that's all I can ask for as of now. But...you'll keep me updated? She's not the only one who can call me you know."

He smiled at her, "I know."

Rory stared at him for a moment, "You know Luke...I know what my Mom did was terrible. And she knows it too. But...you are the only man she has ever truly loved. Don't ever doubt that." He blushed and looked down, "And honestly...you're the only man I ever really saw her with. I don't know if that means anything to you...but it means something to me."

He looked back up and smiled, "It means a hell of a lot."

Rory smiled, "Good. See you in a little bit?"

Luke nodded, "Just holler when you're both ready."

She nodded again and turned to walk out out of the room to her Mom's room. Luke heard the door click behind her and knew that time was running out. He had to tell Lorelai before it was too late... she had to hear it from him and not someone else. He just hoped that whatever they had built since they left Stars Hollow was strong enough to get them through this next chapter…

* * *

 **We are getting closer to the reveal and lots more other things. I'll do my best to update as soon as possible! Thanks all!**


	6. Part 5

**Going away for a few days, but I wanted to make sure I updated before I leave. I will update as soon as I can!**

* * *

The following morning after breakfast, Luke stood with Rachel as they were about to say goodbye. Rachel looked over and saw Rory and Lorelai huddled together waiting for Rory's cab to arrive. "You are going to tell her, right?"

He sighed, "Yes Rachel. I'm going to tell her."

"The longer you wait, the harder it will be." She said with a frown, "And I…" Tears welled up in her eyes and Luke sighed again.

"Rachel…" He whispered softly, he pulled her close and gave her a hug, "I'm going to be fine."

Out of the corner of her eye, Lorelai saw the embrace and felt a stab of jealousy course through her body. She saw that Rachel was crying too and her mind started racing. She turned away from the scene and focussed back in on her daughter.

Rachel pulled away and wiped at her eyes, "I'm sorry...I'm just...I'm so sorry Luke."

He nodded, "Not your fault."

She sniffled, "Will you uh...will you call me and let me know? I think it will drive me crazy if I don't hear from you. I know we haven't spoken in years but…"

"If you want me too. Sure." He said with a nod, he took out his phone, "Put your number in here."

Rachel sniffled again and plugged in her number into his phone, "Please call Luke."

"I promise. I will." He said with a nod as he took it back.

She smiled at him and shrugged, "I'm glad I ran into you...I wish the circumstances were different but-"

"I'm glad we ran into you too Rachel. And I'm really glad that you are happy. Adrian seems like a great guy." He said with a smile.

"He is." She whispered, then leaned forward, "But so are you. Don't forget that, okay?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat, "Okay."

"And don't wait too long Luke...I mean it this time." She said giving his arm a little squeeze, "She needs to know."

He stepped back, "I promise I won't."

Lorelai walked up to them shyly, "Um...hey. Rory wants to talk to you for a minute if that's okay."

Luke turned back to her, "Oh yeah. Of course." He turned to Rachel, "So guess this is goodbye. Don't be a stranger though...you know where to find us."

Rachel launched herself at Luke again and Lorelai had to step back, she turned her head but her look didn't go unnoticed by Luke. He hugged her back but kept his eyes on Rachel, "Bye Luke."

He gave her a little squeeze then smiled, "Bye Rachel."

He tried to give Lorelai a smile but she didn't seem willing to meet his gaze. Luke sighed and stepped around two very important women in his lives to check on Rory. Rachel wiped at her eyes and sighed, "God I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."

Lorelai shook her head, "You don't have too-"

"Lorelai…" Rachel whispered, "Do you love him?"

Her heart flip flopped in her chest, "What?"

She shrugged, "I want to know if you love him. I don't think you'd have come on this trip if you didn't He told me about certain things…"

Lorelai blushed, "Oh…"

"I'm not here to judge you. Life happens. Lord knows I hurt him a million and one times too. But he deserves to be happy. And I'm asking if you love him." Rachel whispered.

Lorelai looked back at Luke and saw him talking to Rory just as her cab pulled up, "I do Rachel. Very much."

Rachel's lip quivered, "Well then do me a favor...just remember that."

Lorelai turned back to her and frowned, "What?"

"No matter what happens...just remember that you love him." Rachel whispered, "Okay?"

Lorelai watched her for a moment, "Rachel…"

She glanced own at her watch, "I need to go. But hopefully I'll see you again soon."

Lorelai watched her go with a sense of worry growing in her lower belly. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. But something seemed off...she turned and saw Luke and Rory talking together still.

Rory stared at him, "So where too next on the big trip?"

Luke shrugged, "We were going to stay awhile by Mt. Rushmore but you're Mom said she didn't really need to see a bunch of dead guys carved in stone."

Rory chuckled, "Sounds like her."

"So I think we're going more towards Devil's Tower and Yellowstone." He said with a nod, "Might do some camping I guess."

Rory shook her head, "I still can't see Mom camping."

Luke chuckled, "She's insisting on it."

Rory smirked, "Make sure to take lots of pictures, both to blackmail her with and also for hard proof. No one is going to believe that one."

Luke nodded, "You got it."

Rory stared at him for a moment, "So...are you going to tell her?"

Luke's heart plummeted to his stomach for a moment, "What?"

She cocked her head to the side, "What you told me. About how you never stopped loving her."

Luke cleared his throat, "Oh...oh yeah. Um…" He shifted his weight from foot to foot, "Yeah-yeah I will."

"I hope so." Rory whispered, "She really deserves to know. Plus…" She smiled, "I think if you say it...she'll be ready to tell you how she feels too."

Luke's stomach fluttered, "Rory…"

"Thanks for letting me crash the party." Rory teased, "I'm glad I got to see you guys after all. Made me feel special."

Luke smiled, "You are special Rory."

A memory washed over them both…

* * *

 _CUT TO LUKE'S DINER_

 _[Rory walks in and sits at the counter]_

 _RORY: Hey, Luke._

 _LUKE: Hey, Rory. Isn't today Yale?_

 _RORY: Um, yeah, I'm going right now._

 _LUKE: You look so calm. How do you feel?_

 _RORY: A little nervous, but a last Luke's fix before I go will help._

 _LUKE: Well, today is whatever you want on the house._

 _RORY: Wow, I feel important._

 _LUKE: You are important.  
_

* * *

Rory took a deep breath, stood up on her tip toes and hugged him close, "Take care of each other."

Luke squeezed her tight, "We will. And you take care of yourself. Call us if you need anything at all. We'll come to you."

Rory buried her nose in his shoulder for a minute, suddenly overcome with the urge to cry, "Okay…"

He pulled back and smiled at her, "Hey...what's with the tears?"

She sighed and shrugged, "I don't know...just feels different than the last goodbye. Not sure why...it just does. Like something big is about to happen.

Luke reached a hand up to touch her shoulder, "Something big is about to happen kid. You're about to take the world by storm."

She smiled at him, "Thanks Luke."

He nodded once and stepped back as Lorelai walked over to them, "I've decided you can't leave." Lorelai said.

Rory pouted, "Mom...don't make this any harder than it has to be."

Lorelai whimpered and pulled her daughter as close as possible, "I miss you already."

Rory sniffled and held her close, "I miss you more."

"I'll give you guys a minute." Luke whispered, "Call us when you get back Rory."

Lorelai and Rory pulled away and watched Luke walked far enough way to give them some space. "You gonna be okay?" Rory asked.

Lorelai sighed and pushed her hair out of her face, "I think so. You?"

Rory nodded, "I think so too."

Lorelai looked at Luke out of the corner of her eyes, "Something feels different…"

"I felt that too." Rory said with a frown, "I don't know what it is. But it's something."

Lorelai sighed, "With my luck that something different is Luke realizing he's still in love with Rachel."

Rory shook her head, "Impossible Mom. That ship has long since sailed."

"Yeah...maybe." She said with a frown, "But something's different. I mean did you see her crying saying goodbye to him? Seemed like maybe there was still something there."

"Mom...don't let this eat at you." Rory said shaking her head, "You'll let it consume you until you do something silly."

Lorelai frowned, "Your Dad isn't around so I wouldn't worry about that."

Rory gave her a pointed look, "Mom that's not even funny…"

Lorelai grimaced, "I'm sorry. You know I say stupid things like that when I'm nervous."

"Well what are you nervous about? It's just Luke." Rory said with a shrug.

"That's just it hon. It isn't just Luke. So much has changed between us in the last few years...and even more so in the last few weeks. I don't know what we're doing." Lorelai said with a shrug, "I don't know what he wants."

As much as Rory wanted to tell her Mother what Luke had confided in her, she knew that it had to come from him, "You two have been doing a lot of talking. I think it's time to delve a little deeper. Get to the heart of the matter here."

Lorelai pouted again, "I don't know if my heart can actually take that."

"Well you're going to have to try." Rory said giving her a nudge, "You can't play this game forever."

Lorelai sighed and reached up to smooth back Rory's hair, "When did you get so wise kid?"

Rory smiled, "I take after my incredible Mom."

Lorelai rolled her eyes and pulled her daughter close, "You call me every minute you have free."

Rory squeezed her back, "I will. I promise. You too."

Lorelai kissed the side of her face, "I love you so much kid."

"I love you more." Rory whispered, she felt her Mom trying to protest that, "Don't argue with me."

Lorelai laughed and pulled away, wiping at her own tears, "Okay go now or I'll never let you leave."

Rory smiled and picked up her bag, she waved to Luke who took the hint to come back over. Rory climbed into the cab and gave the driver her directions. Luke stepped up beside Lorelai and instantly she felt herself relax. Rory rolled the window down and waved at them both, hoping that the next time she saw them they'd be back where they belonged. Together.

Tentatively, Luke lifted his arm and placed his hand on Lorelai's upper back, "You okay?"

She sighed, "Just sucks saying goodbye."

"I know." He whispered rubbing her back gently, he felt her tense but only for a minute, "Is there anything I can do?"

She smiled and turned to him, "You're doing enough just by being with me Luke."

He blushed and nodded his head once, "Okay…"

She sighed and turned to see that Rory's cab was out of sight now, "Ready to hit the road?"

Luke nodded, "Yeah. Let's go."

* * *

Three hours later they were on the road and making their way towards Devil's Tower. They had exchanged pleasant conversation while driving, but nothing serious. Luke sensed a shift between them, but wondered if she was just sad about saying goodbye to Rory.

He shifted in his seat as he drove, "How are you doing?"

Lorelai turned to look at him, "Oh uh...I'm fine."

"You sure?" He asked adjusting the volume on the radio, "You're very quiet."

She smiled at him, "No really. I'm good."

Luke nodded, "Okay." He looked to his left, "You mind if I stop for gas up here?"

Lorelai shook her head, "No. I could stretch my legs anyway. And of course you could let me drive finally."

Luke shot her a look, "Nope."

She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, pouting slightly, "Oh you're no fun."

He chuckled and pulled into the gas station and hopped out of the car, "I'm going inside to pay. Want a drink?"

"A water would be good. Thanks." She said with a smile as she got out to stretch a little.

Luke nodded, tapped the hood of the truck and walked around it to head towards the gas station. Lorelai lifted her arms above her head and stretched as high as she could, causing her t-shirt to ride up to reveal some of her abdomen. A man at the pump beside her raised an eyebrow but she didn't notice.

She rolled her head back and forth with her eyes closed, sighing slightly before bending over to stretch out her legs and back. The man whistled from his spot and she snapped back up, blushing slightly. "Hi." He said to her.

She stepped back against the truck and nodded once, "H-Hi."

He lifted his leg to lean it on the back of his own truck, "What's a pretty girl like you doing out here in the middle of nowhere?"

She frowned, "I'm...traveling."

He nodded, "Didn't take you as a midwestern kinda a gal."

She pushed back against Luke's truck further, "No. I'm not from here."

"East Coast gal?" He ventured giving her a leery smile, she didn't answer and he nodded, "Thought so."

She turned around hoping to give him the hint that she wasn't interested. She walked towards the back of the truck to look out at the highway and open land. She could practically feel his eyes boring into her and she hoped Luke would hurry up.

"That your boyfriend in there?" The guy asked as he put the hose back in its holster.

She gripped the back of the truck bed, "I'm not sure that's really your business."

He smirked and walked over to her, "I bet he doesn't even know these back roads like I do. Why don't you ditch him and hop in my truck. I could show you a good time."

She didn't turn to look at him, "No thanks."

He frowned, feigning hurt and reached out to put his hand on her back, "Oh come on sweetie...I promise I don't bite."

She shook his hand off, "I said no thank you."

He chuckled and stepped all the way up to her, "Feisty little east coast gal aren't ya?" He taunted and reached back to grab her ass, she gasped and tried to push him away, "I'll show you who's in charge."

"Get your hands off of her!" A voice boomed from behind them.

Lorelai's heart was racing in her chest as she was pressed up against this man. He stunk, everything about him made her feel queasy. Now with his hand resting on her back side she felt even worse. Her eyes bore into Luke's as he stood a foot away from them, "Luke…"

The man smirked, "Oh look your boyfriend's back." He pulled Lorelai closer, "I was just telling your gal here that I'd like to really show her around."

Luke's hands clenched around the two water bottles in his hands, "I said get your hands off of her. Right now."

The man sighed, moved his hand off her ass and slid his arm up around her shoulder, "Or what?"

"Luke…" Lorelai whispered again, as much as she wanted this man off of her she also didn't want Luke to get hurt.

He shook his head, "I'm giving you three seconds to back up or you'll find out."

The man threw his head back and laughed, "Oh please…"

"One." Luke said taking a step towards them.

The man looked back at Luke, "Whatcha gonna do hot shot?"

"Two." Luke said taking another step towards them.

"I could take you in a second." He said pulling Lorelai even closer, practically panting in her ear causing her to cringe.

"Three." Luke said, the man didn't budge.

Before Lorelai knew what was happening, she saw Luke throw the water bottles down on the ground and grab the guys shirt. She ducked her head, stumbled to the side and shrieked when Luke had the man in a headlock, pressed up against the truck.

"Hey!" The guy yelled trying to get air, "Can't. Breath."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Luke yelled, squeezing tighter, "You don't just grab a woman like that!"

The man gasped and tried to pull at Luke's hands, "Let go."

"I warned you." Luke said shaking him slightly, feeling rage overtake him.

He gasped again, this time unable to say anything and Lorelai started to panic, "Luke! Let go!"

Luke turned to Lorelai and saw a terrified expression on her face. His hands and arms dropped and he quickly stood up, the man stumbled back, and slid down the side of the truck, panting for breath.

"Lorelai." He whispered stepping closer to her, "Are you okay?"

She nodded slowly, unable to find her words. Luke stepped closer to her again and reached out to her just as the guy let out a little laugh, "She's not even worth it. Stuck up little bit-" He started to say.

Before he could finish, Luke turned around and gave a swift kick to his gut, "Get the hell out of here before I seriously hurt you."

The man groaned and held his stomach as he pulled himself up off the ground, stumbling towards his truck. He clumsily climbed in and started the engine, never turning around to give either of them a second glance.

The man from inside the gas station ran out and sighed, "Are you guys okay?"

Lorelai looked over at Luke and saw his face red with fury as he gripped the side of the truck. "Y-Yes…" She answered for them.

The employee walked over to them, "Are you sure?"

She nodded, "Yes. Yes I'm sorry...we didn't mean-"

He shook his head, "Please don't apologize ma'am. That guy is well known around these parts. I'm just glad you're alright. I was about to call the cops when he took off."

Lorelai shivered hearing his words, "Oh...well...thank-thank you. We're fine."

He bent down and picked up the two waters, "Do you want new ones? Or anything else?"

Lorelai looked back at Luke and saw him breathing hard, "No thank you. I think we're good. We should be going…"

The man nodded, "Alright. Well he paid for the gas already…" He said nodding towards Luke.

Lorelai nodded, "Oh. Right. Thanks. We'll uh...we'll get that then be on our way. Thank you."

He nodded once and turned back to walk into the station. Lorelai awkwardly stood back for a moment, unsure what to do. When Luke didn't look at her or make a move to begin to pump the gas she started to worry. After a minute she walked over to the pump to do it herself but his voice stopped her.

"I've got it." He said quickly, "Get in the truck."

She almost jumped at the sound of his voice, "I can do it."

Luke shook his head, "Just get into the truck."

She frowned, "But I-"

"Lorelai please!" He yelled causing her to jump again, he sighed, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell...just...please get into the truck."

She nodded once and stepped around him and climbed into the passenger seat. Luke sighed and grabbed the hose and pump to begin filling the tank up. He glanced over at Lorelai who was sitting stock still in the truck. She looked completely shocked and confused. He sighed, hanging his head in shame.

He hadn't meant to yell at her or to frighten her. But the image of that strange man groping her the way he had was burning a hole in his brain. He cringed and put the hose back before walking around the truck to climb back in. He turned the key in the ignition and put the car in drive, moving them onto the road again.

Neither one of them spoke at first and he could feel the tension. Sighing again, he pulled onto the side of the road, she didn't even flinch, "I'm sorry I yelled like that. I just...that...that wasn't okay what he did."

She looked down at her lap, "I didn't ask him to do that."

Luke turned to her and frowned, "I know that. Of course I know that."

She chanced a glance at him, he saw the tears welling up in her eyes, "I'm sorry...I tried to push him away but he wasn't listening and he was too strong and-"

"Lorelai no." He said turning his body all the way towards her, "Hey...you have nothing to apologize for."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, "Truth?" He nodded slowly, "That really freaked me out."

He sighed and leaned across the bench and pulled her into his arms without hesitating, "God I'm sorry Lorelai. I'm so sorry."

She closed her eyes tightly and noticed how different Luke's touch felt compared to that creepy man's. How safe and comfortable she felt here with Luke, even after all this time. She clung to his arms and whispered in his ear, "Thank you for protecting me."

He pulled back slowly and lifted a hand to brush back her hair, "Always Lorelai. Always."

A slow smile spread on her lips and she smiled, "Can I drive?" She asked again.

He laughed slightly and shook his head, "That's part of the me protecting you thing. And in this case me...you aren't driving."

She sighed and looked out the window, "Spoil sport."

He smiled to himself, happy to know that she was going to be okay. He hated what had just happened. Yet for the moment, all he could think of was what it felt like to have her in his arms again like he just did. How perfectly she fit, how she molded to him. Her warmth in his arms. It was all too much.

"You know...we don't have to do the whole camping thing." He whispered to her as he pulled back onto the road.

She shook her head, "You like camping."

"Yeah but you don't." He said with a laugh, "You hate nature."

She shrugged, "But this is important to you Luke. I want to do something you like to do for once."

"I do the things I like to do." He said with a smile, "I don't need you to do this."

* * *

 _(CUT to Luke's diner, continuous. Luke is unpacking his camping stuff. Lorelai knocks on the diner door. Luke walks over, unlocks it for her and walks back to the counter. Lorelai comes in)_

 _LORELAI: Hey, Grizzly Adams. Why are you back? The woods closed or something?_

 _LUKE: No, they weren't closed. I was...I don't know. It's...what it is. Nature._

 _LORELAI: Nature? Nature is..._

 _LUKE: You know, it's there, I saw it. Trees, leaves, whatever._

 _LORELAI: OK, that's your second answer in the form of a haiku. Let's get beyond that. Why are you back?_

 _LUKE: Because I felt like coming back. I can't do what I want to do?_

 _LORELAI: Of course you can._

 _LUKE: Good._

 _LORELAI: But camping is something you want to do._

 _LUKE: No, it's what you wanted me to do._

 _LORELAI: When did you turn against camping?_

 _LUKE: I didn't turn against camping. I'm just trying to understand, why you were trying to get rid of me tonight._

 _LORELAI: I wasn't doing that._

 _LUKE: Well, you sent me off to the woods. What if I don't want to go off to the woods?_

 _LORELAI: But you always want to go to the woods._

 _LUKE: Well, I don't like going to the woods when I'm being banished to them._

 _LORELAI: No one is banishing you._

 _LUKE: It felt like it._

 _LORELAI: Well, then, that's my fault. (sits on a nearby stool)_

 _LUKE: (sighs) Look... I like doing things with you. Surprised I have to tell you that._

 _LORELAI: You don't have to tell me that._

 _LUKE: I like going shopping with you, I like having dinner with Sookie and Jackson. The actual shopping seems a little pointless, and Sookie's kids drive me up a wall, but you're there, and I like hanging with you._

 _LORELAI: I know that._

 _LUKE: And, I could have been fun at this recital. I mean, you're probably sitting there mocking most of it. I can mock stuff._

 _LORELAI: Oh, you're a great mocker. I was only thinking of you when I mentioned the camping. You haven't been camping since we got together, and I was feeling weird about that. You should do the things you like._

 _LUKE: I do do the things I like._

 _LORELAI: Well, I wasn't getting rid of you. I want you to do whatever you want to do with me. I know that sounded dirty, and dirty things count, but I didn't mean the dirty things. You and me can hang whenever, wherever._

 _LUKE: Yeah, well, maybe I'm being sensitive._

 _LORELAI: I really wasn't getting rid of you._

 _LUKE: I mean, I'm not dying to see baton twirling._

 _LORELAI: I'm happy to be with a man who isn't._

 _LUKE: Was there baton twirling?_

 _LORELAI: Oh, yes, and it was no fun. She didn't drop it once. You want to come back to the recital with me? Kirk is doing something strange and disturbing._

 _LUKE: Nah, I think I might go back out camping. Wouldn't mind doing some fishing._

 _LORELAI: Good._

 _LUKE: Yeah. Good._

 _LORELAI: OK. (Lorelai leaves and Luke turns back his focus to his camping equipment)  
_

* * *

She wished that now their problems could be solved as easily as they had been before. She always worried that he was becoming less of himself when he was with her. Always doing what she wanted to. Always wanting to please her.

She realized now that they always had trouble finding that balance. If they were going to make this work again, she wanted to be better about that. She flushed and realized she was assuming they may be getting back together. But what if they weren't?

He had protected her without question today. She saw the fury in his eyes. The rage. The need to be there for her. Something she had missed. That safety net. She wanted to feel that again. She wanted to be with him.

She turned and smiled at him, "I want to go camping."

He turned to her and smiled gently, "You're sure?"

She beamed up at him and nodded, hoping he understood on some deeper level that what she was saying went beyond just camping, "I'm positive."

Luke nodded, "Then camping it is."

She took a deep breath and smiled as she turned back to look out the window. They were both thinking that maybe this camping trip was going to be change the dynamics more.

She was hoping it was the step they needed.

He was hoping it was the night he finally found his nerve to tell her the truth.

Once they finally reached their destination and settled into the campground, the sun was starting to set. Luke was setting up the tents beside where she sat, she took in the scene in front of her and sighed happily.

Luke looked over at her, "You okay?"

She smiled at him and nodded, "I can't believe how beautiful it is here."

Luke smiled and couldn't help but think that the view was even more beautiful with her there, "It is something else." He said softly as he finished up and sat down beside her on the ground.

"I think I can see why you like doing this so much." She said settling in beside him.

Luke looked around him, "I've never camped in a place like this…"

Lorelai turned to him and smiled, "Think your Dad would have liked it?"

Luke sighed and nodded slowly, "I think he would have loved it."

She nodded once and looked down, words tumbled from her mouth before she could stop them, "Rachel knew your Dad well."

He was taken aback by her words, but he turned to her slowly, "Uh...yeah she did."

She smiled, "That's nice."

He watched her carefully, "Lorelai…"

She cringed, "I have to admit that I felt irrationally jealous seeing you with her. Especially this morning when she hugged you goodbye."

He let out a little sigh, "Lorelai…"

She shook her head, "I know I have no right to be. It's silly. You're allowed to feel how you feel."

He turned towards her slowly, "Lorelai I-"

"And then my mind starts wandering and I realize how hypocritical I am." She said with a frown, "I mean I...I was...I was with…"

His heart started beating faster as the sun sunk even lower and the sky darkened, "You want to talk about that?"

She looked down at her hands, "We've been avoiding it."

He nodded, "Yeah I can admit that I haven't really wanted to bring him up." He paused then looked over at her, "But you really do have nothing to be jealous of when it comes to Rachel. Just so we're clear…"

"She meant a lot to you. She was your first love." Lorelai whispered.

He lifted his eyes to look at her, "And he was yours."

She blushed and looked away, she kicked at the ground, "I guess…"

"You guess?" He asked softly, "What do you mean you guess?"

She sighed and lifted herself up off the ground, "Honestly? I mean...I guess I loved him in a way. But I'm not sure I was every _**in**_ love with him. I think I was more in love with the idea of him. Of what we could have possibly given Rory."

He shifted in his seat, "You weren't in love with him?"

She shook her head, "No. Not the way that I-" Her voice cracked and she looked down, away from him.

"Not the way that you what?" He asked feeling his heart pound in his chest.

She looked up at him, tears brimming in her eyes. She shrugged nervously and smiled, "Not the way that I loved you."

He licked his lips and slowly stood up, "Oh."

She took a deep breath and sighed, "Luke I need you to understand that night…" She saw him cringe, "I wasn't thinking. I was just so far gone." He looked broken and she frowned, "I don't want to make you feel bad but I just...I need you to understand that I wasn't in the right state of mind. It didn't even register with me what had happened until it was over. But in that moment...when I walked away for me it was over. You were saying no."

He shook his head, "I didn't know it was over. You know that I need time to process things."

She shrugged, "But I'd given you time. And maybe that's selfish of me but I couldn't wait any longer. It wasn't even really about waiting...it was just me needing to know what you wanted. Knowing that you wanted me."

He sighed, "Well that's my fault. You deserved better."

She whimpered softly, "But so did you. We both did Luke."

They stared at each other for a moment, the sun was almost fully gone now and she moon was rising higher. He wished that life didn't have to be so damn complicated. He wished he could tell her everything and know that it was all going to be fine.

But the reality was...life didn't work that way.

She fidgeted slightly, "Saying I'm sorry will never make up for what I did Luke. But I am sorry."

He lifted his head to look at her, "Why'd you marry him?"

She frowned, "Because if i stood still long enough I had to think about what I had lost. I thought if I could just throw myself into a marriage with him it would make it all better. I thought I'd be able to just...make myself be happy."

"Didn't work?" He asked softly, she shook her head, "I guess I can understand that. I think sometimes that's why I married Nicole."

She shook her head, "We weren't even together then though."

He smiled sheepishly at her, "I kept that horoscope in my wallet for 8 years, remember?"

She blushed, "Oh."

He nodded, "Yeah. Oh."

She lifted her shoulders, "Why the hell are we so screwed up Luke?"

He chuckled, "Uh...I don't know?"

She wrung her hands together, "I just...I felt this lump grow in my throat today Luke watching you with her. She has Adrian. I know. I know that. But…" She looked up and she shrugged, "I can't pretend that this whole trip doesn't mean something to me."

He felt his heart racing again, "It means something to me too...and not just about what it represents with my Dad."

She took a slow step towards him, "Luke…"

"But there is more to this than you realize." He said with a sigh as he looked down slowly, "And I…"

Suddenly he heard her shriek and launch herself past him jumping from foot to foot. His head snapped up, immediately on the defensive just as he had been earlier in the day. But instead of seeing an immediate threat, he saw a small rabbit sitting near the tent he had set up for her.

"What is it?" She squealed, "It touched me! Oh god what is it?"

He couldn't help it. He started to laugh. And not just a little bit. A deep, low, fully body laugh erupted from his body.

How absurd it felt that here they were about to bare their souls to each other and a bunny. A little innocent bunny had startled her. He was bent over, hands on his knees as he laughed, tears streaming down his face.

Lorelai huffed, "Why are you laughing? Don't laugh! It could have killed me!"

Luke lifted his head and wiped away his tears, "Lorelai it's a rabbit."

Her mouth hung open, "What?"

He rubbed his eye with the back of his hand and continued to chuckle gently, "It's a freaking rabbit."

She gasped and stepped closer to him, "A rabbit?"

He nodded slowly and chuckled again, "Yes. A rabbit."

She narrowed her eyes and bent over to look at the rabbit who was still sitting beside the tent, "A rabbit."

He bent down beside her, "Yeah...not so terrifying, huh?"

She sighed and put a hand over her heart, "I felt it brush the back of my leg. I swear I thought it was a bear coming to eat me."

Luke sighed and stood up, "Definitely not going to eat you. You pose more of a threat to it than he does to you."

She scoffed and stood up too, "Hey! Paul Anka is still living, isn't he?"

He smiled at her, "Yes. The crazy mutt is still living."

She turned all the way towards him, remembering where they had been before, "The crazy mutt has missed you like crazy."

He frowned and looked down, "Lorelai…"

She took a breath and stepped to him again, "And so have I."

He watched her walk all the way up to him, "Lorelai…"

"Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe you don't feel the same way but I just...I have to know if there is a possibility of you ever forgiving me Luke." She whispered, "I need to know what this is. What we are...because I have missed you so much and I never, ever stepped loving you." She blushed and looked down, "What...what do you think?"

It was right there on the tip of his tongue but she was so beautiful i this moment. So perfect and it all felt like a dream to be back beside her. "I never stopped loving you either."

She let out a little breath she had been holding and launched herself at him, "Luke."

He felt her pressed against him and it felt like the broken pieces of his life were being put back together. He wanted to stay like this. Holding her forever.

But he had to tell her.

"Lorelai…" He whispered softly trying to push her back.

She pulled away and shook her head, "No. Don't say anything else...please?"

He frowned, "But-"

She shook her head, "Can we just...can we have this moment? Let it be what it is? Figure out the rest later? We're in this beautiful place...and we seem to be on the same page. I just...I want to have this. Just for tonight."

Her words made him remember something he had said to her years ago after their first break up.

* * *

 _LORELAI'S HOUSE_

 _[Lorelai is watching a movie. Judy Garland is singing on the screen.]_

 _JUDY: The night is bitter, the stars have lost their glitter. The winds grow colder, suddenly you're older, and all because of the man that got away._

 _[She hears someone knocking on the door. She opens the door and Luke walks in, wraps his arms around her and kisses her. Lorelai closes the door.]_

 _JUDY: No more his eager call, the writing's on the wall, the dreams you've dreamed have all gone astray._

 _Lorelai pulled away trying to catch her breath, "Luke…"_

 _"Don't say anything." He said in a hoarse voice, "I'm an idiot and I shouldn't have walked away like that. But I did. And I'm sorry."_

 _She licked her lips, "Luke…"_

 _He shook his head again, "I love you." She gasped and stepped back, "I love you and I want this to work."_

 _She wiped at the tears in her eyes, "I love you too."_

 _He smiled, feeling relieved, "Well good. Looks like we're on the same page then."_

 _She stepped over to him and sniffled, "But what about-"_

 _He shook his head and wrapped his arms around her again, "Not tonight Lorelai. Tonight I just want to have this moment. Okay?"_

 _She wrapped her arms around his waist and beamed up at him, just happy to be back in his arms, "Okay."_

 _He smiled and pressed her against the wall, feeling her lips press against his and everything in his world made sense again._

* * *

Looking back on it now, he wondered how it would have changed things if they had started talking back then. Really talking. Would they have been able to survive what was ahead of them?

He would never have the answer to that of course. No one would have that answer.

He wanted to say it now. He should have said it.

Yet selfishly like her, he too wanted this moment. If was all he had left with her before she found out the truth...in case he didn't survive. He wanted this last moment with her too.

"Okay." He whispered letting out a little breath knowing that all she had to do was smile at him and he'd give her everything she wanted, even if it was wrong.

She smiled and touched his cheek with her hand, "Okay."

He watched as she stepped back and began to walk towards her tent. "Lorelai…"

"I think I'm going to like camping." She said with a giggle, flashing him a brilliant smile as she slipped into the tent wanting to change.

He sighed and felt a mix of emotions. He felt relieved to know that she felt the same way...that there was a chance for them still after all of this. After everything they had been through...how much they had hurt each other there was still so much love between them.

He just hoped now more than ever that that love they shared was enough to keep them together. To get them through whatever was about to come next.

But he also knew that he couldn't drag her through this much longer.

Rachel's words rung in his ears, " _Don't wait too long to tell her Luke."_

He sighed again and knew that this time he had to listen to her. He couldn't wait. He had to tell her the truth. It was time.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow was the day.

And tonight...tonight he was just going to live. 

* * *

**So when I say tomorrow...I mean next chapter. For real. Potentially going to be M rated but I will post here first so you know. Just need to decide which direction I want to go in. Thanks guys. You are the best!**

 __


	7. Part 6

**Okay so here's the deal - READ THIS BEFORE YOU GO ON.**

 **As promised this is the chapter where Luke tells her. Also as promised there will be an M portion. Some of you did not want this. Some did. So there are two versions. This one is the regularly rated one. It will end just before the M part.**

 **For those wanting the M extended version - it will be posted in the M section of the Gilmore Girl's fanfiction. You can just click on my name JoyfulHeartEO and will see the link as well as "Love Me Now: The M content".**

 **Hopefully doing it this way satisfies everyone! More soon! Thanks!**

 **One final note - I got an inquring review about the distance thing between Mt. Rushmore and Devil's Tower. As noted in the previous chapter the ended up skipping Mt. Rushmore and going from Sioux Falls to Devil's Tower. I did look that up and it was 6 hours or so. They left in the morning and got there in the afternoon and yes I've driven that long in my lifetime in one day so it is possible. Anyway - just saying. Sure there may be other mistakes but I did look that one up and that's what I saw. Doing my best people. Writing is a hobby for me...not necessarily looking to be published. Alright anyway. Continue on! ;)**

* * *

Luke woke up in his tent with a pounding headache. He cringed and sat up, immediately he rubbed the spot between his eyes. He groaned and realized this was a not so subtle reminder to himself that today was the day he had to tell her.

He remembered what happened last night very clearly.

* * *

 _"Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe you don't feel the same way but I just...I have to know if there is a possibility of you ever forgiving me Luke." She whispered, "I need to know what this is. What we are...because I have missed you so much and I never, ever stepped loving you." She blushed and looked down, "What...what do you think?"_

 _It was right there on the tip of his tongue but she was so beautiful i this moment. So perfect and it all felt like a dream to be back beside her. "I never stopped loving you either."_

 _She let out a little breath she had been holding and launched herself at him, "Luke."_

 _He felt her pressed against him and it felt like the broken pieces of his life were being put back together. He wanted to stay like this. Holding her forever._

 _But he had to tell her._

 _"Lorelai…" He whispered softly trying to push her back._

 _She pulled away and shook her head, "No. Don't say anything else...please?"_

 _He frowned, "But-"_

 _She shook her head, "Can we just...can we have this moment? Let it be what it is? Figure out the rest later? We're in this beautiful place...and we seem to be on the same page. I just...I want to have this. Just for tonight."_

* * *

He shivered remembering her words. How she had professed her love to him after all this time. He wished he could say that it was enough to fix everything but he knew better. Afterwards they had talked, agreeing to take things slow. There was still much to be talked about, more than even Lorelai knew about.

They had stayed up late and awkwardly said goodnight, unsure of what to do next. But they slipped into separate tense nonetheless. He groaned again and pushed himself off the ground and slipped out of the tent, squinting as the sun was beginning to rise in the East.

"Hey." He heard her whisper from his left.

He turned quickly, surprised that she would be awake before him, "H-hey...you're up early."

She shrugged, "I couldn't really sleep." She turned and looked out at the rising sun, "Plus I really wanted to see what the sunrise looked like."

Luke walked over to her and stretched, "Yeah...you aren't used to seeing many of those."

She smiled and shook her head, "No. I'm definitely not."

Luke gritted his teeth, trying to urge the pain in his head away. It was consuming him. He could feel the pounding thud against his skull as if it was screaming at him to tell her. She seemed to notice his far off expression and pained manner. "Luke?"

He turned to her slowly, cringing as he did, "Hm?"

"Are you okay?" She asked softly feeling a tremor of worry pass over her, what if he was already regretting his words last night?

He took a deep breath, willing the oxygen to calm his aching head, "M' fine." He awkwardly mumbled.

She frowned and turned to him, "Are you sure?"

He turned away from her, unable to bare seeing the worry mirrored back at him, "Mhm."

She continued to stare at him as he looked away from her, "Luke…" He didn't respond and she looked down at the ground, "Are you uh...are you regretting what you said last night?"

His head whipped around and he gasped as he felt as if his brain was being sloshed from side to side, "Ow."

She watched him double over and press a hand to his forehead, "Luke?"

"Shit." He said breathing in deeply, trying to will himself not to be sick as nausea took over, "Shit. Shit."

She rubbed his back slowly, "Hey...hey what is it? You're scaring me…"

Luke swallowed the lump in his throat and pushed down the bile that was slowly rising, "Headache." He was able to muster.

She continued to watched him carefully, "Headache? You never get headaches…"

He sighed, "Yeah well…"

She stood up quickly, "I have some tylenol. I know you don't like to take medicine but...but if it's that bad maybe you shou-"

"I don't think it will help." He said softly as he slowly stood back up, eyes closed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "Nothing does."

She stared at him, worry written all over her face, "Luke?"

He sighed and shook his head, "It will pass. I think I'm just overtired."

She frowned, "But-"

He lifted his chin to look directly at her, needing to make sure she heard him correctly, "I do not for a second regret anything I said last night. Okay?"

She let out a little breath she hadn't realized she was holding, "Okay…"

Luke nodded, "Okay." He looked up and suddenly saw dark clouds drifting over heard, "Looks like it might be stormy today."

Lorelai followed his gaze, "Huh…"

He sighed and rubbed his back, "Lorelai I'm really tired...would it be okay if we get a hotel and just rest a little?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, "Luke?"

He knew she was worried, he could sense it, feel it, see it written all over her face, "I'm just tired…really tired."

Tilting her head to the side she wondered what really was going on in that head of his. But she also knew that sometimes he just needed a little time to process. Though that processing time usually killed her in the long run. Not wanting to screw this up so quickly, she decided to let this play out at his own pace.

She nodded once, "Sure. I'll start packing up."

He watched as she turned, "Lorelai-" She turned back to him hopefully, "Thank you for camping with me."

She smiled at him, "It was my pleasure Luke." She shrugged, "Maybe we can do it again sometime?"

He felt his heart jump in his chest, "I'd like that."

She let herself relax a little, hoping that, that was a signal that there was still a future for them beyond this trip. She suddenly imagined camping with him and their children. Rory and April, Paul Anka and maybe even another little one...she beamed with happiness as she stepped back into her tent trying to not let herself get to crazy in her thinking.

One step at a time…

Outside the tent, Luke squeezed the bridge of his nose and inhaled sharply as the pain began to worsen again, "I have to tell her today." He mumbled. "Today. Today. Today."

He sighed and opened his eyes again, hoping that she believed in them enough to not leave him again. He needed her more than ever now...he just hoped he hadn't screwed things up past the point of no return.

* * *

An hour and a half later, they pulled up to the first hotel they had spotted. Luke had reluctantly agreed to let Lorelai drive, but only because his head was pounding so damn hard. When they pulled into the parking lot, she tried to ease the tension.

"See...we're both still alive. I got us here safe and sound." She teased.

He glanced over at her and nodded once, "Yeah."

She sighed and opened the truck door, "Just want your duffel?"

Luke nodded and got out of the truck, "I've got it." He cringed again and she gasped, "I'm fine."

She gripped the back of the truck, "Luke, do you think you need to see a doctor?"

He sighed and shook his head, "No. No...I'll be fine after I get some more rest. We were up late last night."

She blushed, "We were…"

He grabbed his bag, "Lorelai." She took the hint and looked back at him, "I don't regret it. Not for one second."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, "Yeah?"

He nodded, "I promise."

Somehow those words brought back terrible memories of promises broken. But she wanted to believe that this time around things were going to be different. She had to give him the benefit of the doubt. So she nodded, gave him a gentle smile and grabbed her own bag from the back of the truck.

Together, they walked into the foyer just as the rain really began to settle in. Walking up to the front desk, Luke rubbed the spot between his eyes as he took out his wallet. "Uh hi." He said to the man standing there, "We'd like two rooms."

The man frowned, "I'm afraid we only have one room left as of right now."

Luke looked up, "One room?"

The man nodded, "Lots of people traveling right now. We may have more once people check out later...but it's early. There's only one room left."

Luke turned to Lorelai, "Uh…"

Lorelai shook her head, "Um, that's no problem." She tried to smile, "We'll take it. Two beds or one?"

The man looked at the computer, "One." He saw the nervous expression wash over them, "I could arrange for them to bring you a cot or-"

"No." Lorelai said with a smile, "No that won't be necessary. We can check back in later to see if there are any more available rooms."

The man nodded, "Alright. Let's get you checked in then. Can I have a credit card please?"

Luke slid his card over to the man and then turned to Lorelai, "Lorelai-"

She shook her head, "I think that you should get some rest Luke. I may venture out a little for awhile if that's alright with you."

He frowned, "Alone?"

She smiled at his obvious concern, "I was thinking of doing some shopping. I figured you could avoid that. I had to promise Michel I'd get him something fabulous since I was taking off with such short notice."

Luke smiled, "Yeah I can imagine he didn't take that very well."

She shook her head, "He's taking three weeks off around Christmas in New Years to go to Switzerland." She rolled her eyes but smiled, "But I think it was worth it."

He smiled softly, "I hope so."

She smiled, reached out and gave his hand a squeeze and waited for them to be shown to their room. Once inside, Lorelai placed her bags down in the corner of the room and turned to see Luke standing awkwardly by the bed.

She saw the slow rise and fall of his shoulders and sighed, "You alright?"

He turned to her, "Tired…"

She nodded once and stepped back over to him, "You should get some rest. I'll be back in a few hours."

He frowned, "I don't like you going out by yourself."

She smiled, "I'll be safe. Just some shopping." Tentatively, she lifted her hand and touched his cheek, "I won't do anything fun and exciting without you. I promise."

He let out a little breath, closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, "Lorelai…"

She pulled her hand back, fighting the urge to kiss him, "You should get your rest."

He wanted to pull her close again, but he needed to talk to her before he let himself cross that line with her. But before that, he needed some rest to dull this ache. The room was spinning again, "You'll call?" He asked.

She smiled and nodded her head, "If I need you, yes." She squeezed his arm, "Same goes for you, right?"

He smiled gently and sighed, "I always need you Lorelai…"

She blushed, "Do you need me to stay?" She cocked her head to the side, "I just...I didn't want to distract you while you rest."

He sighed and shook his head, "No. No you should go. No sense in you wasting your day away with me."

She beamed up at him, "It wouldn't be a waste if I was with you."

He smiled and stepped back, "You should go before I change my mind."

She giggled a little, "Luke-"

"I'm good." He said softly, "Just need a little nap. All those years of waking up before the sunrise must have caught up with me."

She smirked at him, "I told you it was bad for you."

He laughed and shook his head, "Go ahead and shop crazy lady."

She laughed and stepped back, "You sure you're okay?"

He nodded, "I'm good...I'm really good Lorelai."

And somehow she really believed he meant that. She smiled, slipped her purse over her shoulder and grabbed the umbrella she had brought in with her too. Stepping out of the room she sighed and leaned against the door, willing her heart to stop doing somersaults in her chest. He had a way of making that happen...it had been a while but it was still there. The feeling was still there. She smiled and pushed herself to move forward, ready to see what the day ahead held for her.

* * *

Inside the room, Luke dimmed the lights, stripped out of his clothes and climbed into the shower. The water beat down on him and he braced his hands on the cool tile walls. He groaned and grimaced as the pain escalated again. Once he realized that this wasn't going to help, he climbed out and slipped on a pair of clean boxers.

Practically collapsing in bed, he closed his eyes wishing that things were different. But they weren't. This was his reality. And today when she came back...he had to tell her.

He sighed and let his eyes open up a crack staring up at the dark ceiling. He thought of a night when she had interrupted him in his sleep and wished he had done things differently.

* * *

 _CUT TO LUKE'S DINER - UPSTAIRS._

 _[Lorelai approaches Luke's apartment door. No light shines from within, as she knocks. After a long pause, she bends closer to peer through the frosted glass. After another pause, the door opens. A groggy-looking Luke stands there in a t-shirt and sweat pants]_

 _LUKE: Hey._

 _LORELAI: Grabbed us a little victory champagne, and I thought - you were asleep._

 _LUKE: Oh, no, no. I was just, uh, doing some bills and things._

 _LORELAI: Doing bills?_

 _LUKE: Yeah._

 _LORELAI: In the dark?_

 _LUKE: Trying to - conserve._

 _LORELAI: So, when you went up earlier, you were going to bed. [Luke smiles sleepily] You go to bed early, which makes sense, because you get up early. And, ugh - now I got it._

 _LUKE: Hey, it's no big deal. Just come on in, we'll, uh..._

 _LORELAI: [leans over and kisses him tenderly] No, I can hold on to this till later._

 _LUKE: Yeah?_

 _LORELAI: Yeah. Good night. [mutters to self] "Goes to bed early," I gotta remember that._

 _[Luke leans against the door frame shifting his weight]_

 _LUKE: Only on some nights._

 _LORELAI: Hey, don't you also hate champagne? [holds up glasses]_

 _LUKE: Kind of._

 _LORELAI: Yeah. [ Sighs ] I'm learning, I'm learning._

 _[She gives him another kiss before exiting, leaving him standing alone in his doorway. Sleepily, he turns and stumbles back inside.]_

* * *

Moments after she had left he had regretted his decision. He wished he had dragged her inside and pulled her flush against his body. He almost wished he had done that today. But it wouldn't be right. He had to open up to her first. Had to tell her the truth.

He owed her that.

He had regretted letting her go that night and had more than made up for it the following night. Today he regretted keeping so many damn secrets from her. They seemed to be mounting by the day. He sighed and put his arm over his face, willing the pain to subside so he could think clearly and decide how to finally tell her the truth…

* * *

Lorelai hummed softly to herself as she walked up and down the quiet street of the town they were visiting. It was sprinkling out, more substantial rain seemed to be eminent but for now she was content. She held the umbrella over her head and sipped on the coffee she had purchased with the other. Peeking into store windows, she felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she sighed happily.

As she stared into a vintage book store, her phone rang in her pocket. Assuming it was either Luke or Rory, she didn't bother to check the ID before answering, "Hello?" She practically sang into the phone.

 _"Lorelai Gilmore!"_ A voice barked into the phone " _Where on Earth are you?"_

Lorelai cringed, she knew she had forgotten something before leaving town, "Uh...hi Mom."

 _"Hi Mom? Hi Mom? Dozens of unanswered calls and a missed Friday Night Dinner which you suggested and all I get is hi Mom?" S_ he scoffed.

Lorelai tilted her head back and sighed, "Mom I'm sorr-"

 _"I made your Father break into your home last night. Your Jeep was there and when you didn't answer I went into full panic mode. If it wasn't for that short little neighbor of yours running after us I would have called the damn national guard!"_ She shrieked.

"Mom I am so sorry I didn't tell you where I was going. It was all so sudden...it slipped my mind. I really wasn't trying to worry you on purpose." She tried to explain.

" _Why is it that I must hear about these big life moments from strangers Lorelai? You've gone cross country with Luke Danes? The Luke Danes? The very man that shattered your heart into a million pieces?"_ She yelled.

"I know it sounds crazy. And it is...it is crazy. But he came and asked me to go with him and after some careful consideration-" She started.

 _"Careful consideration and refusal to tell your parents."_ Emily mumbled back.

She frowned, "Yes...after careful consideration and refusal to tell my parents I decided that this was something I needed to do. I'm sorry if I scared you. It wasn't my intention."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few brief moments before Emily whispered, " _Lorelai...what are you doing with him?"_

The sudden burst of happiness she had felt the night before with Luke's admission seemed to dwindle quickly, "Mom…"

 _"In all the years I've known you...I've never seen you as devastated as you were after he hurt you. You were a shell of the woman that I know."_ Lorelai swore she heard a sniffle on the other end of the phone, " _To run across country with him? What are you thinking?"_

The rain suddenly began to pick up again, "Mom can you hang on a minute? I need to step into a shop. It's starting to rain here." She heard Emily sigh but took that as a yes as she settled into another little cafe, shook of the rain and settled into a corner booth, "Look I know that it sounds crazy. And it is crazy. I thought he was crazy or even suggesting it in the first place...in fact I almost didn't even come."

 _"And yet you did decide to go. You're there now."_ She paused, _"Actually where are you now?"_

"We just left Devil's Tower in South Dakota. Heading off to Yellowstone soon I believe. All part of the big plan." She said with a sigh.

 _"Big plan?_ " Emily questioned, " _Lorelai please don't tell me you're planning on marrying the man on this little trip of yours? After everything he put you through?"_

"I put him through a lot too Mother." She said rather defensively, "But no...no that's not what I meant. That's not part of the plan."

 _"Well then what plan are you referring to Lorelai? Do I at least get to know that?"_ Emily quipped.

Lorelai sighed and rubbed her hands against the cool wooden table, "Luke's Mother had always wanted to take the family on a cross country trip. But she got sick and passed away before they could do it. Years later when Luke's Dad was diagnosed, Luke and his father wanted to give it a try. They mapped out a route and everything. But when they were supposed to leave...William collapsed. He never came home after that and they never got to go on the trip."

She heard her Mother inhale slowly, " _My...that's…"_ She paused, " _That's awful."_

"I know. And when we were together...he mentioned it to me once. I told him I'd love to go with him if it was still something he wanted to do. Honestly, I forgot about it after all this time. But after I had dropped off Rory at the airport, Luke showed up at the house with the map. He had come across it in his apartment and decided he wanted to go. And he asked me to go with him…" Lorelai explained.

" _Didn't he realize that was quite a tall order after everything that has happened between you two?"_ She asked.

"Yes. He knew it was a lot to ask. He told me to take my time and think about it. And if I wanted to go...to meet him in a few days. So I thought about it...dwelled on it. Consulted Rory. And I realized despite how scared I was...I'd rather take the jump than always wonder what could have happened if I went." She explained.

Emily paused again before whispering, " _You have always been quite fearless."_

Lorelai smirked, "You used to call it reckless. Not fearless."

Emily chuckled slightly, " _Yes well maybe it's a bit of both."_

Lorelai sighed, "I know it sounds crazy...I still have a hard time believe I am here some days. But I am. And...and I don't regret it. I feel like I've learned a lot about myself and Luke. Both as individuals and as a couple."

" _So are you a couple again?"_ Emily inquired, " _Is that what this is all about?"_

"I'm not sure…" Lorelai whispered as she poked at the table, "I mean...we've told each other how we feel."

 _"You still love him."_ Emily whispered into the phone, almost startling her daughter.

Lorelai licked her suddenly dry lips, "How-how did you-"

 _"Despite our differences Lorelai...I am your Mother. And I know you better than you realize. I've known it for a long time. It became even more evident when you threw yourself into your marriage with Christopher. You were trying to force yourself to get over him. But I could see it in your face. Your heart was still with Luke."_ She said with a sigh.

Lorelai lowered her head, "I know I've screwed up in more ways than I can count. And I know this is probably really hard for you to understand. But...I do love him Mom. I've always loved him."

Emily thought carefully for a moment, " _He planned that party for Rory."_

Lorelai fidgeted in her seat, "Yes...he did. But-"

 _"He showed up when your Father had a heart attack. Let me bark orders at him. Brought you fish sticks."_ She said with a laugh, " _All these years despite all the hurt he's been there for you when you needed him most."_

Lorelai swallowed the growing lump in her throat, "Yes he has."

 _"Because he loves you too."_ Emily answered matter-o-factly, _"All these years he's loved you. I knew that the moment I saw him at Rory's 16th Birthday party. When he was looking at you like…"_ She paused, " _What did I describe it as_?"

Lorelai giggled and wiped at her tears, "A porterhouse steak. Though I must admit that Luke isn't much of a red meat guy. I'd say he looked at me like a salmon filet."

Emily laughed back, _"Yes well...however he looked at you...it was a look of love. That was plain to see."_

Lorelai was quiet for a moment, "You didn't want us to be together."

Emily fidgeted nervously, _"Well sometimes even I can be wrong."_

Lorelai sat up a little straighter, "Are you saying I should be with Luke?"

 _"I'm saying that if you feel that this is what's right...then I'll support it. However…"_ She trailed off.

Lorelai swallowed hard, "However?"

 _"However...I will not stand aside and let him hurt you the way he did before Lorelai. If you two are going to be together you need to be careful. Make sure you're on the same page this time. He hid a lot of things from you. Make him talk to you Lorelai. Really talk to you. It's the only way."_ She paused, " _It killed me to see you hurting so badly…"_

"I know." Lorelai whispered, "We both caused a lot of hurt."

 _"Sometimes the one's we love know how to hurt us the most. I think that's the case here. But...I also think that at some point you two made each other happy. Am I right about that?"_ Emily asked.

Lorelai nodded, "Very much so. When it was good...it was so good Mom."

 _"Well then if you think that this is right...then I'll support you. As long as he treats you right. Things will have to change. He'll have to let you into his daughter's life. No more secrets."_ She whispered.

Lorelai was transported to another time, another memory with Luke. A moment that seemed so hypocritical to her now.

* * *

(CUT to Luke's apartment, same night. Luke is sitting on his armchair drinking a beer, and we hear a knock on the door)

LUKE: Come in. (Lorelai enters holding a plate and approaches him)

LORELAI: OK, see...Once we're married, you're not going to be able to run away to your clubhouse anymore. You're going to have to join a rotisserie baseball league with the rest of the men.

LUKE: When we're married, huh? Gee, when's that going to be?

LORELAI: I brought you something to eat. You're going to need sustenance if we're going to go another 10 rounds.

LUKE: I'm never going to be okay with Christopher being in your life.

LORELAI: I'm always going to have Christopher in my life.

LUKE: Yeah.

LORELAI: (sits on the coffee table opposite Luke and puts the plate down) He is... Rory's father. I can't change that. Today was the first day I heard Christopher's voice in a year, and I would have told you.

LUKE: We can't hide things from each other.

LORELAI: I know.

LUKE: I'm not going to like it when Christopher calls, but we have to tell each other everything.

LORELAI: Agreed.

LUKE: That's the only way this is going to work.

LORELAI: I know.

LUKE: You really hate the bedroom set?

LORELAI: Oh, I really hate the bedroom set. But I'm sorry I told you like that.

LUKE: Yeah, well... (takes a deep breath) So, how are Sookie and Jackson doing?

LORELAI: I think they enjoyed watching a show for once that didn't have la-la playing the guitar.

LUKE: Come here.

LORELAI: (sliding over to sit on Luke's lap) I want a barbie and a pony and roller skates and roller skates for the barbie and for the pony. (they kiss)

LUKE: No secrets?

LORELAI: Cross my heart and hope to die.

LUKE: Oh, I hate that saying.

LORELAI: No secrets. (they kiss again) Luke.

LUKE: (gives her peck on the lips) Yeah?

LORELAI: When I was in fifth grade, I told everybody Erik Estrada was my boyfriend and that we used to make out on his motorcycle.

LUKE: Shh. (they kiss again)

 _"Lorelai?_ " A voice stirred Lorelai from her memory, " _Lorelai are you even listening to me?"_

Lorelai shook her head, "Sorry Mom. I'm here. I was just...thinking."

 _"I know you don't always agree with me. But...I am just trying to look out for you. I do think that this trip was a bit rash but I can understand why it felt right. At least in some respect. But...please, please make sure the two of you are on the same page."_ Emily pleaded with her daughter.

Lorelai smiled, for the first time in a long time she could truly feel the concern in her Mother's voice. It wasn't about not approving of Luke. It was about wanting what was best for her daughter. Wanting to make sure she was happy and safe. And that felt good…

"I hear you. And I know you're right. We're taking it slow." Lorelai answered, "We agreed there was a lot to discuss."

 _"Well good...that's smart."_ Emily agreed, " _I just wish you would have told me you were leaving. It really did frighten me Lorelai."_

"I'm sorry Mom. I really didn't mean to keep you in the dark. I truly did just jump into this. It was never intentional." She tried to explain.

 _"Well alright...I'll believe you."_ She said with a sigh, " _Only if you keep me updated from now on."_

Lorelai smiled, "I will. I'll call you regularly. I promise."

 _"Well good."_ She paused for a moment, " _Tell Luke your Father and I said hello."_

Lorelai smiled, "Okay. I will. Tell Dad thanks for attempting to break into my house to look for me."

Emily sighed, " _Yes well...someone has to look out for you."_

Lorelai know that that was her Mother's way of saying that she loved her daughter, "I'll call you soon, okay?"

 _"Very well. Travel safely Lorelai. We'll talk soon."_ She hung up the phone.

Lorelai closed her phone and placed it down on the counter. She spun it around on the table and thought carefully. Luke had hid so much from her. Despite his no secrets pledge, he had kept a huge secret from her for nearly two months. She had to admit that that still hurt.

Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair and hoped that they could fix this. They had too. She wouldn't be here if she didn't believe that she could. Another memory washed over her, the first time she felt that he had kept something from her. Only then...it was something quite positive.

* * *

 _(CUT to Luke's apartment, same night. Lorelai & Luke are lying in bed. Lorelai is about ready to fall asleep. Luke is sitting up, looking a bit anxious)_

 _LORELAI: Was this mattress always this comfortable?_

 _LUKE: I think so._

 _LORELAI: It feels so much more comfortable. We should drink Zima and have sex every single night._

 _LUKE: OK._

 _LORELAI: OK. Goodnight._

 _LUKE: Night. (Luke waits a beat and starts in full rant mode) So I said "What about the kids?", I didn't mean "What about our kids?". I mean yes obviously "What about *OUR* kids?". But I didn't mean we had to have any kids, cause we don't, but we can, I just didn't want you to think that I was laying down some kind of a mandate, I mean kids it's plural so it sounds like a lot, but we can just have one kid, one's fine, or more if you want more, or we don't have to have any kids. We could just get a plant._

 _LORELAI: (sleepy) What?_

 _LUKE: Nothing._

 _LORELAI: OK._

 _LUKE: I bought a house, Twickham House. I bought it for us, I don't have it any more, I could probably get it back, but I just thought you should know that I bought it. For the kids that we don't have to have. It's a big house and we don't have to fill it up with kids, we could get furniture, you know, go shopping for a couch or get some end tables. I hate shopping for furniture. For me kids are easier._

 _LORELAI: (still sleepy) I love shopping._

 _LUKE: Go to sleep._

 _LORELAI: OK._

 _LUKE: Is this really happening?_

 _LORELAI: Yes it's really happening. (Luke starts to lie down. Lorelai suddenly is awake) You bought a house without telling me?_

 _LUKE: What?_

 _LORELAI: A house? I mean a house is huge!_

 _LUKE: Yeah, I know that's why I told you._

 _LORELAI: A house full of kids?_

 _LUKE: And a plant! Don't forget the plant._

 _LORELAI: Please don't do that, OK? I mean any other address or life changing decisions, please include me in._

 _LUKE: I will! I am! I'm sorry! I won't! I will._

 _LORELAI: OK._

 _(they settle back in bed not facing each other)_

 _LUKE: Sorry._

 _LORELAI: Kids would be good._

 _(they both smile)  
_

* * *

Kids. Kids with Luke. A home with Luke.

Despite everything terrible that they had put each other through, she wanted that future. She really did. She wanted to be his wife. She wanted to be the Mother of his children. A Step-Mother to April. Him a Step-Father to Rory. She wanted that future. But was it possible after everything that they had put each other through?

God she hoped so.

Standing up, she decided to resume her shopping until it was time to go back and meet Luke at the hotel. She was hoping that by the time she got back he would be feeling better...they had a lot to talk about.

Little did she know that there was more to discuss than she was prepared for.

A few hours later, Luke woke up in the dim room just as the door to the hotel room quietly creaked open. She hadn't woken him up. He had woken up on his own...as if he sensed her. He took a deep breath and noticed that the pain had dulled at least slightly. Sitting up, he saw her smile nervously as she stepped into the room, only carrying one bag.

"Sorry...did I wake you up?" She asked softly placing it down on the ground beside her.

Luke shook his head and yawned, "No. No...you didn't."

She stood by the end of the bed, "They uh...they don't have another free room. I just checked."

Luke yawned, "Oh...well I can get a cot or-"

She walked over to him, "Luke?"

He lifted his head to look at him, "Hm?"

"How's your head?" She asked, nervously sitting on the side of the bed, "Did the nap help?"

Luke sighed and tentatively reached for her hand, "A little…"

She squeezed his hand in hers, "My Mother called...she wasn't so happy that I was half way across the country and hadn't bothered to let her know."

Luke cringed, "You didn't tell them?"

She sighed and shook her head, "It all happened so fast...It didn't even occur to me. I feel bad."

He sighed and looked up at her, "I bet she isn't happy you're with me."

She smiled gently, "She took it better than I would have expected. She just...wanted to make sure that I had thought this all through. She...she saw how hurt I was by what happened."

"Oh." He whispered softly, rubbing her hand in his, "I can understand that. She's your Mom."

She took a deep breath, "Yes she is. She wants what's best for me." She paused for a moment then whispered, "Luke? Are we on the same page?"

He looked at her anxiously, feeling his heart pound in his chest, "Lorelai…"

"I just...I keep thinking about that night you made me promise we would have no more secrets." Tears welled up in her eyes and she looked down at their joined hands, "I just...I can't shake the feeling that that was so hypocritical. I have to know...I have to know that we're on the same page here. That we understand each other. That if we try this...if we both want to try this then things will be different."

He swallowed hard, it was now or never, "You're right. It was hypocritical of me. I was wrong and I am sorry for that. And...I want us on the same page. Which is why I need to tell you this now."

Her heart flip flopped and something told her that what she was about to hear was not good, "Umm...okay? Wh-What is it?"

He sighed and lifted his hand to rub the space between his eyes, "I haven't been totally honest with you about the reason for this trip. Or well part of the reason anyway…"

She licked her lips, "I don't understand…"

He looked up at her, "My headache today...there was a reason for it."

She squeezed his hand, "Luke I-"

"They have been pretty persistent over the last few months." He sighed and looked down again, "I assumed it had to do with stress...about how I was feeling about you and me. But...but the day Rory left I was so dizzy. I thought I'd faint...so I went to see a doctor."

Suddenly she knew what he was going to say before he could get the chance to say it, "No."

He felt her slipping away and he squeezed her hand, "They found a-"

"No." She said pulling her hand away from his and jumping off the bed, "No!"

He sighed and pushed the sheet off of him, "Lorelai please just listen-"

"No. You're fine." She said shaking her head back and forth, "You're fine. They found nothing. You are the healthiest damn person I know."

He sighed and took a gentle step towards her, "Lorelai they found a tumor in my brain."

She whimpered and turned her back on him, placing a hand over her mouth, "No. No. No. No."

He felt his lip tremble as he stepped towards her, "Hey…"

She felt nauseous, "You're lying. You're lying!"

"I'm not." He said sadly, "God I wish I was. I so wish I was. But it's true. I don't know...if it's cancerous or not yet. I left...that was the day that I came to get you. I just panicked. I still have to have more tests. But the headaches are still here and-"

She spun around towards him, "How could you do this?"

He swallowed hard, here it was, he deserved it but it wasn't going to make it any easier, "Lorelai-"

"You've known this whole fucking time." She said as she began to cry freely, "You knew about this and kept it from me?"

His hands fell to his sides, "I know. I know it was wrong. I didn't...I didn't intend to wait but it was so hard."

"You didn't intend to wait? Just like you didn't intend to wait to tell me about April?" She spat at him, "Mr. No secrets seems to have a hell of a lot of secrets bottled up inside of him doesn't he?"

He hung his head, "You're right. I'm in the wrong. But this...this was so hard Lorelai. I'm terrified and-"

"And you thought you'd string me along like this? Let me think we had a future again only to have the rug ripped out from under me?" She screamed, "How could you?"

The pain in her voice made him begin to shake, "I just...I tried. I was going to but then I felt us getting closer and I got scared. And I didn't want to hurt you and-"

"Didn't want to hurt me?" She said with a little laugh, "You kept something from me Luke. Something huge. Again. You're killing me right now!"

He cringed and stepped towards her, "I wish I could take it all back. I should have told you that day when I showed up at your house but I was so scared. None of it made sense. They told me the news and all I wanted was to see you. And then everything happened so fast-"

"You had plenty of opportunities to tell me." She said with a sniffle, "Last night being one of them when I bared my soul to you." She hung her head and laughed bitterly, "God I'm such an idiot."

"No." He whispered walking over to her again, he tried to reach for her hand but she yanked it away, "No you aren't. I meant what I said last night. I never stopped loving you. I want to make this work. I-"

"If you never stopped loving me," She started lifting her head to glare at him, "You would never be able to hurt me this way again."

He stepped back, "Lorelai I am so sorry."

She shook her head, "I have to go."

Her words hung between them and they both shivered thinking about the last time she had said them and what had happened afterwards…

* * *

LORELAI: Why not, Luke? Don't you love me?

LUKE: You know I do.

LORELAI: But I love you, Luke. I love you. But I have waited, and I have stayed away, and I have let you run this thing, and no more. I asked you to marry me, and you said yes.

LUKE: Yeah, I'm just trying to think here.

LORELAI: We fixed up the house, right? We have a bigger closet, and I didn't get the purple wallpaper because you didn't want the purple wallpaper. And if it's between you and the purple wallpaper, I pick you!

LUKE: I didn't tell you not to get the purple wallpaper.

LORELAI: Oh my God you didn't like it.

LUKE: I don't care about wallpaper!

LORELAI: Do you care about me?

LUKE: Yes!

LORELAI: Because I'm going crazy here. I made a commitment to you, and I need to make it happen.

LUKE: It will, it will happen, okay? I just have April to consider.

LORELAI: But once we're married, everything with April will be fine. Anna said so.

LUKE: Anna said so, what does that mean?

LORELAI: When I talked to Anna…

LUKE: When did you talk to Anna?

LORELAI: After the party…

LUKE: I didn't know you talked to Anna, you weren't supposed to talk to Anna.

LORELAI: I know. I'm sor… God, no! I'm not gonna defend myself! For months now, I've been skulking around not saying anything, not having an opinion, like I'm Clarence Thomas or something, and I… I'm done with that. I-I've been waiting for a long time, and I don't want to wait anymore.

LUKE: I have to think this through.

LORELAI: No!

LUKE: I have April!

LORELAI: You're gonna have to figure out how April fits into our lives, not the other way around.

LUKE: I'm trying.

LORELAI: Well, try married!

LUKE: Just wait!

LORELAI: No! I'm not waiting! It's now or never!

LUKE: I don't like ultimatums!

LORELAI: I don't like Mondays, but unfortunately they come around eventually.

LUKE: I can't just jump like this.

LORELAI: Well, I'm sorry to hear that. [Sniffles] And I have to go.

* * *

She turned to walk away. To leave the room. Unable to look at him in the moment. But unlike before, he seemed to find his voice. He knew what the consequences could be and this time he was ready to fight.

"Don't go." He said in a stronger voice than he expected.

She faltered for a moment, her outstretched hand shook as it tried to reach for the door to run. She wanted to hate him. She wanted to hurt him the way he was hurting her. But it was all so screwed up in her head.

"Don't go." He said again, "Please don't go."

She whimpered softly, hand against her lips, "Luke-"

"I let you walk away once before. That was the worst mistake of my life. If this is it for me...if this is-" He started.

She shook her head, "God stop!"

"I can't live with anymore regrets. And I am standing here right now begging you not to go." His voice cracked as he spoke.

She reached for the doorknob again, "Luke I have too-"

"Please don't leave me." He begged, "Please Lorelai. Please." She didn't move and he took it as a hopeful sign, "I meant what I said that day when I finally got it together. My life isn't real unless you're in it and I'm sharing it with you. I just...I need you. Okay? I've always needed you. I know what I've done is terrible...I should have been honest from the beginning but I was scared. I'm still scared...I'm terrified and I'm telling you I need you."

She bit her lip, "Luke please…"

"If this is...If I'm…" He let out a shaky breath, "If I don't have you beside me I'm not sure I can fight it."

She turned to look at him, eyes wide, "Luke I-"

"Please." He begged again, "Please don't leave me. Please Lorelai."

She stared at him then, never remembering him looking as vulnerable as he did in front of her. He stood before her in just his boxers, a sight she had seen before. And yet he looked so different. So fragile. So unsure. So frightened and alone. The shell of the man she had fallen in love with him.

It occurred to her that in this time apart he too had ached for her. Felt the bitterness and agony of losing his best friend. She had tried to tell herself that with April he was fine without her. Yet here he stood, begging her to stay with him. Was it just about the potential tumor? The one he had been hiding from her?

She cringed and looked at the door again, but she heard him whisper her name one last time. A final plea of desperation. And in that moment...something in her snapped. Some piece of the woman she used to be. The woman he had loved. The woman he still loved. And as angry as she was. As frightened of the unknown as she felt…she couldn't leave him now.

She took a deep breath, took three strides up to him and instantly wrapped her arms around him. He looked startled, eyes wide, breath heavy on her face as he waited patiently for a way to understand, "You aren't allowed to die." She said.

Her words hit him like a ton of bricks and he was only able to nod, "Okay?"

She held his face firmly in hers, "Do you hear me? You aren't allowed to die Luke Danes."

He took a deep breath, "Okay."

She felt the tears coming and she nodded once before whispering, "Okay."

After that she crushed her lips to his and was lost in all that he was…

* * *

 **READ ON IN THE M SECTION FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER ;)**


	8. Part 7

**Hi all! Life is pretty hectic at the moment - but I have not given up on this story! This chapter isn't to long, it's more of a place to get us to the next phase. We'll call this a transition chapter after the emotional ride last time. If you didn't read the M chapter extension, you may have missed some of the emotion. But this is the aftermath and how they are dealing with it. Lots of flashbacks, and realizations. More to come soon. Thanks!**

* * *

Luke woke up the next morning to the sound of the rain beating hard on the window. It was clear that the storm had gotten worse throughout the night. If he was being honest, he hadn't noticed much after she pressed herself against him. It seemed as though the world had stopped and nothing but the two of them had mattered.

He had felt her slipping away again, and he couldn't blame her for being upset with him. He had lied to her. Again. She had every right to be upset. But he couldn't and wouldn't let her walk away. He would have chased after her if he had too, but thankfully she had stayed.

Their reunion was quick and emotionally charged, raw and intense. But it felt so right to hold her in his arms. To become one again. He just hoped that when she woke up this morning...she wouldn't regret what had happened.

The room was quite dim, and shadows danced across the walls as the rain fell down the glass window panes. He turned to his left and her sprawled out beside him. Laying on her stomach, her arms were on either side of her head, her face tilted towards him as she breathed softly. Her long dark curls cascaded down her back where the sheet rested just above her hips. The familiarness of her pulled at his heartstrings, and the pain of the last year washed over him in an instant.

How many mornings had he woken up hoping to see her beside him like this again? How many nights had he fallen asleep, assuming it was all a nightmare, assuming she'd be right there when he opened his eyes again. Yet every time...he woke up alone. And every time the pain hit him full force again.

But now here she was.

And here he was.

And he had to believe that it wasn't too late to make it all right…

As if she sensed that his mind was reeling beside her, her eyes fluttered open gently. He reached a hand out and pushed some hair out of her beautiful face, "Hey…" He whispered.

She blinked a few times, adjusting to her surroundings, "Hi…" She mumbled in raspy, sleep filled voice.

He curled his arm up under his head and move his other hand from her face to her back, rubbing it gently, "How did you sleep?"

She turned, pulling the sheet up to cover herself, "Okay…" She paused then shivered at his touch. "What about you?"

He sighed and scooted closer to her, "Honestly? Better than I have in the last year."

She instantly felt tears begin to pool in her eyes, "Luke…"

He watched her bite her lip, the usual signal that she was trying hard to be strong, "Don't cry."

She squeezed her eyes closed, and a tear escaped still, "I don't want you to be sick."

He sighed and pulled her into his arms, "Shh…" He whispered rocking her gently, "I'm going to be fine."

She clung to his arms, "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

He shook his head and pressed a kiss to her temple, "No it wasn't."

She sighed and scooted away from him, needing to breathe, "My head is spinning." She sat up and looked out the window, "What time is it?"

He pressed his hand to her back again, unwilling to break all physical contact from her, "A little before 8am."

She frowned, "It looks nasty out there…"

Luke rubbed circles along her lower back, "We can stay here. No need to get back on the road right away."

She turned to him, and chewed on her lip again, "Luke…"

He took a deep breath and sat up, something in the way she said his name made him wonder if this was the end of the road, quite literally. "Lorelai?"

She stared at him for a moment, "Luke you need to go home."

He froze, "Lorelai no-"

She shook her head, "You need to talk to a Doctor."

He pulled at the sheet around his waist, "No."

She sighed, knowing how much he hated Doctors, "Luke you said you left without getting any real answers. We need to know what's going on."

He stepped off the bed and reached for his discarded boxers, "I'm not going back."

She sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Luke…"

"We have already come so far. It's not time to go back. I want to finish this trip." He said turning towards her, hands on hips, "That was the plan."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "Yes well I didn't know the backstory behind this plan which in my mind changes everything."

The bitterness in her voice hit him in the gut, "Lorelai…"

She shook her head, "Luke this is huge. And you made a promise to me last night…" Her eyes welled up with tears, "And unless you plan on breaking a promise to me again-'

"I don't!" He said rather urgently, he saw her jump at how loud he spoke, he sighed and sat beside her on the bed, he reached for her hand, "I don't. And I won't."

She squeezed his hand, "Then we need to face this."

He hung his head, "I'm not ready."

"Yeah well neither am I but you have too." She said with a frown.

He lifted his head, "Can't we finish the trip first? Nothing is going to change between now and then. They said they'd call if they thought it was urgent."

She sighed and threw her blanket off of her this time, "Damn it Luke."

He watched her frantically reach for her clothes, "Lorelai-"

"Is this some sort of game to you?" She asked pulling her shirt over her head, "Are you fucking with me now?"

He cringed, here comes the anger he thought. Well deserved anger but still, it was going to be a battle, "Lorelai-"

"How could you do this to me?" She asked throwing her hands up angrily, she stood before him in a t-shirt and her underwear, "How could you drag me all the way out here without telling me this huge life altering piece of information!?"

He hung his head, "I told you...I was scared."

She shook her head, "That's not a good enough answer Luke."

He lifted his head, "Well it's the only one I've got."

"Bullshit." She said, hands on hips, eyes boring into his.

His eyebrow lifted, "Excuse me?"

"Bullshit." She said again challenging him, "I'm calling bullshit."

His mouth set in a straight line and he stood up, "Well what would you have done if you were in my shoes?"

"I wouldn't have dragged you out into the middle of nowhere and let you think we have a future before dropping a major bombshell on you!" She screamed.

"No. You'd just screw your ex to get back at me, right?" He screamed.

Her eyes flushed with rage, "At least I was honest! At least I didn't lie and keep that from you! I told you because you deserved to know!"

He laughed bitterly, "Oh because that makes it so much better Lorelai?"

"You know what?" She said with a little laugh, "You can be mad at me still Luke. If that will make you happy. If that makes you feel better than fine...be mad at me. But you are the one that's repeatedly lied in this relationship. Mr. No secrets is a big fat hypocrite." She pointed to her chest, "Yes I have my faults. Yes I screwed up. But you did too."

He sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, "Shit…" He put his head in his hands, the pounding started, "Shit. Shit. Shit."

She wanted to be angry still. She wanted to hate him. Wanted to walk out the door and never see his face again. But she knew she wasn't strong enough to do that. Her love and worry for him outweighed the anger and pain she felt. So she sat down beside him and reached for his hand, "Why didn't you tell me Luke?" She whispered again softly.

He sighed and turned his head to her, "Because if I said it outloud it all had to be true."

She frowned, "I don't understand."

He looked at her with such sad eyes, it broke her heart, "I'm afraid to die."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, "Oh Luke…"

He shook his head,"I feel like I've lived in this little bubble. Always eat the right foods...exercise. Don't stray from the norm. I thought it would guarantee that I wouldn't turn out like my parents."

"Luke…" She grimaced and reached for his arm, "That's not-"

He nodded, "I know how it's not how these things work. It's just so frustrating. I feel like I've wasted all this time." He turned to her and frowned, "We've wasted all this time…"

She looked down at her lap, "I know."

"If I hadn't pushed you away we could be married by now. Maybe you'd be pregnant. Maybe our life would have-" He was frantic now.

She looked up again, "We could play this game all day Luke but it won't change anything."

He took a deep strained breath and nodded, looking down he reached for her hand, "I know. And that makes it hurt more. But…"

"But what?" She asked leaning into him, letting her anger subside slowly to show she was with him, "But what?"

He sighed with relief when he felt her so close, knowing she wasn't giving up on him just yet, "I'm afraid of what happens when we go home."

"You mean with the treatments?" She asked curiously. "I know you hate hospitals. But-"

"That yes but...but it's more than that." He whispered softly, taking a chance to meet her gaze.

She shook her head, "I don't under-" She paused when she saw the look on his eyes, "Oh. With us."

Luke nodded, "With us. Out here we're away from all our old problems. But...when we go back."

"When we go back they'll still be there." She said with a nod, "I know. I've thought about that too."

He sighed, "I know that I don't have the right to say it but...but I'm going to anyway."

She fidgeted in her seat for a moment, "Okay?"

He licked his lips and looked directly at her, "I don't think I can do this without you." He saw her frown softy, "I don't think I can fight this if I don't have you beside me."

She sighed and quickly leaned forward, wrapping her arms tightly around him, "Oh Luke."

He buried his face in her neck, "I'm scared."

She rubbed a hand up his back, and one into his hair, massaging his scalp, "I know. I know you are. And I am too…" She pulled away and rested her forehead against his, "But I'm going to be there beside you."

He let his eyes open slowly, "Even though you're still mad at me?"

She sighed and pulled back, she touched his face, "I am hurt that you didn't tell me until now…"

He cringed slowly, "Then this is probably a bad time to say that I told Rachel first?"

She leaned back for a moment as if he had smacked her, "Oh."

He sighed, "It wasn't planned. I mean never in a million years did I think I'd see her again. But we were talking and she wanted to know what happened with you and I. I mean last time I saw her she told me not to wait to long to tell you how I felt. She was curious as to why we weren't together. So I told her everything."

He was rambling, which was usually her forte and she had to pull away and get off the bed, "Luke."

He couldn't make himself stop talking, "I know it sounds bad but it just happened. I told her. I was starting to panic."

She frowned and looked at him, "That's why she was crying when she left you?"

Luke nodded, "I guess so. Maybe she thought I'd d-" He blushed and looked down, "It was wrong. To her and to you. And I'm sorry."

She took a deep breath and leaned against the dresser across from the bed. All she could hear for a minute was their breathing and the rain beating heavy on the window outside. She turned to look at the rain and mind started to wander. How much time had they lost over the years? How much had they kept from each other? How many moments did they miss to express their feelings? Tell each other what they wanted, what the needed?

* * *

 _LORELAI: Hey, Luke, what did you mean earlier?_

 _LUKE: What are you talking about?_

 _LORELAI: When you got here. You made some comment about me not really having a chick in the house._

 _LUKE: Hmm._

 _LORELAI: I mean, if I didn't have a chick here, why did you think I was calling?_

 _LUKE: No, I thought you were calling about the chick._

 _LORELAI: It didn't seem like it._

 _LUKE: Well maybe it didn't seem like it but it was._

 _LORELAI: Was what?_

 _LUKE: Was what I thought - can we just keep looking?_

 _LORELAI: OK. I just still think that -_

 _LUKE: There she is._

 _LORELAI: Where?_

 _LUKE: There!_

 _(Crash)_

 _LORELAI: Careful._

* * *

 _LORELAI: Hey._

 _LUKE: How'd it go?_

 _LORELAI: Oh, you know, I think Shakespeare will recover._

 _LUKE: That's good._

 _LORELAI: Hey, are you good at dating?_

 _LUKE: What?_

 _LORELAI: Dating, do you have that down?_

 _LUKE: Okay, if this is about that kid, then…_

 _LORELAI: No, it's not about anything, it's just a question._

 _LUKE: Well, I don't know if I have it down. Considering I live with my nephew, I'd say probably not._

 _LORELAI: I don't have it down either. I've never been very good at it really. I've never even really liked it. Too much 'what if'. I like things I can count on. I mean, uh, actually, with Max, it was the first time I was finally like 'Hey, here it is, that one person who will always be there for me.' And then, I turned around, and it's suddenly 'Oops, wrong, keep moving.'_

 _LUKE: Why are you telling me this?_

 _LORELAI: I don't have very many people in my life who are in my life permanently forever. They will always be there for me. I will always be there for them, you know? There's Rory, and Sookie, and this town and ... you. I mean, at least I think I've got..._

 _LUKE: You do._

 _LORELAI: Good. Just checking_

* * *

_LORELAI: Luke, you don't live with Nicole._

 _LUKE: Yes, I do._

 _LORELAI: You watch her TV, you eat her food, you keep stuff in a duffel bag at her house; you're a rude guest, not her boyfriend!_

 _LUKE: Husband._

 _LORELAI: Whole other discussion._

 _LUKE: You know what, you're doing it again._

 _LORELAI: Doing what again?_

 _LUKE: You're passing judgment on my relationship with Nicole._

 _LORELAI: I'm not passing judgment._

 _LUKE: You passed judgment on our marriage, you passed judgment on our divorce and now you're passing judgment on our living together._

 _LORELAI: I'm not passing judgment on you living together. You're passing judgment on you living together… by not living together._

 _LUKE: You know, I was a little tipsy on that cruise ship, but I don't remember anyone pronouncing us husband and wife and Lorelai._

 _LORELAI: Well, they may as well have, because I spend as much time with Nicole as you do._

 _LUKE: And the judgment's back!_

 _LORELAI: I could move in with you guys. You wouldn't know._

 _LUKE: You know, none of this is any of your business._

 _LORELAI: It's absolutely my business._

 _LUKE: How?_

 _LORELAI: Because! I wasted a week of my life adjusting to the idea that you had moved only to find out that you haven't moved._

 _LUKE: How much adjusting did you have to do? Nothing's changed! I still see you everyday, I still cook your food, I still serve your coffee. What do you care?_

 _LORELAI: I care._

 _LUKE: Why?_

 _LORELAI: Because I don't want you to move._

 _LUKE: Why? Why don't you want me to move?_

 _[Lorelai stares at him for a second, but a door opens behind them and Lorelai and Luke lower their heads guiltily. Reverend Skinner walks in.]_

 _REVEREND: Lorelai? Luke? [Sees the tools.] Oh, thank God! Carry on._

* * *

_LUKE [referring to the gift basket]: What's all this stuff?_

 _LORELAI: That is my big, fancy present._

 _LUKE: From who?_

 _LORELAI: From Mike Armstrong._

 _LUKE: Who the hell is Mike Armstrong?_

 _LORELAI: He's my other lover. He owns a diner in Woodbury. I didn't want you to find out this way, but –_

 _LUKE [reading the card]: The Durham Group._

 _LORELAI: Yeah, they're the hotel chain who wants to buy the inn._

 _LUKE: What are they sending you gifts for?_

 _LORELAI: Well, either they're disproportionately worried about my cuticles, or they can't live without me and they are begging me to accept their offer._

 _LUKE: To buy the inn._

 _LORELAI: Yeah. They've been after me ever since that meeting._

 _LUKE: What meeting?_

 _LORELAI: The meeting with Mike Armstrong._

 _LUKE: I didn't know you had a meeting with Mike Armstrong._

 _LORELAI: Yes, you did._

 _LUKE: No I didn't._

 _LORELAI: Yes you did. You told me to have a meeting with Mike Armstrong._

 _LUKE: I know, but you never said anything, so I figured it went away._

 _LORELAI: Oh. Well, I had a meeting with Mike Armstrong._

 _[She heads over to the stairs. Luke follows her, mystified.]_

 _LUKE: And?_

 _LORELAI: And what?_

 _LUKE: And what happened?_

 _LORELAI: Nothing. He talked, I listened. I told him I'd think about it._

 _LUKE: Think about it._

 _LORELAI: Yeah._

 _LUKE: About selling the inn. And then, after you sell the inn, then what?_

 _LORELAI: I'd be like a consultant for their company._

 _LUKE: Is that what you want?_

 _LORELAI: I don't know._

 _LUKE: Are you going to take this job?_

 _LORELAI: Probably not. I'm still mulling._

 _LUKE: Mulling! You're still mulling? She's still mulling!_

 _LORELAI: Why are you so upset?_

 _LUKE: I'm not upset! I just can't believe you're still mulling!_

 _LORELAI: Luke!_

 _LUKE: I mean, you're seriously considering selling the inn and taking this job. I mean, where's their office, anyway?_

 _LORELAI: They've got a bunch of them. I don't know where exactly I'd be._

 _LUKE: Well, shouldn't you ask?_

 _LORELAI: Hello, mulling._

 _LUKE: I mean, they could send you anywhere!_

 _LORELAI: Luke!_

 _LUKE: And then there's all that travel. There's travel, right?_

 _LORELAI: Yes. No, I don't know. What are you freaking out about?_

 _LUKE [hysterical]: Well, what about the kids?_

 _LORELAI: What kids?_

 _LUKE: Uh, nothing. Never mind, forget it. I'm going to – [He points up the stairs.] Fix the window._

 _LORELAI: Luke._

 _LUKE: Room three. Got it._

 _[Lorelai looks after him, stunned.]_

* * *

She shook her head ridding herself of her memories. She could keep going but it would do no good, only make it hurt worse. "You told Rachel."

He looked defeated in his spot on the bed, glancing down he whispered again, "I'm sorry."

She sniffled and wiped a tear away, "What is wrong with us?"

He lifted his head slowly again, "What?"

She shook her head and turned to him, "Maybe we aren't meant to be together."

He felt his heart to about twenty somersaults in his chest as he jumped off the bed, "What?" He repeated again, "What are you talking about? Of course we are. We wouldn't be here right now if we weren't."

She shook her head again, "If we were meant to be with each other...why haven't we been able to be honest with each other? All these years Luke...the back and forth. The almost crossing the line. Then when we finally got together we ruined it more than ever."

He frowned, "We made some mistakes-"

"We tore each other to shreds." She said with a sad laugh, "I'm surprised there's anything left of me Luke. I feel hollow inside. Last night was the first time in almost a year in a half that I felt anything. And even that was pain."

He walked all the way up to her, "Lorelai...we both said last night we'd try. We'd try to make this work."

"But how?" She asked as her voice cracked, "How can we make this work if we can't be honest with each other? How can we make this work when it is easier to go to other people than talk it out together? How Luke? How?"

He started to realize then how much he had hurt her in keeping April from her. How much more he had hurt her by pushing her away once she found out. Creating those boundaries, "I never meant to hurt you the way that I did."

"I know." She whispered sadly, "I think that makes it even worse. I never meant to hurt you either I just...I was out of my mind. Hell maybe I still am. I must be to be here with you now."

Worry crept in and he walked over to her, "Lorelai-"

"How do I know that if I stay here with you...that you won't push me away again when we go home? That you won't use your illness or April or something else as a reason to leave me?" She whispered.

He looked down in shame, "Because I know now that I can't survive without you."

She lifted his chin to force him to look at her, "Luke-"

"Have you ever wondered why I asked you to Liz's wedding?" He asked curiously.

She shook her head to rid herself of the fog, confused by his change in topic, "What?"

He shrugged, "Have you ever wondered why I asked you to go to Liz's wedding with me?"

She sighed and stepped around him, "Luke what does that have to do with anything? We're talking about-"

"Just...have you ever wondered?" He questioned again, she gave him a look, "It has something to do with the self help book you found in Jess's backpack at the wedding." Her eyes went wide and he smiled, "Now are you curious?"

She licked her lips and nodded her head, "I guess…"

He smiled and sat her down on the edge of the bed to explain the story to her.

* * *

 _[Luke locks the door behind Jess and puts the tape on.]_

 _MAN ON CASSETTE: You're a road in need of some repair. If your score is between 30 and 40 points, then you're a road laden with potholes and you need a double striping. And if your score is 40 or above, it's jackhammer time because your road is impassable._

 _LUKE: [sarcastically] Yikes._

 _MAN ON CASSETTE: Chapter 7. Men, a question - what is fantasy? The answer - fantasy is the imaginative fulfillment of your heart's desire. And one of the most common fantasies for single men is the fantasy of your ultimate companion._

 _LUKE: Yada yada yada._

 _MAN ON CASSETTE: Story time. I had a friend - let's call him Phillip - who couldn't make up his mind amongst three different women that he liked. I developed a test for him...and for you._

 _LUKE: [sarcastically] Oh, goody._

 _MAN ON CASSETTE: Whose phone calls or visits are never unwanted or too long? Do you see her face? Who would you most like to have in your life to ward off moments of loneliness? Do you see her face? When you travel, who would make your travels more enjoyable? Do you see her face? When you're in pain, who would you most like to comfort you? Do you see her face? When something wonderful happens in your life - a promotion at work, a successful refinancing - who do you want to share the news with? Do you see her face? Whose face appears to you, my friend? Whose face?_

 _LUKE: Whoa_

* * *

She was eyeing him carefully, trying to understand what he was saying to her. He shrugged sadly and looked her straight in the eye, "It was you Lorelai. It's always been you."

She stared at him intently, "Then what changed?"

He sighed and nodded his head, "I guess I've had a lot of time to think about that. The thing is...I did want to share the news about April with you right away. I was freaking out. But then you were so excited about Rory coming back. And then I think...I think I panicked. I think I thought...you'd finally realize I wasn't good enough."

She furrowed her brow, "Good enough for what?"

"For you." He said with a sad smile, "You could do so much better."

She rolled her eyes, "Luke don't do that…"

"Well it's true! And when I realized I suddenly had this kid, I thought...she's going to realize what a screw up I am. Jam hands freak me out." He said with a huff.

She smiled at him, "She was a little past the jam hands stage."

He huffed, "I should have told you from the start, but I truly did panic. But it always is you I want to share things with. Even after we were apart...there were so many times I wanted to pick up the phone and call you. And hell...a few times I did when it came to April stuff."

She sighed, "Her appendix…"

Luke nodded, "For a moment I selfishly thought we could fix things when you showed up at the hospital that day. But then…"

She cringed, "You saw my rings."

Luke nodded, "I think that's when I finally gave up."

She sighed, feeling her stomach roll, "I feel like I'm on a roller coaster."

Luke nodded, "I called and asked for your help again. With the trial…"

She paused for a moment, "I was happy to help. It infuriated me that after everything Anna had put you through, she was daring to try and take April from you again."

Luke frowned, "Even after everything I had put you through?"

"Luke no matter how mad I was, I never wanted you to lose your daughter. And I was never mad at April. She didn't do anything wrong." She whispered.

LUke smiled, "She asked about you a lot. She liked you…" He sighed, "How could she not like you?"

She frowned, "You seemed to be concerned she'd like me more…"

He sighed, "That was stupid. I know that now."

She stared at him for a moment, "Christopher found the letter you know…"

He turned to her, surprised by her words, "The reference letter?" She nodded, "I didn't know that you didn't tell him about it."

She frowned, "I didn't think he'd take it that well. He was pretty unhappy whenever you're name came up. He had reason to. I tried to play it off like there were no left over feelings. But he didn't believe me. And he sure as hell didn't believe me when he found the letter."

Luke swallowed, "Did you mean it?"

She looked down and remembered what she had written…

* * *

 _JUDGE: Alright now that I've had the opportunity to hear from both sides in this case, I'm going to read some personal references into the court record. The first letter is written on behalf of Mr. Danes by a miss Lorelai Gilmore. This is dated January 9, 2007._

 _"To whom it may concern, In the nearly 10 years that I have known Luke Danes, I have come to know him as an honest and decent man. He's also one of the most kind and caring persons I have ever met."_

 _[Cut to Chris reading the letter, we hear Lorelai's voice.]_

 _LORELAI: "I'm a single mother, and I raised my daughter by myself, but once Luke Danes became my friend in this town, I never really felt alone. Luke and I have had our ups and downs over the years, but through it all, his relationship with my daughter, Rory, has never changed. He's always been there for her no matter what. He was there to celebrate her birthdays. He was there cheering her on at her high school graduation. Luke has been a sort of father figure in my daughter's life. With his own daughter, Luke wasn't given the opportunity to be there for her first 12 years, but he should be given that opportunity now. Once Luke Danes is in your life, he is in your life forever."_

 _[Back to the courtroom, still reading the letter, back to the judge speaking]_

 _JUDGE: "I know from personal experience what an amazing gift that is, and not to allow him access to his daughter" [cut to shot of Luke's reaction] "would be to seriously deprive her of all this man has to offer, and he offers so much. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Lorelai Gilmore."_

 _[Closing shot of Chris finishing the letter.]_

* * *

She smiled softly at him, "I meant every word."

He sighed, "Is that why he-?"

Lorelai nodded, "Part of it anyway. I think it was just the final straw. He knew that my heart wasn't in it. No matter how hard he tried...it wasn't right. It never was and it never will be."

He licked his lips and tentatively reached for her hand, "But we're right Lorelai." She tried to pull away, "Despite our faults...we are right."

"How can we be right if we can hurt each other so badly?" She whispered.

He shrugged, "Don't they say the people we love most end up hurting us the most? They know all the right buttons to push. But it doesn't have to mean it always has to be like that. We can do better. I know we can. We wouldn't be here right now if neither of us wanted to give this another try."

"But you still kept this from me." She whispered, "This huge thing. This thing that could change both of our lives."

"I know." He said with a nod, "But no more. From now on...I'm an open book." She narrowed her eyes at him, "I'll try to be anyway."

She sighed and lay back on the bed, "I'm exhausted."

Luke turned to look at her, "I know. Me too."

She turned her whole body and curled up beside him, "We really can't stay here forever Luke. You know that."

He swallowed hard, "I know. You're right. But I'm not ready to go home just yet either. There is still so much more to see."

She frowned at him, "But you also need to get looked at."

He sighed and lay on his back again, turning away from her, "Lorelai please don't-"

She sat up and stared down at him, forcing him to look her in the eye, "Do you want to be with me?"

Luke reached for her hand and nodded, "You know I do."

"If we're going to make things work...things need to change." She whispered, "On both of our parts. You need to help me help you. You need to be honest with me. And I need to tell you what I'm feeling and not jump to conclusions. And right now I'm telling you that I need to know that health wise you are okay."

He stared at her, "What if we compromise?"

She frowned, "How so?"

"What if we call the Doctor and talk to him? So you know that right now...I can stay here. Then when we have finished the trip we can go home and start treatments. Start our lives again together." He whispered.

She hesitated, unsure of this plan, "But Luke-"

"I don't know what's going to happen next, okay? And if you want me to be honest then I'm telling you I am terrified. More scared than I have ever been in my life. But right now...what I need is you. I want to love you now and not worry about the rest until it's time to go back. I need this. And I need you." He whispered.

She sighed and lay down beside him, "Why does everything have to be so damn complicated?"

He smiled and kissed the top of her head, "Because that's the way life goes." They sat in quiet for a minute, but he squeezed her arm hopefully, "What are you thinking?"

She snuggled further into him, "I'm thinking that I really need some coffee and a bagel."

Luke sighed, "Lorelai...can you be serious. Please?"

She sighed again and sat up, she touched his face gently, "Fine." She traced his jaw with her forefinger, "I'm thinking that if we're going to do this...we need to communicate Luke. Really communicate. About every little thing. I mean it. When I say no more secrets...I mean it. Even if you get bad news from the Doctor...I deserve to know. I need to know. I can't do this halfway. This is it…" She swallowed the lump in her throat, "It could be in more ways than one."

He took her hand and placed it against his heart, "Lorelai."

"When we were talking...all I could think about was the moments we missed out on. The times when we almost shared our feelings but we got to scared. The missed opportunities. You said it yourself...we wasted so much more time. And right now…" She squeezed his hand, "We don't even know how much time we have left."

He frowned, "I know."

"This our last chance to get it right." She whispered, "We have to do better. Be better. No more chances. Do you understand?"

He nodded, "Yes."

She lay back beside him again and turned to see the rain continuing to fall, "But for now...for now I think I'd like to lie here with you until the rain stops."

He wrapped an arm around her and watched her face rather than the rain, "Are we okay?"

She sighed and turned her back to press it up against his, wanting to feel his body heat, "We will be."

He held her close, nuzzling her neck, "Lorelai?"

She hummed softly and sighed, "Hm?"

"You know I love you right?" He whispered, his breath tickling her ear, "I never stopped."

She held his arms tighter and pressed back into him, "I know Luke. I didn't either."

He pressed a kiss to her neck, "No more wasted time."

She nodded in agreement, finding peace in the rain and his arms around her, "No more."

There were still uncertainties. Still questions that needed to be answered. But if this was it...if this was all she had left with him she didn't want to have anymore regrets. There would still be pain...probably even more now that she knew about his illness and what could come. But she had to believe that they could make this work.

She had to stop putting the wall up. She had to tell him what she was feeling. What she needed and hoped he would do the same. She had to believe that no matter what happened next, they would do better this time. That they would make it work.

They had too.

Because there really was no more time to waste...and she wasn't going to let another moment slip by without having him by her side.

* * *

 **More soon. I promise! I promise! I promise!**


	9. Part 8

**I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG DELAY! I was away in Maine and as soon as I got home I jumped right into my internship. I have had ZERO time to write sadly. This internship is taking up more time than I expected. But I have not given up on my stories. It just may be a little longer in between updates.**

 **As I get more into a routine, I will hopefully find more time to write. Thanks for not giving up on me!**

* * *

Two days later, Luke and Lorelai had visited Yellowstone National Park. Now they were visiting one of the waterfalls, they had taken a quick dip. Now Lorelai was sitting on a rock, soaking up the sun. She looked over and saw Luke still floating in the water, face turned up to the sun. She sighed softly and watched his legs kick along the water.

The day before, she had sat with him in their hotel and listened to his Doctor on Speaker Phone. After asking a million and one questions, she seemed somewhat satisfied with the answers she was given. Luke's Doctor assured her that as far as he could see, there was no immediate need for Luke to come home. He even said that a few weeks away before treatment started would be good to help him relax.

He did say that if Luke's headaches increased or got worse, or he experienced any dizzy spells...to rush straight to the hospital and to call him. That had caused her to worry, but Luke just squeezed her hand and promised her he'd tell her if anything changed with his pain levels.

Even though there was still part of her that wanted to drag him by the ear back to Stars Hollow...she knew that on some level they both needed this break. They needed this time to heal what was broken and find a way to strengthen their relationship before fighting this next battle.

She continued to watch him swim peacefully for a few minutes, until she was interrupted by his phone ringing. She glanced down and felt her heart jump in her chest when she saw the name on the front.

April.

She glanced back at Luke and saw him beginning to swim back towards her. Her hand trembled, wondering if she should pick up the phone. Those old fears of what she could and couldn't do when it came to April appeared. He pulled himself out of the water and smiled as he reached for a towel.

"Man that water feels good." He said wiping away the droplets on his face.

She smiled nervously up at him, "Yeah. It does."

He rolled his neck back and forth, "Much better than the lake in the Hollow."

She glanced back down at his phone, "Mhm…"

He ran the towel over his head and frowned, "Hey, you okay?"

She pointed towards his phone, "Uh April just called. I didn't think I should answer it…"

He heard the tremor in her voice and knew what she was thinking and feeling, "Oh."

She shrugged, "I wasn't sure how much you had told her. If she even knew you were with me."

Luke took a deep breath, "She knows I'm with you…"

She raised an eyebrow, "But I'm assuming she doesn't know about…"

Luke sat down on a rock beside her, "No. She doesn't know about the tumor."

Lorelai stared at him for a moment, "Luke you have to tell her."

He sighed and looked down at his hands, "I know."

She fidgeted nervously, "I have to tell Rory too...somehow."

He cringed, "Do we have too?"

She gave him a weary look, "Luke…"

He smield sadly and nodded, "No. I know you're right. It's just hard."

"I know." She whispered, "But they deserve to know."

Luke sighed, "Doesn't seem fair that I missed all this time with my kid and now…"

She looked down and frowned, "Sometimes life isn't fair Luke."

He stared at her. He could see that she was thinking hard about something...worrying, "What is it?"

She glanced back up at him, "What?"

He continued to dry himself off, "I can tell you're worried about something."

She laughed sadly, "I'm worried about a lot of things Luke."

He pursed his lips, "Fair. But...something new's on your mind."

She gnawed on her lip for a moment before taking a deep breath and glancing at him, "What happens with April?"

He cocked his head to the side, "What do you mean? What happens when I tell her?"

She sighed and shook her head, "No...not really. I mean...with April. And me...and Anna."

Luke took a deep breath, finally starting to understand, "Oh."

She cringed, "Luke...I don't want to be selfish here but if things just go back to the way they were...I don't think I can do it."

He took a deep breath, "What do you mean?"

"I just...I can't do this halfway. Whatever this is with us...I can't do it half way. We're either all or nothing. That means being part of April's life. Which in turn means being part of Anna's life and I don't think she's going to like that very much." She said with a blush in her cheeks.

Luke glanced at her, "What did Anna say to you that day?"

She glanced at him again, "What?"

"You told me that night you gave me the ultimatum that you went to see Anna." He said softly, "What did she say to you?"

She sighed and turned away from him as the memory of that desperate day washed over her.

* * *

ANNA'S STORE

[Lorelai enters]

ANNA: Oh.

LORELAI: You okay there?

ANNA: Sorry. Spreadsheets, the bane of my existence. Combines my hatred of math with my fear of little, tiny boxes.

LORELAI: Well little, tiny boxes can be scary. Unless, of course, they contain big diamond earrings.

ANNA: [Laughs] I hear you. Feel free to look around.

LORELAI: Thanks.

ANNA: Have you been in here before?

LORELAI: No, first time. It's lovely, great stuff.

ANNA: Thank you. All the hanging clothes over there are 20% off, some of my favorite stuff, but come march 1st, I can't sell a sweater to save my life.

LORELAI: Okay, I'll check it out.

ANNA: You looking for anything in particular?

LORELAI: Uh, yeah, you, actually. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. I'm Luke's fiancée.

ANNA: Oh.

LORELAI: I wanted to apologize for the party. It was my fault.

ANNA: It just wasn't exactly what I was expecting.

LORELAI: I know, and I'm to blame for that, not Luke. It wasn't his idea. He was having a little trouble getting the party going, and I may have thrown myself into it a little too much. I just thought that we should meet so you could see you really have nothing to worry about.

ANNA: She's a 13-year-old girl. I always have something to worry about.

LORELAI: Well, yeah, of course, but I meant in regards to me.

ANNA: Look, I'm sure you're a great person.

LORELAI: I am. I have references.

ANNA: But I'm a single mom here. I can't play fast and loose with the people in my kid's life.

LORELAI: I completely understand. I'm a single mom myself.

ANNA: Okay then you get it. What if April decided she likes you? What if she becomes attached to you? What if you become her best friend in the entire world, and then one day, you just disappear?

LORELAI: Well, that's not gonna happen.

ANNA: You don't know that. You can't guarantee that, and I can't take that chance. When it comes to my daughter, I have to have rules, hard and fast rules.

LORELAI: I would never dream of violating any of those rules. Believe me.

ANNA: April never meets any man I date unless I've dated him for years.

LORELAI: I totally get that.

ANNA: So basically, until I'm ready to get married again, she doesn't meet any of the men I date.

LORELAI: Right.

ANNA: For all she knows, I'm a nun.

LORELAI: Yeah, I went through a sister Wendy phase myself once.

ANNA: I want her to have stability.

LORELAI: Right. But Luke and I, we are engaged. We are stable.

ANNA: Engaged isn't married. People get engaged all the time.

LORELAI: Look, this is not something casual, Luke and me. This is not something we're rushing into, by any means. This has been a long time coming, a long time. This is real.

ANNA: That's wonderful, I'm really happy for you, but that doesn't change anything. Luke just came into April's life. I'm still nervous about that. He's not a kid guy, never has been, and she's getting very attached. I need to know he's sticking around first. And then, when you're married, we'll deal with that then. I'm not trying to be a hardass here. April's my world. I don't know if my way is the right way. I just have to go with my gut. This is how I want to do it…You said you're a single mom.

LORELAI: I have a daughter, just like you.

ANNA: You get where I'm coming from at all?

LORELAI: I really do. Anyway, thank you for hearing me out.

ANNA: Sure. It's no problem.

LORELAI: Okay. [Lorelai turns to leave]

ANNA: Hey. If it makes you feel better, she had a really great time at that party.

LORELAI: I'm glad. [Lorelai waves goodbye]

* * *

Luke frowned, "She shouldn't have said that.

Lorelai smiled sadly at him, "Well unfortunately on some level...she was right. Being engaged wasn't permanent. We weren't stable. She had a right to want to keep me away."

He sighed, "Lorelai…"

"The thing is...I understood where she was coming from." She said with a shrug, "With Rory growing up I had rules too. I never really dated because I didn't want to bring anyone into her life that wasn't permanent. She was so desperate for attention from Christopher I was afraid to bring another man into her life only to have them abandon her. You were the first guy that I really allowed all the way into her life...even before we got together. Because I trusted you."

Luke swallowed hard, "You were engaged before me...Max was around her."

Lorelai nodded, "But it still wasn't…" She frowned, "I wasn't all the way in. I never wanted him to stay over. I wasn't sure about the situation. I just didn't want to be alone." She sighed, "I get that Anna wanted to know that we were solid...but that wasn't what hurt the most."

Luke licked his lips, "It was how I dealt with the situation."

She scrunched up her nose sadly, "You used her rules to push me away Luke."

He looked down, "I didn't mean too."

"Maybe not but you did." She felt the lump grow in her throat, "I felt like something you had just cast aside...like I was worthless to you. That everything we had ever talked about just suddenly disappeared. That life we wanted to create together just vanished. And it hurt. It really hurt."

Luke sighed and rested his elbows on his knees, "I just didn't know how to make everyone happy. I was afraid if I pulled you in...that Anna would take April away from me. I guess in some way I chose her over you."

She let his words sink in, "And she is your child...I'd pick Rory over you if I had too. But I don't want either of us to have to pick sides. I want us to find a way to make our lives become intertwined but I can't do that alone. And I can't do this if I'm going to be afraid that you'll push me away again."

Luke watched her carefully, her wet hair cascading around her shoulders. Her bright blue eyes, staring at him full of longing and hope. THe sound of the falling water ignited his love and passion for her. Standing up, he walked over and knelt down beside her, he felt her take a deep breath and he gently reached for her cheek, "I will never push you away again. I need you."

She leaned into him, "I want to believe that Luke…"

He sighed and breathed her in, "I'm going to figure out how to bring you both into my life. Okay? There's no other choice. I need you both."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed tight, "I need you too."

He squeezed her tight, "Everything is going to be okay. I promise. We'll figure it out."

She felt his body pressed against hers and she watched the waterfall cascade behind them. She felt so close to him yet so far away still...she just hoped that they really could figure this out.

* * *

The following day, Lorelai woke up in their hotel room alone in bed. She yawned softly, trying to get accustomed to her surroundings. She turned looking for Luke, but she didn't see him. As she sat up in bed though, she started to hear his voice coming from the bathroom.

She stood up and walked towards the closed door, resting her ear against the wood she tried to hear what he was saying. But it came in muffled tones and she only heard every few words.

 _"No Anna. No."_ There was a frustrated groan, " _Yes we're back together. No I don't' care about what your opinion of her is."_

Lorelai swallowed hard, she knew what was happening and all those old fears started to come back.

 _"She is going to be around my daughter whether or not you are okay with it."_ She heard him say angrily.

Lorelai took a deep breath and stepped away from the door, needing to breath. But the only thing that happened was that her heart started pounding faster. It felt harder to breath. The emotions of the last few days and few months came crashing down around her. Grabbing her cell phone, she slipped out onto the balcony and dialed a familiar number.

 _"Hello?"_ A groggy voice asked into the phone.

Lorelai sniffled, "Hey kid...did I wake you? I'm sorry."

She heard Rory shuffle around on the other end of the phone, _"Mom? What time is it?"_

Lorelai glanced at the clock on her phone, "A little after 8."

 _"And you're awake why?"_ Rory laughed, _"If you're life is being threatened in anyway," She teased, "Say the name of my first celebrity crush."_

Lorelai smiled sadly, "You have a minute to talk?"

Sensing that something was wrong, Rory shook her head to wake up, " _Mom? What's wrong?"_

Lorelai sighed, "Luke and I...we're trying to work things out."

Rory smiled softly, " _I was hoping that would happen. He told me he still loved you…"_

Lorelai bit her lip and felt the tears burn in her eyes. She turned back towards the room and saw that Luke was still locked in the bathroom, on the phone with Anna. "I don't know if I should be telling you this but I feel like I'm going to explode."

Rory's brow furrowed, something felt wrong, " _Telling me what? Aren't you happy about working things out with Luke?"_

"Luke hasn't been totally honest with me about this trip." She said with a sigh, "He was hiding something…"

Anger and worry began to bubble up in her chest, " _Hiding something? What's he got another kid stashed away somewhere?"_ When her Mother didn't respond she sighed, " _Sorry that was probably inappropriate but...but you're starting to scare me. What's going on?"_

Lorelai whimpered softly, "They found a tumor in his brain...he found out right before he asked me to come on this trip."

She heard her daughter inhale sharply, " _What?"_

"Maybe he wanted to tell you himself...I don't know. I just feel so confused and scared and I needed too-" She mumbled.

 _"Where are you?"_ Rory asked flinging the covers off of her.

Lorelai sighed, "Rory…"

" _Mom, where are you?"_ She asked in a more firm voice.

She sighed again, "The Grant Village Lodge outside of Yellowstone."

" _I'm coming to you. Don't leave."_ Rory said hanging up her phone.

A confused Lorelai frowned and held the phone out, "Crap…"

The slider opened and Luke stepped out, "Hey. You're up."

She looked up at him, "Uh...hey. Yeah. I am."

He slipped his phone in his pocket and smiled, "I was checking in with Caeser. Seems like things are running smoothly without me."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "Caesar huh?"

He fidgeted slightly, "Uh yeah...why?"

She laughed and stood up, "Because I'm not an idiot Luke. I heard you talking to Anna."

He cringed, "Lorelai…"

She shook her head, "Already lying to me again?"

He sighed and leaned against the balcony, "I didn't want to upset you after our conversation yesterday."

She laughed and turned away from him, "Let me guess...she's less than thrilled about the idea of me being in her kids life again."

He shook his head, "She's conflicted about it."

She stared at him again, "Did you tell her about…"

He shook his head, "I didn't think it was the right time."

"The right time." She said with a nod, "Of course."

He sighed, "Look I'm sorry...I just-"

"I told Rory." She blurted out, she saw him flinch beside her, "Just now. I heard you talking to Anna and I called Rory because I was upset. And I told her."

He stepped back, "Don't you think that's something we should have discussed together?"

She laughed, "Luke...don't."

He took a deep breath, "You know how much I care about Rory. I wanted it to do it the right way. She deserved to hear about it in person...not over the phone."

"Well she's my kid and I get to make the decisions." She said staring at him, "Just like April is yours and you get to make your own decisions."

Luke glared at her, "That's not fair."

"Well it's the way it is." She said standing up, "And now she's coming here."

He stepped back, "Lorelai…"

She pushed past him and walked into the room, "Does Anna not want me around her ever?"

He turned and followed her into the room, "She just isn't sure that we're going to stay together."

She nodded, "Of course she isn't because we aren't stable. Right?" She laughed sadly and wiped at her tears, "Hell this time around I agree with her. We're so far from stable."

Luke frowned, "Don't say that."

"Oh come on Luke! You can't deny that it's true." She said with a laugh, "Look at us! Barely a week back together and how many fights have we had?"

"We're both under a lot of stress right now. A lot of things have been said...we can't make any rash decisions. Telling Rory like that wasn't right." He said with a shake of his head, "I think you know that."

"Well I needed her okay! Because I don't know how to deal with this! And she's the one thing that makes any sense in my life. So I told her. And I'm scared. I don't know what the hell is going to happen. And neither do you! I want my kid here!" She said with a soft sob.

Luke took a deep breath and crossed the room, "Come here."

She sobbed into his chest, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He sighed and held her head against him, pressing a kiss to his forehead, "Shh...don't apologize. I get it. I do…"

She sighed and pulled away, "I shouldn't have done that. I just...I'm so-"

"I know." He said with a sigh, "I know."

She sniffled and looked down at her phone noticing it was ringing, "It's Rory…"

He stiffened slightly, "Answer it."

With shaky hands, she lifted the phone to her ear, "Hey kid…"

It was quiet on the other end for a moment, _"I can't come there."_

Lorelai glanced at Luke, "I know. You have to work."

She heard her daughter take a deep breath, " _Is he with you?"_

She continued to stare at Luke, "He is." Rory didn't say anything, "Do you want to talk to him?"

She heard Rory moving around, " _Did you bring your laptop? I want to see him face to face."_

Lorelai cringed, "Hon…"

Rory sighed again, " _Mom. I just...I need to see him."_

Lorelai sighed, "Yeah. I'll hang up and turn the computer on."

Rory didn't wait to say goodbye, she hung up the phone. Luke gave Lorelai a questioning look, "What's going on?"

Lorelai walked past him to reach for her bag, "She wants to talk to you. Face to face."

Luke cringed, "Uh...okay?"

She sat down on the edge of the bed and opened her laptop, "She deserves it Luke. I shouldn't have told her the way I did but...now we have to deal with it."

Luke sighed and sat down beside her, "Okay…"

In Chicago, Rory was sitting at the desk in her room. She was tapping her fingernails on the top of the wood, trying to calm herself. She was upset. She was sad. She was mad. She was frustrated.

But mostly she was scared.

Luke had been in her life for so long. He had been a constant. Even when he and her Mom were broken up...she knew that if she needed him he would be there. He was always there. He was Luke.

And now there was a possibility where he wouldn't be there.

She felt a sob grow in her throat as a memory washed over her.

* * *

 _A tiny Rory Gilmore sat by the Gazebo in her feathered angel wings staring down at a tiny caterpillar she had found at school. The only problem was...he wasn't moving anymore._

 _"Wake up Sherman." Rory said with a little pout, but the caterpillar didn't move._

 _Behind her, Luke stood with a bag from Doose's on his hip watching the sight in front of him. Rory was a staple in Stars Hollow these days. Running around with her brown ringlets and big blue eyes, she had everyone wrapped around her finger. Her Mother was a bit of a mystery to him...an intriguing mystery but a mystery all the same._

 _She amazed him that was for sure. Being a single Mother and doing as much as she did, he wasn't sure how she handled it all._

 _When he saw the young girl's shoulders begin to shake, he knew something was wrong. Taking a deep breath, he walked over to her, hoping not to frighten her. She poked at the caterpillar in front of her. "Hey kid…"_

 _Rory looked up, tears streaming down her face, "I think I killed Sherman."_

 _Luke frowned, "What?"_

 _She hiccuped and looked down at the still caterpillar, "I found him on the playground at school. And I put him in my lunch box...but I think I killed him."_

 _Luke took a deep breath, "Oh."_

 _She hiccuped again, "I shouldn't have put him in my lunch box, right?"_

 _Luke sighed and placed the Doose's bag beside him on the ground, he knelt down beside her, "Aw kid...it was just a mistake."_

 _Her lip trembled again, "I'm a caterpillar murderer."_

 _He couldn't help but laugh a little, "Oh Rory no...no you aren't."_

 _She sniffled and leaned into his chest, "I'm a terrible person."_

 _Not used to having this kind of contact with her, he was nervous for a moment but couldn't help but comfort her, "Rory you are not a terrible person."_

 _She pulled away and stared up at him with her wide blue eyes, "I thought I'd take him home and keep him as a pet. But-but I didn't-"_

 _"Hey…" Luke said softly, "You know what will help?" She shook her head, "Want a milkshake?"_

 _She smiled at him, "You said I have too much sugar in my diet."_

 _Luke smiled, "I think I can make an exception for today."_

 _Rory sighed and looked down at the caterpillar again, "Do you think I should bury him?"_

 _Luke smiled at her sweet disposition, "Would it make you feel better?"_

 _She looked back at him, "I think so."_

 _Luke nodded and picked up a leaf to scoop the dead critter up, "Okay. We can do that. But first...we should have a milkshake. Then we can call your Mom and set it up, okay?"_

 _Rory nodded, "Okay." She took the leaf from him and watched as Luke picked up the Doose's bag in his arm again, tentatively she slipped her free hand into his large one._

 _He seemed startled by the movement at first but relaxed and gave her a gentle smile. She smiled back as they walked across the street back to the Diner. At the moment it was pretty quiet inside so Rory sat up at the counter, setting Sherman and the leaf down beside her. Luke gave her a sympathetic smile then turned to her, "What flavor kid?"_

 _"Chocolate please." She said pouting as she stared at the dead bug._

 _Luke nodded, "Okay." He looked at Sherman, "Want me to take him with me?"_

 _Rory shook her head, "No. I'd like him to stay with me so he's not so lonely."_

 _Luke smiled and reached across the counter to squeeze her hand. He called into the kitchen for someone to get the ingredients they needed for a milkshake. Then he walked to the phone and picked it up, pressing it to his ear to call the Independence Inn._

 _"Independence Inn. Lorelai speaking." He heard her say._

 _His heart jumped in his chest but he tried to ignore the feeling, "Hey uh...it's Luke."_

 _"Mr. Backwards Baseball cap? What can I do for you?" She teased._

 _He couldn't help but smile, "Uh I thought I should give you a call. I saw Rory...she's with me now actually. She uh...she tried to take a caterpillar home in her lunch box to keep as a pet. However...as you can imagine it didn't end well."_

 _"Oh no…" Lorelai whispered, "Is she a mess?"_

 _"I got her to calm down a bit. But she's still pretty upset. I'm making a her a milkshake. But she would like to give him a proper burial. I figured I'd give you a heads up." He said._

 _He heard her sigh, "Oh that sweet girl of mine…"_

 _Luke smiled, "She is pretty special."_

 _"You mind hanging with her for a few minutes? I'll come to the Diner and help you out." She said._

 _Luke nodded, "Sure. Take your time. She's good here."_

 _"Thank you Luke." She said sincerely before hanging up._

 _Luke put the phone back on the wall and went into the kitchen to make Rory's milkshake. By the time he came back with it, Lorelai was walking in and sitting down beside her daughter._

 _Rory looked at her Mom and frowned, "I screwed up."_

 _Lorelai sat down and pushed her daughter's hair back, "It's okay sweets. You didn't mean too."_

 _Rory sighed and looked down at Sherman, "Do you think he has a family? Will they be looking for him? Will his Mom be waiting up all night for him?"_

 _Lorelai smiled sadly and looked at Luke, she turned back to her daughter, "I think Caterpillars are pretty solitary insects hon. I don't' think anyone will be looking for him."_

 _Luke slid the milkshake in front of her, "Here we go. One chocolate milkshake."_

 _Rory sighed and pulled it closer to her, "Thanks Luke."_

 _Luke nodded and wrapped the counter with his hand, "No problem kid."_

 _Rory took a sip of her milkshake, "He would have been a beautiful butterfly."_

 _Lorelai smiled and leaned forward to kiss Rory's head, "It's going to be okay."_

 _Rory nodded and looked up at Luke, "Where do you think we should bury him?"_

 _Luke shrugged, "Wherever you want."_

 _Rory continued to suck on her milkshake as she thought, "Maybe by the lake? Under that big oak tree?"_

 _Luke smiled, "Sounds like the perfect spot Rory."_

 _She nodded, "Will you come with us?"_

 _Luke nodded, "Absolutely."_

 _Lorelai gave him a thankful smile and continued to rub her daughter's back._

 _Twenty minutes later, the three of them stood by the small hole that Luke had dug for Sherman. Rory wrapped him in his leaf to make sure he wasn't cold then carefully covered the dirt over him. She stood back up and took her Mom's hand._

 _"Now what?" Rory asked softly, "I've never been to a funeral."_

 _Luke tugged on his ear, "Well...sometimes people say a few words about the per-the thing."_

 _Lorelai smiled at him, "Yeah...we could do that." Rory glanced up at her Mom curiously, "You want me to go first?" Rory nodded, "Um...okay." Lorelai cleared her throat, "Sherman...you're beautiful green color matched the leaf you sat on. I like green." Luke gave her a look and she shrugged, "What...this is new for me." She mumbled under her breath._

 _He smirked, "Me too." He looked down to see Rory looking at him expectantly, "Oh...you want me to say something too?"_

 _Rory nodded, "It was your idea."_

 _He fidgeted, "Right…"_

 _Lorelai stuck her tongue out at him, "See...not so easy mister." She whispered._

 _He smirked back and then took a deep breath, "Uh...well…" He fidgeted some more, "Thanks for being such a good friend to Rory. You were a pretty cool caterpillar Sherman."_

 _Lorelai sighed, "Damn...you beat me."_

 _He chuckled, "I knew him a little longer than you did."_

 _She smiled and Rory knelt down again, "Well Sherman...I suppose this is it." She patted the ground, "I'm sorry that I suffocated you in my lunchbox." Lorelai and Luke had to bite their lips to keep from laughing, "I really did just want to take you home. I was going to build you a little home in a shoebox. I had it all planned out...you'd sleep on a piece of bark. And I'd give you all the leaves you want to eat."_

 _Lorelai and Luke watched her, their hearts melting at her innocence. Rory sighed and continued, "I even thought about painting the box all different colors to be beautiful for you. But...it wasn't meant to be. I'm sorry...but you were a good friend. I hope that you rest happily now dear Sherman."_

 _She stood up and slipped her hand into her Mother's, "That was beautiful hon."_

 _Rory took a deep breath and slipped her other hand into Luke's, "Thanks."_

 _Luke looked down at Rory's hand in his and felt his heart squeeze in his chest, he looked up to see Lorelai smiling at him, "Yeah kid...that was great." He said softly, never taking his eyes off of Lorelai._

 _Rory sighed and rested her head against Luke's arm, "I'm sad."_

 _Luke took a deep breath and looked down at the young girl, "I know. Death can be very sad…"_

 _Rory looked up at him, "Do you miss your Mom and Dad?"_

 _He felt a lump grow in his throat, "Everyday."_

 _Rory let go of his hand and Lorelai's before wrapping her arms around Luke's middle, "I'm sorry Luke."_

 _He was stiff for a minute, then placed a hand on Rory's shoulder and gave her a squeeze, "It's okay. I've got you now. We're friends, right?"_

 _Rory looked up at him and smiled, "Best friends."_

 _He squeezed her tighter and followed her lead as she pulled him back towards town. He turned back to Lorelai and smiled as she walked behind him._

* * *

Rory shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. That felt like a million years ago. And what was happening now didn't seem real.

She sighed and clicked her mouse on the screen when the skype call from her Mom came through. She took a deep breath when their faces showed up on the screen. She could tell they both looked nervous, "Hi." She whispered.

Luke seemed to forget how to speak for a minute, "Hey." Lorelai whispered for them both.

Rory fidgeted, "Mom?" Lorelai gave her an expectant look, "Can I talk to him alone?"

Lorelai looked at Luke, "Uh...sure." He looked up at her, "I'll...I'll go get some coffee downstairs."

He gave her a frightened look, "Uh...yeah. Sure."

Lorelai gave her daughter a hopeful smile then got up to grab her wallet. She slipped out of the room and hoped that whatever was said was going to be civil. It felt like she had dropped a bomb and then ran away to let everyone else deal with the aftermath. But she also knew that Rory needed to do this on her own.

Back in the room, Luke looked like a deer in the headlights. He didn't know what to say and Rory didn't know how to start this conversation.

After what felt like an eternity of silence she whispered, "So...you're sick?"

Luke took a deep breath and looked at her on the computer screen, "They uh...they found a tumor yes. But I don't know if it's cancerous or not yet. I do need to have treatment at some point. Maybe just surgery I'm hoping."

Rory licked her lips, "But you knew...you knew before you made Mom go on the trip."

Luke cringed, "Yes. But Rory-"

"You knew when I saw you guys. You could have told me then. But I had to hear it from a emotionally wrecked Mother." She said angrily.

Luke sighed and looked down, "I know."

"You promised that this time would be different." She said with a shaky head, "You told me that you loved her. That you wanted to make it work."

He looked back up, "And all of that is true."

She snorted, "I don't know what's true and what's not with you anymore."

He cringed, "I deserved that. But Rory-"

"Why Luke?" She said with tears in her eyes, "Why would you put her through this? Put me through this?"

He sighed and moved back on the bed, "Rory...when they told me about the tumor it was like my world stopped. Every mistake I had ever made came flashing before my eyes. And how I screwed up with your Mom was the biggest thing that hurt me. I needed to find a way to fix things with her. I didn't know what to think. Didn't know how to react. So I ran to your Mom...and I begged her to go on this trip with me. I should have told her."

She gave him a look, "Yes. You should have."

He nodded and took a deep breath, "But I got scared. I didn't want to admit it to myself. I'm sorry that I waited so long...but I had to see where we were first. Had to see if she even had it in her to forgive me."

"But how can you ask her to forgive you when you just lied to her again?" She asked angrily, "Lied to me?"

He frowned, "I know it was wrong. And I'm sorry. Maybe it won't change anything. But...I am sorry. I want you to know that I never want to hurt you or your Mom. The two of you…" His voice cracked and he looked down, totally overcome with emotion.

She felt her lip trembling, "Luke?"

He lifted his head and sighed, "I was alone for so long...nothing in my life made sense. I was on autopilot." A smile spread on his lips, "And then you and your Mom moved into town...and everything changed. My life became worth living again. You will never know how much the two of you mean to me. I won't be able to fully express it to you...and I'm sorry for the pain I've caused. But all I can say right now is that I love you both...and I'm hoping that we can figure this out because I need you both. Now more than ever."

Rory felt the tears brewing again, "Do you remember when you helped me bury the caterpillar?"

He was surprised by the shift in topic but nodded, "Uh...yeah. Wasn't his name something that started with an S?"

Rory smiled, "Sherman."

Luke nodded, "Right. Sherman. You were devastated, and I felt terrible. You were just sitting there in those feathery angel wings and you kept telling me you were a caterpillar murderer."

Rory stared at him on the screen, "You made me a milkshake. Called Mom...dug the little hole for him. You even gave a little speech."

"I wanted to make you feel better." He said with a small shrug of his shoulders.

Rory frowned, "That was really the first time I dealt with any kind of death...it hurt."

Luke nodded, "I know."

Rory took a deep breath, "You aren't allowed to die Luke."

His heart sunk into his stomach, "That's exactly what your Mom said…"

She sniffled, "I'm torn between wanting to reach through the computer and smacking you...or giving you a giant hug."

"You can do both if it will make you feel better." He said with a sad smile.

She groaned and wiped at her tears, "Well this sucks."

Luke nodded, "Yeah...it's not exactly where I wanted my life to go."

She sighed, "So what happens now?"

Luke moved around a little, "Your Mom and I are going to continue the trip as long as we can. And then we'll go home…"

Rory nodded, "And you'll meet with Doctors?" He nodded, "You're sure it's safe for you to be there? Away from home?"

Luke nodded again, "Your Mom made me call the Doctors. They said for now it's okay."

Rory stared at him for a moment, "How is Mom handling it?"

He sighed, "We're...taking it a day at a time I think. There are still a lot of emotions. A lot of things that need to be discussed."

She frowned at him, "Luke...you can't do this halfway."

He nodded, "I know. You're right."

She gave him a meaningful look, "I'm only going to say this once...so I want you to listen carefully."

Luke swallowed hard, "Okay…"

"I care about you. You know that. You're a huge part of my life...one of my favorite people. But." She paused, "Mom is my number one. You know that, right?"

Luke nodded, "I do know that."

"You promised that you wouldn't hurt her again. You promised to be open and honest with her." She said giving him a look, he nodded again, "And I'm telling you now that if you lie to her again...if you keep something big like this from her again...I won't be able to support this no matter how much it hurts me."

Luke swallowed hard, "That's fair."

"Be honest with her. Let her in." She whimpered softly, "Let us both in."

"Rory…" He whispered, hating to see her begin to cry, "Don't cry."

She wiped at her eyes, "You can't die." She whispered, "Okay? You just can't...we need you too."

He leaned closer to the computer, "I'm going to do my best to fight this, whatever it is. I promise."

She wiped at her eyes some more, "Promise Luke."

"I promise." He whispered, "You have my word. No more secrets. I need my Gilmore Girls."

She looked down, "I was really about to hop on a plane…"

Luke smiled, "We wish you could. But you need to be there right now."

She nodded and looked to the left, "Can I visit soon?"

Luke nodded, "When you get time in your schedule let us know." She nodded but didn't speak, "Rory? Are you okay?"

She gave him a sad smile, "I'm sad Luke."

Luke nodded, "I know…"

She took a deep breath, "I uh...I need to go clear my head a little. Can you tell Mom that I'll call her later? I just...I need sometime to process some more."

Luke nodded, "Sure."

She smiled softly, "Bye Luke…"

He lifted a hand and gave her a gentle wave, "Bye Rory…"

When Luke shut the computer he looked up and saw Lorelai slipping back into the room, "Hi." She whispered, "Sounded like you were done…"

Luke patted the spot beside him, "Well that sucked."

She frowned and sat beside him, "I'm sorry."

He shook his head, "Don't be. It's...it's okay. It had to be done one way or another."

She stared at him, "Was she okay?"

"She's sad...and scared." He frowned, "And a little mad at me. Rightfully so."

She lifted a hand to his cheek, "Don't shut me out anymore Luke."

He leaned into her touch, "I won't."

She stared at him for a moment, "What happens now?"

He pulled her hand away from his face and gave it a squeeze, "Let's go somewhere."

She smiled at him, "Where?"

"I have an idea. Get dressed." He said with a smile, "Wear something comfortable."

She watched him get up and walk towards his suitcase to get ready. She wanted to pull him back to the bed and hide away forever but life was always going to get in the way. She was only up for a few hours and that theory was already tested.

She took a deep breath and decided to put herself out there and figure out what comes next.

* * *

An hour later, Lorelai followed Luke up the path of a hiking spot nearby. Luke was thankful when he realized no one was around. It was just them and the open air.

Lorelai was staring off into the wide open area and sighed, "It's pretty."

Luke was staring directly at her, "Beautiful."

She looked back at him and blushed, "Luke…"

He walked up behind her and stood right behind her. He felt her inhale sharply when his hands rested on her hips. He nuzzled the side of her face, resting his chin in the crook of her neck, "Tell me what you're thinking."

She sighed and leaned into him, "Luke…"

He shook her head, "Even if you're angry...just tell me."

She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of the fresh air and Luke Danes, "I'm thinking I'm really scared."

Luke nodded and gave her a squeeze before wrapping his arms all the way around her, "Me too. What else?"

She frowned, "I'm thinking that I'm mad."

He took a deep breath, "At?"

She was quiet for a moment, "At myself...at Anna...Christopher…" She paused and frowned, "At you. And the Universe."

He frowned and kissed her shoulder, "That's a lot to be mad at."

She sighed and turned in his arms, "Luke…"

He pushed back her hair, "I want you to hear me, okay? Really hear me."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, "Okay."

"I'm in this. You and me. Whatever happens next...I'm here." He said with sincerity, "No matter what you, Anna, Christopher or the Universe throws at us...I'm here. I'm going to let you in. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to tell Anna that you are a part of my life. Not even just a part...but you are my life. You will know April. You will meet her...be around her. We will go to the Doctors together. We will figure out what I need to do and we'll do it together. And…" He saw her take a deep breath, "If and when you're ready, I have every intention of marrying you." He saw the tears pool in her eyes, "You are what I want. This is what I want. I love you. Okay? And I'm sorry. But no more...from here on out we're a team."

She whimpered softly and wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him close, "Don't leave me."

He kissed the top of her head, "I won't."

She kissed his neck, his cheek and then pulled away, "I'm sorry about today...I just...I got upset. I felt you hiding away from me again with Anna."

He shook his head, "I should have been honest with you. We can talk to her together from now on if you want."

She lifted her hand and touched his face, "Do you think we can visit April soon?"

He smiled at her, "If you want."

"I'd like to see her." She gave him a look, "And...you need to tell her. And it needs to be in person."

Luke sighed and looked down, "I know."

"We'll do it together." She leaned into him and smiled, "We're a team, right?"

Luke looked back up and smiled, "Right."

She took a deep breath and moved to stand beside him, squeezing his hand in hers, "Okay." She looked out at the open area, "I feel so small here…"

Luke squeezed her hand, "When my Mom first got sick…" He began to whisper, he saw her turn her head to look at him, "I was so angry. I swear I didn't talk for the first week after."

Lorelai smiled, "Well you don't talk much as it is."

Luke smiled, "Maybe. But...I just couldn't handle what I was feeling. One day my Mom picked me up early from school...I didn't know why. But we went for a drive. I didn't know where we were going...but after about an hour she pulled off into this open field. There was no one around. And she told me to let it out."

It was unusual for Luke to open up about his parents. He had only done it a handful of times...so she knew whatever he was telling her was important. She squeezed his hand in hers, letting him know she was right there beside him no matter what.

"I didn't know what she meant at first. But she just smiled and threw her head back and screamed at the top of her lungs." He chuckled, "I think I must have jumped at first...she started to laugh. But then she did it again, throwing her hands up in the air and really yelling harder." He smiled and looked at Lorelai, "Then she turned to me and told me to do it...said it would make me feel better. I hesitated for only a second...and then I just closed my eyes tight and screamed as loud as I possibly could."

She smiled softly at him, "Did it make you feel better?"

He took a deep breath and smiled, "Believe it or not…" He shrugged, "It did."

She smiled and squeezed his hand back, "You're telling me to scream?"

Luke nodded, "I will if you will."

She scrunched up her nose, "I think I'll feel a little silly."

He rolled his eyes playfully, "Says the woman who once walked into the Diner dressed in a full clown costume not on Halloween."

She sighed, "The clown at Davey's birthday party cancelled last minute! I did what I had to do!"

He chuckled, "Well...out of all the crazy things you have done in your life...this will be pretty low on your list. I promise."

Lorelai smiled, "You'll do it with me?"

Luke took her hand in his again and squeezed, "We're a team. Here on out. Where you go I go. What you do...I do. We're doing this together."

She swallowed hard, "Okay."

He squeezed her hand again, "Okay."

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, "On the count of three?"

He nodded once, "One."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "Two."

"Three." They said together before throwing their heads back.

Their loud screams echoed through the open air, releasing every emotion that both of them were feeling. The birds in the trees scattered at the sound but neither of them cared. They screamed until all the breath in their lungs was gone.

When they were done...they stood in silence trying to catch their breath together. After a moment, Luke wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her flush against him. She wrapped her arms around his middle and breathed him in, "I love you Luke."

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "I love you too."

She snuggled into his side and decided to let the past slip away. All they could focus on was their future. And if they had any chance of making it...they had to do it together. Every step of the way.

* * *

 **I will update as soon as I can! I promise. I miss being able to write as much as I was before. It was my relaxation. I need that now more than ever! I will find time soon to write. Thanks guys!**


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